Episode 126: What to Wear When You Don't Feel Like You Anymore
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
What if the woman in the mirror staring back at you doesn't feel like you anymore?
I sit down with stylist Jess Burns this week, and we get into why getting dressed feels so hard when you're a working mom with zero extra minutes in the morning but how it can be one of the easiest ways to start feeling like yourself again. Jess left a decade of teaching preschool to become a stylist almost by accident, and now she helps women stop guessing and start dressing with intention. We talk about the fastest ways to plan outfits without spending hours on it, why your closet is probably full of things you like on other people and not on yourself, and how color analysis can genuinely cut your shopping time in half.
This one will change how you think about the ten minutes you spend getting dressed every morning.
Links and resources mentioned in this episode:
Check out Jess and her work as a stylist (virtual too!) at www.jessicabstyling.com
Follow Jess on IG at www.instagram.com/jessicabstyling
Learn more about coaching with Katelyn at www.themothernurture.com/work-with-me
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You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode. Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. This week I am sitting down with my internet friend, Jessica Burns, who is a personal stylist. And I admit that I used to think hiring a stylist was just for celebrities, famous people not for a mom in Cincinnati who's doing daycare and school drop-off. But then I actually hired her not once, but twice, and it changed how I get dressed every day Jess is a personal stylist and a mom of two who spent a decade as a preschool teacher before she pivoted into styling following a cross-country move and a season of trying to figure out what she wanted to do In the two times that I've worked with Jess, she did not tell me to go out and buy a new wardrobe, and that's actually one of the things that I love about her. She went into my closet, looked at what I already owned, and helped me build outfits that not only felt like me, but also made getting dressed so much easier In our conversation we talk about the importance of dressing to feel like yourself how to plan outfits in what little time we have, not in this elaborate, long, drawn-out process How to listen to your own instincts about outfits instead of all of the influencers that we see on social media. And then lastly, a simple exercise to introduce more fun and creativity into your day today I think this episode is, of course, great for anyone who loves fashion and clothes and getting dressed, But also perhaps for any of you who are going through a change, a shift, a pivot in your life, if you feel like you're not quite yourself in this season or stage of motherhood, I think So many of the pieces that Jess offers, the tips, the ways that we think about clothes can be applicable to many other areas of life where we are looking to , feel like ourselves and show up in the way that we want to in our lives as a professional, as a mom, in all of the roles that we hold. So let's get into it. Here's my conversation with Jess Welcome, Jess, to the podcast. I'm so excited to chat with you this morning. Thank you for having me. We were just getting name clarification, and it's wild how you can go for a long period of time, and then all of a sudden have a moment where you're like, "Wait, does she like Jess? Does she like Jessica? Do I like Katelyn, or is it Kate?" Or my husband- ... who I learned after, like, 15 years of being together prefers, if he had to choose, he prefers Philip over Phil, but I've always called him Phil, and I was like, "Oh, crap." So my husband's name is James, but his whole life he's gone by Jimmy. Like, I've known him for over 20 years as Jimmy, but now that we're in our 40s, he introduces himself to other people as Jim. But when I call him Jim, I feel like I'm talking to an entirely different person. Like, "No, you're Jimmy." Like, what do you mean? So... I thought you were gonna say he prefers James, like a distinguished, you know- Oh gentleman name. I think at work some people do call him James. But that would be, no, I can't even go there. Yeah, yeah. , so we are internet friends who have never met in real life. True. Though we have an Ohio connection, which is so secondary and we learned after the fact, which is fun. Mm-hmm. And I have no recollection of how I found you online, but I have hired you twice now- Mm-hmm ... to help me in my closet, to plan some more interesting outfits using what I already own. You've helped me plan outfits for a photo shoot, and I just love your approach to thinking about clothes and styling and getting dressed. And for anyone who maybe doesn't follow me on social media where I occasionally post an outfit pic, I do love to get dressed in the morning despite working from home. I don't really leave the house much. But I, I like a hard pant. It helps me wake up in the morning. And- So I wanna get into so much of that with you today. But do you wanna start by just telling us a little bit about your life, your family, where you are, maybe how you got into running your styling business, and then let's get into all of the fun stuff that I know everybody wants to hear about. Yeah, absolutely. So we did live in Ohio for my whole life until seven years ago. Wow. And when we lived in Ohio, I was a teacher. So I taught in the public school system for 10 years. Littles, mostly preschool for six years. Bless you. But then when... Yeah. I, preschool was my favorite. Loved me, I loved them. Wow. Like I... It's hard and as you get older, you know, kids don't always wanna be at school, but preschoolers love school. They love their teacher, and so it just makes it- No, that's true ... yeah, so much more fun. But- That's true ... so my husband got a job in Utah about seven years ago, and when we moved here, I had asked him as a kind of compromise, would it be okay if I stayed at home for a couple years with our daughter, who was not quite two at the time. And so yeah, when we got here, I was staying at home and quickly learned that that was not for me. I just- Mm ... I needed something else for my brain, and h- was feeling burnt out with teaching at that point, and so didn't really wanna go back to teaching. But then what else was I gonna do? I'm not sure. Yeah. And so I, I asked around and, , actually posted a question box on my personal Instagram, like, "What are some things that, that you think I'm good at? What are some things that I've ever helped you with before?" And I, I kinda knew the direction it would go, just from life experience, but people were like, "You always look so cute. I just wish you could take me shopping. You're so good at fashion," th- th- those kinds of answers. And to me, that equated with influencer, and I was like, eh, that's not really what I wanna do. Not that there's anything wrong with it, I just couldn't see that for me. , I'm not that great at taking pictures, to be honest with you. Like I feel like that's a pretty big part of the job, but- Anyway, so I actually had a friend who, , pretty recently before that had said to me, like, "Ah, I'm really struggling. I'm getting ready to turn 30. I'm postpartum. I just am really lost in, in my style, and I just... I would give anything for you to just go shopping with me and pick out some clothes for me and tell me what to wear." And so I had reached out to her, and I was like, "Hey, , would you wanna be my guinea pig? , I'll take you shopping and, , hopefully put some outfits together for you." And she was like, "Absolutely." So we did that, and I posted about it, and honestly, everything just kind of snowballed from there. I really didn't have much to lose, so I was all in, you know? I just Googled what I needed to learn, and it's been a journey from there to get to where I am now. And now I basically just help women enjoy getting dressed , so everything that goes into that, cleaning out their closets, shopping for them, putting looks together. And yeah, I love it. It's so much fun. Yeah. I love that you put a question box up or, you know, if you did that in real life, polled your friend group of like, "Hey, how do you see me? What are my strengths that that come so easily or naturally to me that I don't even notice them as a skill or a strength?" That is brilliant, and I think for so many women, whether you're looking to start a business, or you're just ready for a career pivot or a change, or you're not sure, like you said, "Well, what else can I do? I've done this thing for a decade," it's probably what you went to school for. Yeah. It's what your degree's in. Sometimes it can be really interesting to have others share their perceptions or their ideas of what you might be good at. I love that. Yeah. And how old are your kids now? So they're both getting ready to have birthdays. Okay. So Cam is 13, almost 14, and Georgia is 8, almost 9. Okay. So you did the back to work from maternity leave with both of your kids. I did, and it was so hard. And in the school system, you only get six weeks, eight weeks for a C-section. If I could go back, I would push really, really hard to have stayed home then, rather than when I stayed home. Mm. But c'est la vie, you know? We survived. At the time, it made sense, you know? But I, I guess I just miss that part of- Sure ... of our kids' lives, yeah. Sure. I just wanted to highlight that, , to show that you can make those changes or choose to stay home if that's what you want to do, or go back to work at- Any point along the journey Yeah I think so often we equate the, "I've given birth, I've done my maternity leave, I don't wanna go back," or, "I'm really struggling to go back," with being a pivotal point. And, and not- Mm-hmm ... that it isn't for everyone. It, it is, and for some of us, like me, I was so excited to go back to work, and for others it's really hard. , but that you can make those changes along the way, when you have your first, when you have your second, when you are, just back or when you've been back for a couple of years. It's really an option at any point. Yeah, absolutely. So, okay, let's talk about this making it easy or more enjoyable to get dressed. And I think my first question, or what I hear sometimes from women from my community, from clients, is, , there's so much that we have to do in the morning, especially as moms, and if you're also working you are trying to get daycare stuff ready, or school things ready, or juggling maybe like I'm heading into a multiple drop-off season of life again after living- Mm-hmm the luxury of a single drop-off for a few years. You know, there's all of these things that we do, and if we wanna work out or get some movement or something for ourselves in ahead of time, we're waking up even earlier. How do we make time to get dressed, and two, what about that is even important? Like, why not just take the lowest hanging fruit, like whatever's on the top of the pile of clean clothes, and put it on? Which is how I dress my son, you know, I put the shorts and the shirt that I want him to wear on the top of the pile, and he'll show up in those clothes. Mm-hmm. What about putting together an outfit- Mm-hmm is important in your opinion? Or that you've seen through working with all of the women that you've worked with. I say it's a priority because people notice. People are- Mm ... nicer to you. Mm. You are generally nicer and more productive when you like your outfit, when you feel good about yourself. And I have women who reach out to me during our consultation calls, and they'll say that to me, "I know I feel better and work-" harder and be more productive when I feel good about myself when I'm dressed. But the problem usually lies in not having the right pieces or just not knowing what to purchase, or time, like you said. So one way that you make it a little bit easier is to plan ahead. And- Mm ... I know that some people say they don't have time for that either, but we make things a priority that, that need to be. And it doesn't have to be, you know planning your outfits for the whole week. Maybe it could just be for a couple days, because sometimes I'll tell clients, especially when they're starting out in the beginning, even if you're getting dressed more days than you're not, you're better off than you were before. So if you're getting dressed three days out of the week when you weren't getting dressed at all, you're gonna notice a difference. Mm-hmm. So even starting smaller having uniforms helps. And what I mean by that is not necessarily having the same shirt in five different colors, but having a general idea of an outfit, like a monochrome outfit, which can be so many things. Pick a color family and go from there, but it gives you a starting point at least. Mm. One of my uniforms is a button-up and literally anything. A button-up and trousers, a button-up and a dress, a button-up and a skirt, you know? It just, it can be so many things. , and the other thing is, , having a wardrobe that mixes and matches easily. Mm. You know, finding pieces, finding outfits where if you could just swap the top, it would be an entirely different look, or just swap the pants and it would be an entirely different look. And , that takes time, obviously, having that, that kind of wardrobe, but it ends up saving you time in the long run. Yeah. When you say plan ahead- Mm-hmm ... like, what does that mean? Am I sitting down in my closet and thinking, "Okay, Monday I have this presentation, and Tuesday I know I'm doing a lot of meetings out and about, and then I have to pick up the kids, and so my outfit needs to last until 8:00 PM," or, "Wednesday I'm working from home," and then I'm writing down my outfits. I'm pulling them out onto a hanger with, like, a little tag on, which I confess to doing back when I was in my 20s and I had lots and lots of time. I would, you know- ... pick out Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, and I went into the office every day, and I had these cute little hangers, and I was like, "Oh, this is so fun." I don't have time for that right now. No. Is it pen to paper actually doing that? Is it just thinking about it? What do you categorize as planning ahead? I think it could be whatever works for you personally. I mean, for me, that's the last thing I think about before I go to bed at night. Ah. It's like, "Okay- What do I have going on tomorrow? What do I wanna wear? , so at least it's, at least there's a starting point in my head the next morning. Like, oh, I wanted to wear my red button-up. Hmm. And then I can go from there. Also, I already have, and my clients have, outfits saved in our phones. Oh. So you could just scroll through your outfits that you've already worn, pick out a couple for the week. Again, it's, it's all about having a starting point, I think. I don't think it has to be, , set in stone. But I think the hardest decision is just walking into your closet and looking at everything you have and trying to pick out one thing, just one thing to get you started. Right. That's the biggest leap sometimes, I think. Yeah. How, how would someone get started? I love the idea of a photo album that has saved outfits. I mean, when you and I worked together, it was, I think, heading into, , fall/winter, and you- Mm-hmm ... pieced together these outfits for me, and it was really easy to go in and reference those and just pull those exact pieces out. So if I were- Mm-hmm ... starting from scratch, how do I start to build out that photo album? I mean, you just have to take pictures of yourself in your outfits every morning. That's what I do. , and it's a huge tool for me, especially when I'm stumped and I'm just, "Oh, yeah, I did like that outfit." Or, you know, sometimes you just forget that certain things go together or that you wore things, and so it's just that reminder. But I would just start by taking selfies in your outfits, and you'd be surprised how quickly they amass and- Yeah ... you have quite the collection. And then maybe you start to go back through them, like, at the end of the month and drag things that were, "Yes, I loved that," "I felt so good in that," or, "That really worked well for this type of thing," into maybe a outfit favorites folder. And then the others that you're like- Absolutely ... "Okay, eh, I look back on that and I'm like, 'Ah, that was very mediocre. I could wear it again- ... but maybe I don't want to,' I could delete that one and try a different way next time." Absolutely. It's all good and useful information because you're gonna start to recognize a pattern. For m- for me, like, I, I love like, a blousy white eyelet lacy top in the spring. Like, whenever they come out in the spring, I'm always, "I need one. I need one." But I started to notice in my pictures- I didn't always like them on me. Like, when I looked back, there was just something that I was like, "Ah, ah." And so I created an, a note in my phone, things you do not like on yourself Oh because I kept purchasing these beautiful white tops and then not liking them, and ended up selling them on Poshmark. Yes. I do follow a lot of stylists on Instagram. I think it's fun, though I don't know, I'm thinking of, of dialing it back because it just makes me wanna shop more, which I actually am in... I wanna talk about this too, 'cause I think my next iteration in my closet is to pare back and get even more creative with what I already have. But this video was about not listening to other people and listening to yourself, so kind of the opposite of what we started this conversation with about how you put the question box out and you're like, "What do you see my skills and my strengths as?" And I, it was so true. I saw that video and I was like, "Oh my gosh, I just did this." Our family was in Chicago and we went into Uniqlo 'cause my husband wanted to try on one of their linen pants, and I was like, "Oh, I'll try on a few things," and I had been, in my mind, thinking I needed a linen sleeveless, like simple shift type top. Mm-hmm. And I'd tried on a couple others at different stores and never really loved them, and I thought it was just those brands, and I put one on here, and it was in my color palette, which we should also talk about, and my husband was like- ... "Oh, that looks so great. You'll get a ton of use out of that." So I got it because he said he liked it. Mm-hmm. And usually he is very good at picking out clothes for me. I, when we've talked about this before, 100% trust him to buy me a dress all the time. But I haven't worn that shirt once, and it's been weeks, because everything I put it on with I think it looks weird, and then I look at myself in the mirror and I'm like, "I don't know that I actually like this." And I bought it because- darn it ... he said he liked it. So anyway, I thought that was so- Yeah ... interesting. But for me, I might put on that list I love those tops on everybody else, and I desperately wanna be a girl that wears one of those, and I just don't think I like it. Yeah. You have to be able to differentiate that because, because of the influencer culture and the way we see clothing now, a majority of our closet are things that we like on other people and not necessarily on ourselves. Yeah. And it's really throwing us off. Yes. I feel that so hard right now. Yeah. And you're doing the right thing. I tell my clients a lot, a, a, I have a handful of clients where I'm like, "How many influencers do you think you follow?" and they can't really name a number, and could you take that down to, like, five? And it would make a huge difference. Yes. Yes. And I... I mean, what are your thoughts too on this, this is just, you're getting my stream of consciousness this morning. Sure. I think there is something for looking at other people in outfits and learning from how they put things together, and then experimenting- Mm-hmm with that on yourself. But one thing that I notice is a number of the influencers or stylists that I follow on social media have a very different body type than me. They are- thin, they're taller. I'm 5'4". You know, they are just straighter. I'll just say that. Mm-hmm. Okay. And, and a lot of the baggy stuff does look cool on them, and they look super trendy, and they'll put all this stuff on, and I put it on me and I'm like, you know, I go to the gym. I am only 5'4". I got, you know, bigger arms, and it's like, it just doesn't translate. And so there's that line between wanting to be inspired and being able- Mm-hmm ... to apply it to yourself, but also maybe I need to find a few more influencers that look a bit more like my body type. I think a lot of times when we're trying to get inspiration, we kind of take it as, like, a one for one, where we should be, like you said, taking it as an idea of how they put something together, the colors they put together, , the fabrics they put together, and just be a little bit more discerning about why you like that outfit specifically or what you liked about it or, just asking deeper questions I think would really help with that too. Mm. So , here is my challenge to anyone listening to this, again, thinking, "This sounds like a whole project. This sounds like it takes a lot of time." maybe you're listening to this with screaming kids in the background or in the middle of the night when you're nursing a baby and you have your earbuds in. I don't know. But my thought is everything that you're describing here, aside from the being in your closet and trying on things, which I do understand is a separate time block- Mm-hmm ... can be done from your phone instead of scrolling. Absolutely. Or you scroll and you see an outfit that you're intrigued by, and you take a screenshot of it, and then you open up your notes app and you jot a few things down. Mm-hmm. Like, "Next time I'm in my closet, try X, Y, and Z together," or, "I love that brown and baby blue color combo," which I do right now. Yeah. You know? And, and so maybe when you are sitting on your phone or you're nap trapped or you're, I don't know, whatever else you're doing on your phone, start to create a list of things that you could test out the next time you're trying on or getting dressed for the day. Like, use the phone time a little bit more productively is my thought. Yes. Yeah, I think so. And it doesn't have to be this big try on process either. Like, if you're gonna try something new, maybe you have a backup outfit just in case. Mm. So you're, you know, something that you know is gonna work. You don't have to guess, but so you're not spiraling if it doesn't work. Because a lot of times it doesn't work, but that's part of the process. Mm. You have to have that trial and error. You have to be willing to try new things, otherwise we kind of get stuck and- Yeah ... can't figure out why we're stuck. Mm. I needed to hear that. Like, sometimes what you try doesn't work. Yeah. And also, I know that I sometimes think that the outfit that I put on, because my time is so limited, I just have to suck it up and wear it. Mm-hmm. As opposed to if I really don't like it or it doesn't feel right, it's okay to change. Yeah can you just throw on a different top or Yeah ... grab. Like for me, if something doesn't work out, I will just go to one of those uniforms that we talked about earlier, you know? Mm. I know monochrome always works, especially black on black. Not that that should always be your go-to, 'cause a lot of women get stuck on that. But I'm just saying having that kind of backup. Denim on denim. Mm ... a button-up and something, you know? That's tried and true Okay, so, maybe have a couple of tried and true default outfits that you know work for you. Mm-hmm. Look at some inspiration. It's okay to test things out and they don't work, and you can go back to your default, and then take pictures and learn from what you see when you go back through them. Yeah, and one thing that I think helps too in that planning ahead and prepping, when you get something new, and this is gonna take time again, but you need to make sure that it goes with the things in your closet. It should go with at least three things, if not five things in your closet, and that's already gonna give you three to five new outfits depending on what it is. So take pictures of those when you're trying it, have those in your phone. I just returned two tank tops last week that I loved in the store, and I don't usually come home and try them on with a bunch of pieces. I just take the tags off and I wear them with jeans, right? The simplest bottom ever. Mm-hmm. And then I have this pile of tops that only go with one thing, and what forced me to do it this time is we were packing for a trip and I wanted to bring them along, and I needed things to mix and match, and I realized they didn't go with anything else In my closet other than jean shorts. And I was like, "I'm not wearing jean shorts every day just to wear these tank tops." Yeah. It's frustrating, but it's the right thing to do. It will make your wardrobe so much more intentional. And again, it's just more information of- Mm ... okay, those didn't work out. Why didn't they work out? What should I be looking for instead? Mm. What do you think about having a definition? I don't know if that's the word I wanna use. But for being able to articulate what your personal style is, like, does that really matter? Does that box you in? I'll, I'll give you an example, and this was so interesting to me. Maybe a few weeks ago, I was out with some girlfriends, and my one friend stood up... I, I arrived late, so they were already seated at the table, and she stood up from the table and she said, "Katelyn, you have to see my new pants," and she stood up, and they were these flowy, bright colored patterned pants. And my other girlfriends were like, "Those are such a Katelyn pant." And I was like, "What? That's, that's how you guys see me?" And then I thought, "Well, yeah, I do have quite a few, like, funky bottoms that, again, I probably should do more work to make sure that they go with multiple things in my closet." But it had me thinking again about this concept that I experienced with you, which was using some words to describe my style. Why should somebody do that? Do you think somebody should do that? How does that help, if at all, with getting dressed when we think about time and making it easier? I think we should be loose about it. Yeah. I don't think you have to be married to it, but I do think it's helpful, because there's a lot of times when you're getting dressed and something might feel a little off. If you can put a name to it, to maybe what's there's too much of or maybe what might be missing, then you can use those words to fix or finish your outfit. So- I think it's important to know some words, especially for someone who's struggling with knowing where to shop, knowing what to buy, or over-purchasing- Yeah ... because it gives you kind of a checkbox of Am I purchasing the right things? Is this really even me? Mm. When I get it in my wardrobe, will it go with the other things that I already have? Will it feel like me when it's on my body? Yeah. So I think for those reasons, it's important, but I don't think you have to stay married to them. I just think it gives you some clarification, some simplification- Yeah of something that can be overly confusing to a lot of women who don't have a lot of time to think about it. Yeah. , I'd never gone through that process of, , choosing some words to describe. I did find it to be a little bit challenging, but as I continue to shop and think about my wardrobe more intentionally, I realize that I already am doing a lot of that just by nature of the brands and the stores where I choose to shop. True. Like, I'm not an overly preppy person, so there are certain brands and clothing stores that I'm like, "I don't even really probably need to look there if I'm trying to be efficient or effective with my time." Right? I think a lot of us do that already, and maybe We've just never taken the time to use specific words to describe it. Yeah, you're probably right. I would agree with that. And I think, again, it's a little bit of that discernment, too, of being able to say, "I like that on someone else, but it's not for me." Yeah. Yes. Yes. I love a great preppy outfit. Like, on the girls- Yeah ... that own that, I'm like, "Oh, that looks so good on you." Yeah. I can tell that is your vibe. Mm-hmm. And if I put that on, I probably just wouldn't feel like myself. Yeah, might feel a little costumey. Yeah. I can imagine that being a really useful tool for someone, like you mentioned the friend postpartum, when you've gone through a transition in life, whether it's becoming a mom or you shifted careers or, I don't know, something has happened in your life that's really made you question who you are and how you wanna show up in the world, that having some sort of exercise like that to think about, what are the things that I'm drawn to, what do I feel good in, could help you start- Mm-hmm to find yourself again. Yeah, absolutely. You wanna ask yourself questions about how you feel when you get dressed now- Mm ... but also how do you want to feel when you get dressed, and- Yeah ... trying to find the gap between those two, and how can you get closer to how you want to feel. Yeah. I wanna talk about color analysis if we can- Yeah for a minute. Yeah. We've chatted about this before casually, one off things here and there. I had my colors done, gosh, I wanna say a couple years ago. It's probably been three or four years now. You've had yours done as well. Mm-hmm. Yep. And if I haven't shared it before, I did it as an experiment because I was curious. I mean, if it was four years ago, my kids were three, five, and seven, so I was in the thick of still little kids, and I wanted to see if it would help make shopping for new clothes faster and easier. If I could just look for the things that were in my color palette, I would be, cutting the options way down. Absolutely. And it helps that I loved the color palette that they identified for me, and I recognize that if you have your colors done and it's not colors that you have ever worn or love, that that's probably a very different experience. Mm-hmm. I'm a deep autumn, so I love those colors. Mm-hmm. And I have found over the years, I have gotten more and more into my colors so that my closet It's probably 70% or more of those colors Mm-hmm And I personally have found it to make getting dressed easier. I do feel like I look great in the colors when I choose to wear them. You can't see it on the podcast, but I'm wearing this, like, eggplant-y color, which is one of my best ones, and I love it. It makes me feel so good. . I don't know. What are your thoughts, either for you personally or when you've worked with clients who have had their colors done or not, in terms of its benefits or maybe the things that it costs us? . So that's exactly why I got my colors done was because I wanted to be able to answer this question. And for me personally, I always get the most compliments when I'm wearing my colors hands down. Same. Same. Yeah. And it doesn't matter what I'm wearing, but if it's in my colors, somebody's gonna be like, "Oh, I love that top," or, "You look so great today," you know? Yeah. So I've definitely noticed that. And I am not a stickler about it for myself personally, because I just love fashion too much, and then there's just so many things that I'm like, "It's not my color, but I love it." Yeah. But I will say that I notice, and the woman who did my colors talks about being in harmony, and I've noticed that a lot more often when I'm not wearing my colors. Like, I always get my nails done in my colors- Oh ... but if I'm wearing something that's not my color, I can, I notice that it's not cohesive. It's not together. And same with my makeup as well. My makeup is all warm tones, but if I'm wearing something really cool, it doesn't quite fit right, you know? Mm. So I definitely notice that for myself. But like you're saying, more and more of my closet is becoming in my color palette. But I don't know if I'll ever stick to it 100%. For my clients, I don't require it, but I do recommend it- Hmm ... because I do find it easier, and especially because the way I work with my clients building a wardrobe in a capsule style way, it is much easier to mix and match your items- Yeah if they're in a certain palette. And I know my clients that come to me knowing their colors, they have noticed all the benefits as well. So I, I think it's worth it. Yeah. If for no other reason than if you're looking for a time-saver, and you are looking for, I don't know, a new T-shirt or something, and you go to the options at the one store and all they have are colors that aren't in your palette, you can be like, "Okay, that one's not for me. On to the next." Right. Exactly. It does make shopping faster. It does. It narrows everything down, which again, I mean, that's a huge thing right now that hinders a lot of women, is just the overwhelming amount of, where do I even begin? Yes. Yes. Though I have noticed, as someone who does not have black or pure white in her palette, so many clothes are only available in black or white. Mm-hmm. I will wear white. I really don't wear black anymore, which is wild- Wow ... because it used to be one of my most worn colors. Yeah. And now when I put it up to my face and compare it with navy or chocolate brown or burgundy, I'm like, "Oof, I just look tired." Yeah. Yeah. I feel the same way about white. I, I feel like I still can do black. Okay. But when I'm wearing white white, I, I notice it right away. Yeah. I'm like, "This is just, something is off." Something's off. Maybe it's also, like, we've just trained ourselves to appreciate- Yeah ... our colors, but yeah, it is interesting. Again, you can always break the rules. You can always wear whatever you want. - Exactly ... it's just another tool if you wanna make things a little bit easier. I agree so one last thing that I wanted to talk to you about is, this idea of Having fun with your presentation, with your outfits, with your style, with your accessories, with your nail color. I think a lot about fun, , in my own personal life, with my clients. I don't know if this comes up in your work at all, but there is so much about being a working parent that is work. Mm-hmm. And it is very easy for our days to just be about the punch list, about the task list of things that we have to do, moving from one stage to the next to the next, keeping everybody on schedule, getting your work done, getting everybody fed, right? You know And I hear a lot and see a lot of women who have lost the skill, I think it's a skill, of having fun, of enjoying fun, of seeing fun in their lives. And I think that our clothes and our presentation is a really accessible, easy way to bring some of that back when you're feeling like life is just one big chore. And I remember years ago, in the pandemic when the kids were really young, it started for me with nails. I paint my nails at home. I would love to get them done, I just don't. And I started buying really funky colors. I hadn't had my colors done yet, so they were definitely not my palette, but, you know- ... I was, like, painting bright blue and orange and coral and whatever, and it was this burst of color in my life in a season where I was probably wearing a lot of black and gray, and everything felt hard. And I guess I'm not sure what my question is here. I just wanna hear you talk a little bit about this idea of having fun, of playing, of adding something maybe a little bit spontaneous or quirky or different into your outfits that can just, I don't know, put a little pep in your step, not to sound too corny. , and the, impact that that could have on how you feel as you move through your days. I think color is a great way- Mm ... for this. And I think I get this question a lot, how do you incorporate color when you have a lot of neutrals in your closet? And I think a good place to start, and for fun in general, I think shoes are just always easy. Ooh, yeah. , Shoes just always fit, right? Like, basically you're just trying to figure out if they're comfortable or not- Yeah ... is like the main factor, but they always fit, and you can have so much fun with your shoes. Yes. So I think that's an easy way, , and just think about if you had on, like I mean, for me it was always a leopard print pair of shoes. , that was always, like, especially when I was teaching- Yep ... that was, like, my go-to. So and, you know, we're talking, like, 15 years ago, but still animal print is, is back. Yeah. It's okay now. Yeah. It never- It never left. I've always- No ... loved a leopard print. It's, yes. It's a classic. But anyway, , you put those shoes on and you're just, instantly brighter and, and more fun, right? Because they are fun in themselves. Yeah. And I think, another thing, we're all ... I mean, I'm not sure who's listening, but I would say there are probably women around our age who a- who are of the era of the statement necklace, right? Mm-hmm. And so we know deep in our souls how to do a statement accessory. Right? Don't age me. Come on now. It's me too. It's me too. So it doesn't have to be ... I think, it could be ... You and I are big fans of a ban- bandana scarf. Yeah. You know? A statement earring is always- Yes ... a fun, easy little swap, yeah. So there's just, there are so many little things that if we just take, one extra step- Mm ... it would make a huge impact. I don't think we realize it 'cause it's like, oh, my outfit's fine. It's fine. Mm. But if you added that, how much better would it be? And like you said, you got a little, just a little pep in your step just knowing that you just took that extra second to add some fun and creativity. Yeah. Scarves and, like, little bandanas were not something in my repertoire at all nine months ago. Mm-hmm. And now I don't go a week without wearing one. Yeah, they're so easy. Even in the hot summer months. It's so easy. It's so fun. It adds color. I get compliments on them all the time, and it just took me one day being like, "You know what? I don't need to buy new tops or, new clothing pieces. I can spend just a fraction of the price on a little bandana and give it a shot." And yeah, it's that permission to just play- Yeah ... in small ways. And I think shoes are... That's such a great point. I have a number of colorful shoes that even if my whole outfit is neutral, I'm like, "Oh, these are fun." Yeah. Yeah. And I think sometimes, like especially with a bandana scarf, I hear people say like, that's not for me," or, "I don't know if I feel like myself in it." I think you have to get used to seeing yourself in certain things too. Mm. I think you have to, to be able to try in small doses. Like, maybe you put it on when you're taking the kids to school just to, test the waters, you know? Yeah. You can take it off later if it's really, bothering you that much. But you have to get used to s- to seeing yourself in certain things. So true. Yeah. Have more fun. Try one little thing. Yeah. Different shoe, a scarf, a layering piece, a nail color- Mm-hmm ... jewelry. There's so many options. And you're right, it's just that one extra little thing that could take an outfit that you've worn how many times to being something that feels new and fresh and fun, and gives you a little bit more energy. Absolutely. All right. I can't go right now, but I feel inspired to go into my closet and take some pictures of my outfits or try something new and mismatch things a little bit to see what else I can come up with, and permission to scrap something that doesn't work and document the process- Mm and think about what does feel good and what feels like me at whatever stage of life that you are in or whatever reinvention you are facing. Start posting them on your stories maybe- There you go ... if you're up. Or just send them to the girls' group chat, you know? That's what I do. Yeah. Or for yourself, right? Nobody else has to see. Yeah. True. It all works. Mm-hmm. I love this so much. Thanks for chatting with me. So I know you do in-person work in Salt Lake, but you also do obviously virtual work- Mm-hmm ... because I have worked with you from Cincinnati, and we just hop on Zoom together. You've literally been inside my closet via my laptop. So how can people find you to follow along? And I'll be sure to put all of the links in the show notes as well. Yeah. So I'm on Instagram, Jessica B Styling, and my website is jessicabstyling.com. Your Instagram is so fun. I always learn things from you. Thank you. All right. Well, I'm sure I'll see you back in my closet at some point too, and for everybody else listening, I hope this was helpful and that you feel a little bit inspired to go play with your clothes and put together some outfits. Thank you for listening and as always, for being a part of this working mom community. You can find everything related to this episode in the show notes at themothernurture.com/podcast, you can also find information about how I support working moms just like you through one-on-one, and group coaching, as well as access a number of resources and articles all on my website at themothernurture.com. I will see you again next week for another episode of the podcast.
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