Episode 116: Why "Just for This Season" Keeps Turning Into Forever (And How to Stop It)
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
In this episode, I'm talking about that exact moment: the one where you've dropped a ball or burned the candle at both ends one too many nights, and you finally have to decide what to let go of. I share two of my own stories — giving up running after my first child was born, and later stepping out of a travel-heavy sales role after my third — and why both of those choices, while hard, weren't permanent verdicts on who I am.
Because here's the trap I see so often with working moms: we make a smart, necessary choice to scale back for a season, and then that "for now" quietly turns into "just how things are" for years, without us ever checking back in. I'll walk you through why that happens and give you a simple way to build in an actual check-in point, so your choices stay choices, not permanent sentences.
If you've ever had to cut something you loved to survive a season of parenting, work, or life, this one's for you.
Links and resources mentioned in this episode:
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You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode. Hey, hey. Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. How are you doing this week? I'm chuckling because in our online community for my Momentum group coaching program, we were all commiserating about the fact that we cannot apparate. We cannot snap our fingers and be in another location to cut out that commute or transition time that so often goes unaccounted for, and yes, wouldn't that be nice? But unfortunately, we live in a time that we do, and that is not possible. And it has me thinking a lot about time and how we use it. Of course, that's a lot of what we talk about here, But you know that moment when you realize that you can't do it all, and you're forced to make a decision about letting something go? It's a tough moment, and it's not a one and done. It's a moment that happens repeatedly, especially when you're raising kids, and you've got work and a home and all of those things added in It's a tough moment I think these moments happen a lot of times after we have dropped a ball, or at least that in my experience is when I can picture these moments having happened in my life. I double book, I miss something, I forget to do something, or after maybe a few days or weeks or months of burning the candle at both ends, I'm finally at the point where I'm ready to acknowledge that I cannot continue on with the way things have been. And so something has to go. And in those moments, you're faced with what feels like an impossible decision about what to let go of. It feels like it's all necessary. It feels like it's all important, and anything that you extricate from your calendar, from your schedule, from your to-do list, it's not gonna feel good. And so I just wanna normalize that first It is a tough place to be. It does not feel great. And if you are like any of the women that I coach, so many of the options that we come up with in terms of what we might scale back or cut are the ones that impact you Maybe it's changing jobs or changing your work schedule, declining a promotion into a role that you do not have the capacity for, giving up on sleep, letting go of workouts or a class that you like to take or travel or time with friends It can feel like giving up, like you are losing something And it's frustrating that adulting, keeping up with work, keeping up at home, keeping up with your health and your kids takes so much time, and there's just not enough of it If any of that resonates with you and if you have ever had to decide what to cut, if you have felt the pain of declining something or opting out or letting something go, I wanna remind you that you are choosing what's best or what fits in your life right now, not forever I remember giving up running after I had my first child. I think it's a pretty common story. I, at least I hear it a lot for women, especially after giving birth. It's hard on our bodies. Running is also hard on our bodies, and so it is something that I, hear from other women, "Oh, I used to be a runner." I also used to be a runner. Before my son was born, I ran with a running club a couple of times a week. It was actually how I made friends when we first relocated to Cincinnati and I didn't really know anyone, and so I joined a running club. We met a couple of times a week. I trained for 10Ks and half marathons. It was social, but it was also my exercise, and it got me outside and seeing different neighborhoods in the city. I loved calling myself a runner. I loved the runner's high. I felt so good after completing those long runs. But after giving birth, not only was my body unable to handle running, at least not right away, but also I didn't really have the time, especially not the energy for it. Not to mention that the running club I was a part of met on, I think it was Tuesday evenings, or it was a weeknight evening, right during bedtime routine, because it was after work. A lot of young professionals were in this group. And so it was right in the middle of bedtime routine, and in those days, I was going to bed myself as early as possible because my son was up multiple times a night well beyond his first year. And then the other time we would meet for runs was on Saturday mornings, and that would be our long run of the week. And I just didn't know, one, how my body would handle that. Obviously, I could have worked up to it, but in the beginning, how my body would've handled that, and I didn't know also how I would do that while breastfeeding and again, feeling so tired from not sleeping well at night. And I know that plenty of women do that. I see professional athletes and Olympic athletes and just everyday women as well getting right back into their sports, and I know I could have figured it out too, just like they do, but in that season, I made the choice to step away from that hobby. I remember spiraling. I remember thinking, "I will never work out again. I will always be trapped underneath a baby. Parenting and working and keeping up at home takes up so much time. I'll never have time for anything else." And it's true, it does take a lot of time and effort. But what I had to learn through experience is that it wasn't my story forever. I made a hard choice for that season, and it did take me a while to find my new groove for working out, but I did find it. I did find it. And what that time gave me was time to rest, time to figure out how to be a working mom, I was new to the gig at that time, and time to connect with myself and also figure out who I was going to be in this next season of my life Then later on in my parenting journey after my third kid was born, I made another big choice, a choice for the season I was in, one that was a professional choice, which I know so many of you face, so many of my clients face these types of decisions as well, so I know I'm not alone in this. I was frankly tired of the logistical challenges of work travel. I had done all I could do to reduce my travel as much as possible and still meet my sales quota, I was in a sales role, but still meet my quota holding meetings and talking with clients virtually. But it did still require enough travel that I was feeling tired of it. I was good at my job. I enjoyed the work and the challenge, but the travel was hard for me. And I know that's not the case for everyone. I have never been a great traveler. I am actually flying solo with all three of my kids next week, and the anxiety is already creeping in for me. And so I made the decision at that time in that season of my life to move to a different role within the company, one that didn't require travel and one that didn't have a quota. I worried, as I know so many of you do too, about what that change would do to my pay potential, not just in my current everyday life and what my paycheck would look like, but my salary growth over the course of my career, the impact to my career progression, how it would look on my resume, so many other worries and concerns. And I do want to acknowledge that career changes do have larger impacts, and so I'm not saying that it's easy to make a change for the season that you're in and not have it impact those bigger picture opportunities for you, but I am saying that people do change jobs all the time. And as someone who has changed jobs and companies and even industries, those changes do tend to make sense in hindsight when you go to explain your resume to a potential future employer because you get to tell the story. You get to tell the story of those changes. And sometimes for the season that you're in, a change is required. And again, it's not forever if that's what works for you right now. But being in that point where you recognize that everything that you are holding or managing or expecting of yourself is too much for the season of life that you are in It is wise and necessary to make decisions about what truly fits and to let go of something that could create the space that you need right now and to remember that it's not for forever Now maybe you're like, "Okay, that's great. I get it. I'm bought in. I can let something go. I can make a decision or a choice or a change in my life, and I can see it as just being for this season where I have a newborn, I have a sick parent that I am caring for, I am in a really busy season at work, or my kids' extracurriculars are requiring a lot, or we've taken on this big house project." Right? When we bring in something new like that, oftentimes we do have to make choices about what we're gonna put on the back burner for that season. But I do see this mentality, as much as I, I want to encourage it, to make changes, to let things go for the season you're in, it can become a problem, and I wanna talk about that Because if you are in a situation where you need to step back from something, you are no longer gonna volunteer on that board that you love because your time needs to go somewhere else, or you're gonna take a break from your gym or that weekly exercise class that you go to every Wednesday night, or you're gonna pause on the certification that you were studying for and revisit that in the future, or you're gonna give up maybe just simply on cooking meals at home, and you're gonna pivot to more ready-made meals or carry-out meals. And so you make the change. You let go of the thing. You step back. You decline. You pivot And you remind yourself, because you've listened to this episode, that it's not for forever. It is a temporary change. It's because of the season you're in. Just like you won't have to pump for forever, your kids won't wake up in the middle of the night forever, you won't change diapers forever, This change that you're ma- making also won't be forever But the weeks and then the months go by. It was the right choice to set that thing aside, to opt out, to decline, to pass, so that you could manage the current season of life that you're in. But those months turn into quarters, and those quarters turn into years Without, a check-in, a process where you evaluate how you're spending your time and assess what your priorities are now, you might find yourself years down the road never having gotten back to the thing you so enjoyed doing: working out, taking a class, volunteering, cooking, doing the work that you love Someone posted the other day the greatest time lapse in a movie, and it was Hugh Grant walking down the streets of Notting Hill as the seasons changed around him. Of course, from the movie Notting Hill. I hope you've all seen that. If not, please watch it. It's a classic. Never gets old. But he's walking through the streets and the seasons change around him from summer to fall to winter and back to spring again. All while the song Ain't No Sunshine plays in the background. It truly is so perfect. And I think of that here. It's so true. Seasons do change, both literal seasons and figurative seasons And if we're not present to the seasons of our lives that change, what started out as a temporary change, a just for now, just while we're dealing with this, can quickly become just the way things are So if you're on the precipice of making a choice for the season that you're in, do it. I'm not saying don't. Oftentimes we have to make a change you can make the choice, make the change, and trust that it is a season and it doesn't have to be this way or doesn't have to be your decision for forever But then create some accountability for yourself to ensure that it is just a season if that's what you want. Put a reminder on your calendar for whatever timeframe feels relevant. If you're in a particularly heavy extracurricular season, put a reminder on your calendar for the week after the last performance or the last game. If you're in a season of caring for someone who is sick, check in at the next quarter or the literal change of seasons. If you're making a career pivot, check in at this time next year or after your next performance review If you're letting a hobby or an activity or a class go, is this going to be short-term or long-term? And then put a reminder on your calendar to reevaluate. Making a change is good. We all have to do that in different seasons Maybe it ends up being for the best and you want to keep the change that you made indefinitely. I never went back to a sales role, and I ended up pivoting to be a life and executive coach and a business owner and a host of a podcast. I also never went back to running, and I am at peace with that. But I did experiment with lots of other forms of movement in place of that when I was getting a little bit more rest and my body had healed. And now today, I consistently lift heavy weights for exercise so don't make a change and just leave it. Make a change and evaluate From your evaluation, maybe you recommit to the choice that you made to let that thing go Or you add it back in because you see it still as a temporary solution for a specific season of your life Sometimes, many times, change and sacrifice, letting things go is necessary, but it doesn't have to be that way forever. It's what's best for you right now If you are in a season of change or pivoting, if you know that you are at capacity with your time right now and you're struggling to see even what your options are, what you could let go of that wouldn't cause the entire thing to crumble, that is exactly what I help my clients with. We start with evaluating and auditing their time, looking at all of the options, and oftentimes I am able to find options that you didn't even realize existed. And from there, we experiment, and we test out the changes to see if it creates the time and the capacity and the energy that you need. And then we put in that accountability so that it doesn't have to be a change that lasts for the rest of your life or the rest of your working mom journey, unless you choose for it to be that way I have openings for one-on-one clients right now. I would absolutely love to support you with any changes that you are considering So if you're curious and want to learn more you can check out my website and answer a few quick questions over at themothernurture.com/application. I can't wait to hear from you and see if you could be a good fit for coaching. All right. Until the next week's episode, I hope you take care, and I'll talk to you soon Thank you for listening and as always, for being a part of this working mom community. You can find everything related to this episode in the show notes at themothernurture.com/podcast, you can also find information about how I support working moms just like you through one-on-one, and group coaching, as well as access a number of resources and articles all on my website at themothernurture.com. I will see you again next week for another episode of the podcast.
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