Episode 62: Your To-Do List Isn’t the Problem—Your Expectations Are
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
Do you ever feel like you add more items to your to-do list than you cross off? It's frustrating to work so hard and never get "caught up".
In this episode, Katelyn shares a powerful mindset shift that every working mom needs to hear: your to-do list isn’t meant to be finished. And expecting that you'll one day get "caught up” will only lead to frustration. Tune in to hear what to do instead feel more in control and at peace with your never-ending list.
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
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Hey there. I've got a quick question for you. Do you ever feel like there's never enough time to do all the things that you need to do as a working mom? If you're anything like my clients and a lot of the listeners I've been talking to, I'm guessing the answer is yes, no matter what. You try from time blocking and turning off notifications to fancy planners or intricate lists, full of color coded categories.
Nothing seems to really have an impact on the size of your to-do list, let alone how you feel about how much you got done each day. If you resonate with that, I've got something for you. I am bringing back my popular training called Plenty of Time, four Steps to Create More Space in Your Working Mom Schedule.
During this class, I'm gonna walk you through exactly how to get things done in the time that you have, no matter what season of life you're in or how busy you are. It is happening on Thursday, July 31st at 12 noon Eastern time, 9:00 AM Pacific. No complicated tools or just double down mentality. This is just a simple, repeatable way to make progress on that never ending list.
Go to the mother nurture.com/class to get all signed up. Again, that's the mother nurture.com/class. I can't wait to see you there.
You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I am just coming back from a week long family vacation. We travel to Lake Michigan every year. We have been for the last, I don't know, four or five years with our family, and it's a week of. Basically very little itinerary planning.
We kind of have our set routines of going to the beach most days. We pick blueberries. We work on a couple of puzzles as a family, play lots of games. I think I read at least three books. Maybe start at a fourth. Yeah, I did all last week and it's just so relaxing and comfortable. I certainly have my moments where I question if we should be doing.
A more adventurous vacation in the summer, seeing more places, and maybe we will do that in upcoming summers. Who knows? My kids are getting a little bit older and so I can imagine more easily getting on planes and just having to be travelers, right? But for this year I loved again our trip and so.
I am back though. I'm feeling refreshed. I'm excited to talk to you today in this new episode, and I wanna talk today about that list of yours. Call it your to-do list. I like to call it my running list, that list of projects that you have, the list of things that you want to or need to remember to do wherever you keep it.
I truly hope. That it is somewhere other than just in your head, in your memory,
or in your inbox, listen to, I think it's episode one of the podcast, the Power of a Simple To-Do List. I'll put the link to that episode in the show notes, but definitely listen to that. If you don't know what I'm talking about when it comes to a consolidated running list, it's so important. But even for those of you who have been around for a while, or maybe we've worked together at some point, and you have followed.
Through on those steps, you have everything consolidated. If you are still expecting to get quote unquote caught up, or if you are still expecting that, you will feel better once your list is under control. This episode is for you. I notice this happening even with working moms who have done a great job of keeping track of things, creating that running list so that they've got a central source when they go to decide what to do next, or how should I use this 30 minute block of time that I have between meetings if you are still expecting that at some point.
It will be to a place where you will feel happy with it or you will feel satisfied in the amount that you've gotten done, then you still have work to do. Just as I have talked before here on the podcast about there being no such thing as a normal week, what if there is no such thing as a completed to-do list?
Maybe a completed to-do list for your day. I certainly teach that, and I think that is always possible. It comes down to knowing how to use your list and your calendar together to create a plan for your time choosing and prioritizing. That is what I'm going to be teaching this Thursday on July 31st in my free live class.
Plenty of time, which if you haven't signed up yet, please do. There will be a replay. You can sign up at themothernurture.com/class. But what if there is no such thing as a completed to-do list? What if by definition, as an adult, as a parent, as a professional. There will always be more to do, and if there isn't more to do, well, I don't know.
You must no longer be living. I really can't think of a scenario where there won't always be more to do. You could have the most organized to-do list and the best plan for your time, but if you are still expecting that one day, you'll get caught up. Then you're setting yourself up to continue to be frustrated, overwhelmed, or angry at your circumstances.
Changing your expectations about what the purpose of a to-do list is, will change everything. Let's think about a comparable example. So, you know, I love to talk about laundry. I have a whole episode about laundry. If laundry is a thing for you, again, go to the show notes at themothernurture.com/podcast and
you can find the link to that episode there. But we all do laundry unless you've outsourced it completely, which good for you. What a dream, but it never ends. Even if you're outsourcing it, you still continue to have dirty clothes. I just put a load of laundry in this morning. I did two yesterday and two the day before that, on the day that we got home from vacation and my dryer filter was full of sand, I had to bring it over to the trash can and dump all of the sand out.
But you don't do laundry with the expectation that once you get caught up, you won't have to do it anymore. You know that even while doing a load of laundry, the clothes that you have on or that your kids are wearing today will end up right in the dirty hamper that evening and start the whole cycle over again.
I have coached so many women who have felt very frustrated by laundry, and sometimes it is because they just don't have a good routine or process in place, and I help you do that. But once they are getting it done with some ease, it is just a part of their daily, weekly routine. When they're still frustrated by the laundry, it's because they're expecting to get a break to get caught up, and that's just not a realistic expectation.
Or let's think about email very similarly, you don't sort through your inbox filing and responding with the expectation that you'll finally be done with email. You sort it for today, or more realistically, you sort it for this hour or this 15 minutes. You respond to the most urgent items, you delete the junk, you save the things that you need to come back to later when you do have more time or you put something on your to-do list to take action on outside of your inbox, and probably before you're even done sorting, more emails have already come in.
We don't go into sorting it with the expectation that it will be done. And so the same is true for that list of things that you need to do. I've shared before that my husband and I keep a running list of things that we think of that need to get done either around the house for the kids, for upcoming travel or events.
Right now, I think downstairs I have things like research gymnastics 'cause my daughter is interested in that this year and we've never done it before. Register for soccer before the deadline passes. Purchase more pea gravel for around our garden beds and order more checks so I can write a check occasionally, as I still sometimes do.
And we cross off quite a bit each week by dividing up these tasks. I'm always pretty amazed at what we're able to do in the evenings or weekends, but I kid you not, no sooner do I cross something off than I'm adding two more things because I just thought of them. Now, I could get frustrated by that. I could be frustrated that I'm not getting ahead, or that I'm taking two steps forward and one step back, and the list never seems to actually shrink because everything I cross off is immediately replaced by something else.
But I don't because that's just life with three kids, two full-time jobs, a home, a social life, and taking care of ourselves. I accept it and I expect it. That's what's realistic to me. I expect that there will be an avalanche of things to do as we approach going back to school in three weeks. I know, I'm sorry to be the one to bring it up, but three weeks for us here in the Midwest.
I know longer for those of you in other parts of the country, I expect that there will always be something to work on around the house. We are homeowners. It's a privilege, but it also comes with a lot of work. I just don't make it a problem. I don't make it something to get angry about. It's just a list.
It's a list that actually helps me because it means I don't have to remember. It means I'm not going to forget. It means I can share the tasks with my husband. It means I will get the things done eventually. The truth is, it's not about how much you get done or how much you cross off of your list each day or week.
That really matters. Of course, you wanna meet your deadlines. Side note, I missed a pretty big deadline for the camp that my kids are in this week, and I realized that when we were on vacation, they wanted medical forms signed by our pediatrician anyway, even then. I could have completely been frustrated with myself and the lack of time and how big my to-do list is, but I just got the thing done.
I called the people I owned up to my mistake, and it's all fine. Right? What matters more than how much you cross off? What matters more than moving through your to-do list is about how you feel while getting things done. You could get a hundred things done this week and make a huge dent in your list, but if you're still frustrated that you even have this much to do in the first place, or that your list isn't completed, then it doesn't really matter.
I could get just five things done, but if I feel good while crossing them off, then to me. That's what I want. Yes, I wanna get things done just as much as you do. Sometimes I am tired of looking at things that have been on my list for too long, or I'm tired of people following up and asking me if I've done the thing, but I want to get things done and take care of myself by walking each day and lifting weights and getting plenty of sleep.
I wanna get things done and play with my kids, or just be present enough to look them in the eye while they're telling me some story about, I don't know, a pill bug that they found on the sidewalk. You know, the little rolly pullies. I wanna get things done and be relaxed enough to give my husband a kiss when he comes home, or hold his hand for a minute in the middle of the bedtime rush.
And I can't do those things if I'm constantly thinking about what I have to do next and how much I didn't get done. Or if I am frustrated that I have a long list in the first place, the list will always be there. I cannot think of a single scenario again where that to-do list goes away. Even when the kids get older or you retire, or even with outsourcing more, if that's the route that you go, there will always be things that we want to do.
Life admin that needs to be taken care of.
It's time to accept that. It's time to expect it as well. To know that there's nothing that you're doing wrong if you still have a list, and if your list is long, what if that's the way it's supposed to be? Now part of what helps me relax a bit when it comes to my long to-do list is making empowered decisions about what I'm realistically going to focus on each day or each week.
I can then just follow my plan as best as I can and stop constantly looking at my list. That looking at your list only creates feelings of overwhelm. Now I'm teaching my four step framework to managing time and planning your days in my upcoming class happening this Thursday called Plenty of Time.
There will be a replay if the time doesn't work for you. So still sign up and you can do that themothernurture.com/class. And this Thursday also enrollment is opening for my time training and coaching program. Beyond Balance, this group will completely change the way you feel about your time and.
Getting things done. It's the strategies and hacks that you need to actually put processes in place to get more done. And it's also the mindset shifts that you need so that you can follow through. Plus, it's accountability templates, resources, and my best ideas for balancing your time as a busy working mom, I'm offering a special bonus that you won't wanna miss.
So again, sign up for class and attend live, or watch the replay to find out more. You can head to themothernurture.com/class. I really hope to see you there.
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