Episode 61: How Diane Learned to Disconnect (Without Dropping the Ball)
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In this episode, Katelyn talks with Diane, a working mom and HR manager, about her goal of slowing down and being more present with her family. Diane shares how small, intentional shifts—like realistic planning, clearing her post-it “wallpaper,” and setting boundaries with work—helped her move from overwhelmed and reactive to more present and in control. From truly disconnecting on vacation to feeling steady in her day-to-day, this honest conversation is full of practical wins and relatable insight for any mom juggling a full life.
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
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You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Welcome back to the podcast. I am excited to bring you this episode, which is a conversation between me and one of my Beyond Balance clients, Diane, because I think it's going to really resonate with you, especially if you, are someone who finds yourself. Regularly being interrupted and distracted throughout your day, whether it's from text messages or pings from colleagues emails and just everyone else's priorities coming in and feeling like. The more urgent thing than what you set out to do. That is Diane's reality and partly the nature of the work that she does and.
Through the work that we've done in the group program. I can't wait for you to hear what has worked for her in terms of bringing back some of that focused time, which really has helped her achieve what she wanted to achieve, which was to spend less time thinking about work when she was with her family.
So I won't spoil any more of it for you, but I hope you enjoy this conversation. Let's get to the episode.
I'm so excited to have you.
Thank you Katelyn.
I'm excited to be here.
Yeah. So we're gonna have a little chat about your experience in beyond balance. So Diane is currently in the group and she has had some positive wins, some. I don't wanna say challenges, but some things that have taken a little while for you to practice.
And I love that because I think it's so real. We're not like. I don't know. Did you watch those TLC Home makeover shows? As a kid, it's not like 24 hours where we're just gonna snap our fingers and flip the switch. This is about sustainable changes that do take practice and time. And so I hope we'll get into some of that in our conversation.
But to start us off, could you introduce yourself, tell us a little bit about you, your work, your family life,
sure. So my name is Diane. I am a people experience technology manager, , for a software company based in North Carolina.
I am remote, although I do go into the office couple times a month, , but mainly remote. I am married, we have an 8-year-old daughter, and I also have a soon to be 23-year-old stepson.
Love it. And you are busy. You guys have a lot going on. Yes, yes. And
in addition to what I just mentioned by, you know, my family life, in addition to the work life, which.
Does take up a good chunk of my time. , it's important for me to pursue, other interests. I have a couple little side hustles so I, , have some, different wellness lines that I promote. I'm also big into fitness for my own wellbeing, so trying to maintain that.
, I also am. Ambassador for a mom group, , and it's called Her Collective, so it's health, power, and respect for other moms. So I'm an ambassador for that. So yes, just kind of like to, to put my hands in different pots.
Yeah, that's probably a great. Transition into the question that I wanted to start with, which is what were you looking to get help with?
What were you looking to change or solve when you decided to join Beyond Balance?
Uh, well, primarily I recall from our first conversation or when I decided, okay, I need help, , a lot of it was my mindset. One, I just felt I was never present. I was constantly multitasking, which I totally understand that sometimes multitasking is necessary, but I just never felt present, , and I just felt out of control.
I never was ending my day feeling accomplished. Always, I just felt like it was this constant rollercoaster that I had. I, oh, no. Actually I, it was a rollercoaster, but I remember my exact analogy. I always said, I felt like I was on this never ending hamster wheel.
Yeah. Yeah. I think one of the words that we used in that initial conversation, , correct me if I'm wrong, but we talked about the word steady or consistent.
Yes. And I, when I think of a hamster wheel or a rollercoaster, I mean, both of them, , I picture spinning and just go, go, go. Yes,
absolutely.
Is is a lot of what your life looks like sometimes. Mm-hmm. Especially your work somebody needs something from you all the time. I mean, mm-hmm. For everyone listening, right before we got in this call, Diane was describing what a day she's had.
She's coming back from vacation. There's a backlog of requests, people pinging her all day long. I mean, how many times have we talked on our coaching calls about the messages that are just bombarding us all day long and how are we supposed to get anything done with all of the interruptions? Yes.
Yes, exactly.
, I think, like you said, being in my line of work, which I had that title, I probably should have clarified the people experience manager based. I'm an HR manager. , so yes, I do get a lot of requests. I feel like I put fires out all day and I was going into my day with a plan and feeling like I never accomplished anything on my plan.
And that's how it was ending every day. And I just felt like it was piling on and. I was losing control and I was just being reactive.
Yeah. So what's interesting about your intro too, and I'd be curious to hear your thoughts on this sometimes when.
Women come into this program. What they are looking for is to create more space for something that they just can't find the time for. So,
Working out, hanging out with friends, having a hobby time for their relationship. And I'm not saying that you have all the time in the world for those things, but , you do, like you said, , those things are important to you.
You do have a social life. You are involved in things that you are passionate about, and you do the best that you can given your schedule , and commitments , to work out and take care of your body. So for you, it wasn't necessarily from my view, fitting something new in, but just. The space for you, I think has been more about how do you let those things breathe a little bit more?
How do you not be rushing from one thing to the next all of the time? Does that describe your experience?
Yeah, it does. , and I think, with the fitness piece, the working out, Like you said, that was something I'd always been doing, but I think it was a mindset shift with that too.
Kind of, this is important to me. , and so I am choosing to spend this time, carve out this time of my day to do this, realizing if I do that, for example, twice a week, I need to adjust , how much time I will be spending, , on my work. For example, I shouldn't set the expectation that I'm going to get 10 things done that day.
So it's kind of also asking myself what's important to me. , what I value. The time exercise that we had done earlier in the course also really helped just to see how much time I spend with each. And also I did see that theme. I'm like, okay, I am spending this time because this is important to me. So that means I need to adjust realistically what I could spend.
Other pieces on, , or if I do work out on one day or spend time on self-care one day, then maybe the next day it's building in extra time to do more work to balance out what I did the day prior. , so it was a mindset shift and kind of replanning , and looking at my priorities and my values.
, and then also with , the relationship piece, I know a big a goal of mine going into this course. Was with my husband and with our marriage and just being present, , with him. I mean, usually I was, when we would spend time together, you know, the day is over, our daughter's gone to bed, I was sitting there with my laptop.
So not really being present while we're on the couch, catching up on a show or something. But now that I've planned accordingly, I can actually shut down and say Work is done. Mom life is done. My daughter has gone to bed, and now I have this time carved out where I can be present, , for that , last hour of the day and be present and not rush through that.
Hmm. That's a great example. And I'm curious if I were maybe listening and was where you were. Previously, but I think the question going through my head would be like, well, when does that stuff get done? Like the stuff that you used to sit on the couch with your laptop open. I'm sure it's still there.
It's not like it disappear. Yeah.
What, what do you
think? Exactly?
It, it's there. , but I am not trying to get it all done in one day. Is I think the big change. , I have my running list. I think one of the biggest takeaways for me from the course was the way I planned my day and the way my, the expectations I set for myself and for my brain.
I would have just this open list of everything I needed to get done. And in reality, it never really ends, right? It, it never ends. It doesn't. But yet I would still keep trying. To tackle each one through the wee hours of the night. But now it's in my changing the way I'm planning, the way I'm looking at things, what can I realistically touch upon?
And even if it's not completed, I made a dent in it. I worked on it for 15 minutes. Like setting these more realistic goals for myself. And do I always hit those goals? No. You know, sometimes I'll plan, okay, I'll work on this for 30 minutes and I may not get to it, but it's. Still having that running list in the backend that I don't check all day and stress myself out and just focus on the two or three items I need to work on so that I can feel more comfortable being like, okay, done.
I did what I could. I worked on those two or three priority items. And then there's tomorrow. And then there's tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah. Then there's tomorrow. It definitely was a shift. I think it's, maybe it was like not being inundated on the daily with this to-do list, but now I am able to shut down or say I did what I can and now I have this remaining hour and I'm going to be present with my family and focus on that.
Yeah. I'm just, I'm chuckling remembering one of our coaching calls where you were describing the, I just pictured this wallpaper of post-its as well.
Oh yeah. I have one post-it note on my desk and that is it. But I had eliminated all the other Post-it notes.
Yeah.
Which again is, it's so simple. It's so simple. But when you are working all day at a desk, as many of us do, and you are just confronted visually with all of these things that, like you said, you're probably not gonna get to today, maybe even not this week, but you, you wanna put 'em somewhere, which , is smart, right?
We think we're doing ourselves a favor because I wanna put it somewhere else, I'll forget. Right? So we jotted on a post-it and put it somewhere. But then visually, it's overwhelming in the back of our minds. All we're probably thinking or hearing is, I'm not doing enough, or I'm not getting to all of these.
Or when am I gonna get to all of these? And so one of your early homework items, and I don't know if you resisted it or not, was to pull one by one. All those post-its and get 'em onto a big, long list in, I forget, are using a note like a notepad, right?
Yes, I am using a simple notepad. I figured that was the easiest for me.
I toyed around with the idea of using different apps and I was like, you know what, that's just gonna take me more time to figure out the app or, and I'm like, let's keep it simple. And so, yeah, I have an abundance of notepads. I'm using a notepad to track. Yeah. So I have that notepad that tracks everything from work to my personal home projects as well. Mm-hmm. And I think my resistance initially was more so, so I did that piece. My initial resistance was not looking at it throughout the day. , but once I, allowed myself to, to try this new approach, absolutely. I see where it is not stressing me out to see it regularly.
. What I learned from the course. I look at it when I'm doing my planning. . And I grab the couple of things I can fit into today or what I'd like to attempt to fit in today realistically. And I don't look at it again unless I have something to add to it. But yeah, I don't sit there getting stressed out, but I, all of the to-dos because they will be there.
They will always be there. , and I think I resisted because I was nervous that I don't know what it was. I'm like, am I gonna forget? Am I gonna drop the ball on things? But no, it certainly has helped. And interestingly, I was on vacation last week, and I just got back this week and in the past, whenever I had gone on vacation, I was always during vacation checking email and looking at my to-do list of.
What I need to do, but this, approach, this planning helped me to better prepare for that. And so I was truly able to disconnect for the past week.
Wow.
Except for one day that was planned. It was a planned meeting that I had to attend, so I did that, but that was it. I disconnected , for the remaining seven days.
I love that. What a difference, right? Mm-hmm. To go on a vacation, not just for your experience of having one foot in both worlds. Yeah. One foot still kind of in the work world with checking and email or notification and one foot in vacation mode, but also, like you said, one of your goals is to be more present in your marriage and with your daughter, with your family.
Mm-hmm. And. Yeah. What is that experience like when we go on vacation, but we're always checking in with work , for those who are around us.
Yeah, it definitely, I mean, I know my husband has mentioned it. He's like, can you not work when you're on vacation? And I would always come up with the excuse saying, no, I can't do that.
This is just the nature of my work. I'm like, I just always have to do that. And I was like, and unfortunately, if I'm taking a vacation, I need to get caught up. So I need to use that time of vacation time to get caught up on what I'm missing out on. So that was always my excuse, but yeah, now I've shown I can actually disconnect and separate the two.
You know, I planned what I wanted to accomplish before, and did I get to all of them? No. And that's okay. It was waiting for me when I got back, but I adjusted accordingly. Yeah. , but then I was able to feel that I was in a good place on that last day and I was like, okay, I did what I could. I accomplished the majority of what I said were the truly important things to get done and I'm gonna disconnect.
Yeah. That's amazing. I hadn't heard that story yet since you're just,
yeah. Yeah. I was actually, when as we're talking, I was like, you know what? This was the first time I've actually been disconnected from a vacation.
Yeah. You need to share that as a win Yeah. With the group. Yes. Yes. I will definitely. One of the things that we do in the group, and I love to see it, and I think it's encouraging for everybody else to see your peers in the group.
Like what is working, what have you made progress on? What is a change that you've noticed? , and that's a perfect example of one.
Yeah, absolutely. And. Not just my post-it notes and we talked about my post-it notes that I cleared, but , I know I shared before as a win is my inbox.
I know I have cleared out.
I'm so jealous hearing this.
Well not cleared out, but Reorganized. Yes, reorganized. 'cause there they were still there of course. , I mean, I cleared out stuff that didn't need to be there anymore, but. Learning the techniques that you had mentioned on how to organize the inbox with the different folders.
And same thing, I think similar to the Post-it notes, I think having over a hundred emails that were just sitting there in my inbox was, such a distraction and it was just a heavy weight on me to see them all. And almost like I was paralyzed because I'm like, , I don't even know where to start seeing all of these.
But just reorganizing them and having, specific the to-dos, what do I have to get back to, , or think it's like revisit and respond and to do Yep. Is what I have in there. And that has helped tremendously. And in a way it's kind of re-energize me to see that the inbox itself is,
today it's down, it's at 30, but yes, to go from over a hundred to 30, I'll take that.
That's amazing. And to just have so much of this is just about having a process that you trust and that you know, this is what I do when I go into clear my inbox. I'm sorting them into these folders, and then the next time I sit down, I'm gonna open up the to respond folder and I'm gonna.
Reply to as many as I can in the 15 minutes that I have, or whatever it is. Right? Right. Mm-hmm. Or you have a process for, okay, when I think of something or someone messages me a task, instead of just dropping everything and doing it, I'm gonna put it on the list so I can prioritize it alongside all of the other things that everybody is telling me is a top priority, but I choose that.
Right. Exactly. Yes. Definitely .
Allowing me to take more control over being so reactive to what everyone asks me.
Hmm. Speaking of reactive, can you share a little bit about your journey , and maybe what has worked or what you're still working on in terms of the interruptions? Because I know that is a big part for anyone who knows HR or just, so many of our corporate jobs these days, the constant.
Messages and alerts and pings. Mm-hmm. What has that been like for you
and that that is still a challenge? It's still a work in progress, I will say. There we go. It's definitely still a work in progress. Yeah. , but I have been able to minimize them, , to a certain degree. So I get messages. Actually, I'm gonna minimize my teams because , I see I'm getting messages as we speak.
, I have always been putting the focus time on my calendar, but I myself was not necessarily honoring that focus time. , I would check my email, I would respond to what others are saying, so I've gotten better with minimizing my email minimizing my teams.
When I'm in focus time, I have a do not disturb that others can see. If they try to ping me, I think I allow like the head of HR and my direct supervisor to interrupt if need be. But everyone else gets a do not disturb, , message. So just honoring the focus time , myself has been a help.
Also sending these cues to myself that this is my focus time. So when I have designated my focus time, I usually turn on some focus music in the background. So I know this is focus time. , and just having , that cue for myself has also helped.
Well, I remember on one of the coaching calls we talked about the difference between doing whatever the thing the person is pinging you about.
That's it. Versus just honoring it. Like, okay, I've got it and I'm gonna put it on my list.
Yes. . Exactly. Yes. So I would, you know, respond right away or get distracted from what I was doing and, and say, okay, well I can get that answer for you, or I can look into that.
And now I I give them this blanket answer saying, you know, received, I will work on it later today, or I'll put it on my radar. I just. Before this call I got two pings, two messages on teams saying, Hey, can you review this document for me? Normally I would stop what I was doing.
I'm like, okay, it's a document. Let me just skim it over and see if I have any updates. But I realize now doing that once, doing it multiple times, completely robs myself of that focus time I've put aside for myself. So I responded with, receive the document. I will review it by end of week, and then I put it on my to-do list, and then I put in parentheses review by end of week so that I know when I'm doing my morning check that I committed to reviewing by end of week, and I'll prioritize when I have some time to get to that.
Yes. , I'm silently applauding over here. I know no one, yeah. I love listening. Can't see that, but that is such a game changer. We just allow everyone else to hijack our plan and in some cases it does have to happen. Right? Yeah. Your manager, supervisor, there is an actual fire that has to be put out.
Mm-hmm. By all means. I'm not saying. We don't all have those examples, but so often they review a document. Can you look into this for me? Can you tell me where this is?
Right?
Why am I gonna allow that person to tell me what's most important? They are not looking at my full list of projects that are on my print.
Right. I decide that. Mm-hmm. And most of the time, all anybody wants is just to be recognized by receipt. Right. Received. I got it. I'll put it on my list.
Exactly. Yes.
And that gets you so much time back for the things that you've decided are the priority.
Yeah. And , what I would find would happen is when I would do that more often in the past, is I would take the time to do that and like you said, for this other, person, but my priority projects would not be touched.
And so I would end up working on them at the last minute. Then that's what would be, what would get in the way of my family life. So that's typically what I would be doing at the end of the night when I should be more present, is I would be working on my personal project. That was my priority. But now here I am scrambling because I've worked on everyone else's.
So now I can make sure I'm getting what I need to get done first, so I don't take away time from my family.
I just had goosebumps or mm-hmm. That, thank you for bringing that full circle, because when you do that, now, when someone does send over a request, it's not, is it important or can I do this right now, but is this worth time with my family?
Mm-hmm. Or me being present with my husband at the end of the day. That's probably a very different answer. Yeah.
Exactly, and like you said, there's always exceptions to the rule. Always. There are times where I do need to do that, but it's definitely been less.
Yeah. And it will always be a work in progress, I would guess.
Mm-hmm. But already, if you think about, we've been in the group for eight weeks, the shift, gosh, it's been eight weeks. That's it has been. Eight weeks. Mm-hmm. Yeah. But think about the shifts that you've made in just eight weeks. This is already becoming, I mean, if you responded to two just this morning in that way mm-hmm.
It's already becoming a practice that is feeling more and more normal to you.
Mm-hmm.
It's so exciting to think about what's next.
And I think also it's feeling normal to me, but it's also, , setting the tone for others too. Yeah. Where I think others were always used to be saying, okay, I'll do it right away.
And I think it's also helped set the tone that no, I'm not gonna respond to it right away. , someone else's priority is not necessarily my priority. At the moment. So I think it also has helped to set that tone and I think that's helped to buy me some time in a way.
Absolutely. That's powerful. Mm-hmm. I love that. So many great examples. I'm so excited for the changes you've made. The changes that are still in process. The impact that this will have on the next vacation, the next family time. Just how you feel in general about what you're getting done and how you're showing up to all of these different parts of your life that is really full.
But I hear overall this shift for you and how you think about your time.
Yes. And the tracking of our time in the beginning really helped. I had never done that exercise before. I think I was probably intimidated. I was like, oh, I don't know if I really wanna know the answer. , yeah, I was always intimidated to do that.
I'd always heard it's a good exercise to do and I, I was just, I was defiant. Didn't wanna do it, but. Doing it for a week. It was very Yes, and it was very enlightening also. Yeah.
There's a reason that we start with that always. Yeah. , and I
learned, like I said, I learned my priorities and what I value, but then I also learned I am an underestimate of how much time it takes me to do certain tasks.
So I would always say, all right, I'm gonna block off my calendar and I'm gonna work on this for 30 minutes and it'll be done. And then when it's not done, that's when the snowball starts happening and that's when I start to feel like I'm losing control. So I have started as a result of that exercise, I tack on like an extra 30 minutes now , to task.
And again, it's not perfect. There are times where I'm like, okay, I underestimated that. Or I didn't even get time to start that, but just even building that in and not being so back to back in my day has helped too.
Yeah. And you were not alone in that experience. . When we think about everyone else in the group, so many others were like, me too, me too.
I underestimate, yeah. I underestimated a lot. Yes. Yeah. And so you pile all of these things. Together, underestimating, the wall covered in post-its, the interruptions, the inbox, all of it together. It's no wonder that you felt like you were on a hamster wheel mm-hmm. With no exit. Yes.
And so each one in and of itself is not. Earth shattering in, you know what it actually is, but you make all of these small shifts and put 'em all together and you get some pretty significant results. You feel, you just feel better.
Yes. Oh yes, I definitely do. And that was one of my concerns, if you recall going into this when I was debating.
If this would be good for me Yeah. To, to join the group. I, I was like, well, how much time is this gonna take? Yeah. I feel like I might get overwhelmed and I debated for a while if I would be a good candidate , for the group. Yeah. And , I think you had explained to me, it's not necessarily additional time, but it's just the way that we do things.
Making a shift on things that we're already doing. So I was already planning my day, but in a different way. They're just shifting the what I'm already doing and just maybe looking, can I tweak things and not everything we talk about necessarily speaks to me.
Um, totally. But then, just being open to the shift has definitely helped.
Yeah. I'm glad you shared that. I had forgotten that you were like, I'm not sure I can even fit this in. I don't
think I have to.
Yes. I was like, oh,
that's another hour each week and that, yes.
Yeah. But it was really just changing those things that I'm already doing and being open to a new method for doing it. Yeah.
Yeah. As we wrap up, this has been so fun to just hear what you're learning and taking away, but as we wrap up, and maybe what you just said is the answer to this question, but what would you say to someone who is maybe on the fence, not sure if this is gonna be worth it, or will it work for me?
I would say. I would've encourage them to go for it. There's really nothing to lose, honestly, , like I said, there's not an additional extra time commitment. It's just a way of thinking that you may not have ever considered, and if you come away with learning one, two new ideas, it could make a world of a difference
just in your mental health alone and just feeling that you have control and that, it's definitely a change. Nothing to lose, I would say. Go for it.
Yeah. Yeah. Right. One change, one shift. What if that's the thing,
right? Yeah. The small, the small adjustments definitely accumulate to a big shift.
Absolutely. We, we do have to fit it in. We are really busy, right? Mm-hmm. Nobody has time for big homework items and overhauling their life. It is about doing it in the smallest way that we can.
Yes, yes. I just glanced at my whiteboard here, where I track every week how many times I've had the thought of, , I don't have enough time.
And in the beginning, so eight weeks ago, there was a lot of, uh. Tally The count was pretty, yeah. Tallies. And now I'm looking at it, and this was from before I went on vacation, so this was two weeks ago, and I only have two tally marks on there of how many times I had the thought that I don't have time for this.
Wow. I love that. Yeah. And that's a great example of a homework item. I mean, that was your homework one of the weeks.
Yes, it was. And again, it didn't take extra time. But just doing that exercise really helped. It, it, it's eyeopening.
I love that. Look at you almost down to nothing. I mean, two times over a week.
Sh Yeah, I do that. I'll take that. Right, exactly. I think I'm like, that's inevitable. Yes. I love it. Well, thank you so much. This was so fun. I love chatting with you. Your energy is always so great and to just hear behind the scenes of how this is showing up for you and the examples of what it looks like to do this work has been so great.
So thank you so much.
Yeah. You're welcome. Thank you for having me.
Thanks so much for listening all the way to the end of the episode. Enrollment for my time training and coaching program Beyond Balance is opening up on July. 31st, you can learn all of the details, including about a special early bonus by signing up and coming to my live class on July 31st at 12:00 PM Eastern, 9:00 AM Pacific.
Head to themothernurture.com/class to learn more.
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