Episode 113: Why Your Routines Aren't Sticking — And How to Fix It Today
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
If you've ever made a solid plan to start a new habit and still didn't follow through, you're probably missing this crucial step.
I'm sharing something that came straight out of a coaching session last week, and it was too good not to bring to the podcast. We talk a lot about habit stacking, knowing your why, and building better routines. But there's one step that most of us skip, and it's often the exact reason we give up before we even get started.
That step is Visualization. And I don't mean the motivational-poster version of it. I mean actually walking through the specific, unglamorous details of how a change is going to happen in your real life because when you don't, you're forced to make a dozen tiny decisions in the moment when you're tired, overwhelmed, and most likely to just do what you've always done.
I walk you through a real client example to show you exactly how this works and how you can apply it to anything you're trying to change right now.
And if you want help knowing which routines to change, creating a doable plan, and actually following through, I have two coaching spots open this summer. Submit your application today to learn more → www.themothernurture.com/application
Links and resources mentioned in this episode:
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You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode. Hello, hello. Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I hope you're doing well this week. I have been so inspired by client coaching sessions lately. I feel like every time I wrap up a session, I'm jotting down a note. I'm saying to myself, "Oh, this is such a great topic," or, "I love this," or," There is a theme going on here. Everyone is really struggling with X or Y." And today's episode is no exception. This topic is a result of a session from last week that I just left feeling really inspired by. And so we're gonna talk today about change, Which I know is a regular theme here because so many of you are looking to make changes. You found this podcast because there is something that is challenging about working mom life, about managing and showing up in the way that you want to at work, being the parent that you want to be, keeping all of the balls in the air, so to speak. And if you're like so many of the women that I talk to, we want more. We want it to feel easier. We want it to feel better. And to get there, it does require some change, whether that's change to a routine, change to a schedule, change to a job, change to the support that you get or the relationship that you have, or there are so many factors and areas of life that we could change. And so it makes sense that that is a theme, that that is a topic that we return to again and again. And, and what I know, having walked alongside hundreds of women through my different coaching programs, is that making change can be hard. It can be challenging. I know that from personal experience, and I'm sure you do too. Deciding to get up and work out before the kids wake up when right now you're used to sleeping in. Adding in an evening walk to get more steps when you've not done that before. Taking a supplement that you know will help, when your mornings are already rushed. Or even for your kids, packing a lunch for camp when you are used to relying on school or daycare providing that lunch There are changes that we don't choose, and there are changes that we choose But either way, it's doing something differently from the way we've done it before. If you're like a lot of my clients and the working moms that I talk to, you've maybe read Atomic Habits by James Clear. You have probably, researched or know about habit stacking or habit trackers or even the power of defining what about this change or this new thing is important to you, understanding your why. Those are all strategies and tools that we implement when we do want to make a change, when we want to shift a habit or a routine. But there is a step that still a lot of you are missing when it comes to making change in your daily life, and this step can be the step that makes the difference between following through and giving up. And that step is visualizing I'm gonna use one of my clients as an example because as I said, this was a topic of our session recently, and she, like so many of us, planted a small garden in the spring. I did as well. I've got four different types of tomatoes and five different types of peppers, and I also planted a cut flower garden that I started from seed. It is fun to show our kids how food grows or, or how plants in general grow, to teach them the skill of caring for something, and it gets everyone outside and really observing nature in a way that we are often too busy to notice. It creates awe, at least it does for me, to watch a tomato or a cucumber or a flower slowly grow over time and to know that you played a part in that But for my client and probably for many of you, the idea is often very different from reality. The reality is that our days are long with work and school or daycare all day. We're rushing out in the morning with all of our stuff and all of our bags that we need for the day for everyone. We are rushing home in the evening, tired from a long day of work, cranky, focused on food and dinner and the schedule and keeping everyone relatively happy. So where does taking care of the garden fit in? When do we do the watering that will keep the plants alive? Let alone spending any time out there to really appreciate the effort that we've put in My client shared Just sort of as a passing example as to how busy her weeks are, that she went a whole week without watering anything. And where she is and where I am, it's getting pretty hot. We are definitely feeling like summer. Lots and lots of sun. Our plants need water. And so this passing example that she, she threw out to just illustrate how busy she is was something that I actually wanted to spend some time on. Again, not what she was expecting. We had bigger things to focus on, boundaries at work, delegating, time management. But what I know is that how you do one thing is often how you do other things, at work, at home, it doesn't matter. Because you are the same person with the same habits and skills. And if we can learn a skill in what feels like a low stakes situation like gardening, yes, we don't want our garden to die, but it's not like learning a skill while also managing a team or up against, work deadlines that have real consequences. And so I chose this area to focus on because one, it could help with skill building, but also because it was creating frustration. She had spent time and money on this garden that was not doing so well because it was thirsty, and she had this vision of what it would be like to take care of this garden with her kids, and that was not happening. And that's disappointing So whenever we come in to make a change, to do something that we're not currently doing first we need to consider the options When you have something that you want to do or that you want to make into your routine and it's not happening, it's important to reassess if this is truly something you want or need to do. So in this particular scenario, I gave her four options, right? One option is to let the garden burn to a crisp and accept those sunk costs and accept that this is just not the season of life to care for a garden. The second option is to outsource it, to hire someone to take care of it and water it for you on your behalf. The third option was to put in some sort of irrigation system. You can find those at most home improvement stores, like a little drip hose that would automate the process so she didn't have to take time or remember to do it. Or the last one was to make the time to fit it in to the schedule to water it themselves with the kids. Well, she did choose the last option, so we recommitted to this being a really important change for her to make. And so next then we did all of the normal new habit and routine steps that I'm sure you're probably familiar with, right? First, we decided how frequently do you need to water? What are your expectations? Is this every day? Is this twice a day? Is this a few times a week? Then we considered options about, what day, what time of day does this fit given your schedule? If we were to add this in, where could it potentially go? And also, how do we remember to do it at that time, and is there an option to habit stack it with another habit that you're already following through on So just for the sake of the story, she decided on, you know, watering three times a week is better than not watering at all, and that looks like Monday, Wednesday, Friday, given her schedule, and that she wanted to test it out watering right after she gets home from daycare pickup on those days. Now, most people would go through those steps, decide what that's gonna look like, and be done. But that doesn't get you all the way there, because here's that missing step, and I wanna show you how important it is, 'cause that new change won't just magically happen, or it will, but it'll be clunky because what you haven't done is walked through it step by step to figure out where the barriers might be That is what I mean by visualization. Not just visualizing success. When we think of athletes or performers doing visualization work, maybe we think of them picturing their performance and seeing a cheering crowd at the end, or looking up at the scoreboard and seeing a winning score displayed up there. No, visualization is picturing all of the steps that lead to that So we walked through the decisions that she'd made, the plan that she wanted to test out, and we walked through it step by step. Okay, when you get home and you pull into the garage, are you gonna get out of the car with the kids and go right out to the garden and get your bags, you know, the diaper bag, the work bag, the coffee mug? And are you gonna get that after? Or are you gonna take all of your stuff inside first and then go outside? Well, she decided on the latter. She wanted to get everything out of the car and go inside and drop the bags, but that requires a reminder to the kids, like, "Don't take off your shoes. We're going right back outside." Then we talked about what else would be different from the normal routine of just going inside and starting on, dinner or whatever else they do when they come home. Well, also she wanted to bring the dog out. That actually helps because the dog needs to go out anyway, so why not bring the dog out with us when we go to water the garden? And then we talk through how will you remember? What does that look like? It looks like leaving the watering can out and visible. So they walk in, they drop their bags, leave their shoes on, grab the dog, and grab the watering can, which is right there in the same area where they're dropping all of their stuff. It also looks like verbally reminding the kids or talking about how we're gonna water when we get home as you're driving home. Then we also visualize what it looks like to go out and actually water. What if the kids wanna stay outside to play? What will be the impact to dinner? How will you transition then from the garden into dinner? Will there be residual or downstream impacts to bedtime? Start to picture all of those steps so that you're not surprised. What this does is not just remove barriers or help you recognize where things might fall apart so you can have a potential solution to that, it removes any decision-making that you might need to do in the moment, because that right there is why we don't end up following through or why we give up before we've actually done the thing or gained any momentum. It's hard enough to make a change, and then to have to make a change and make all of these decisions in the moment, it's just too much We get into this new habit or routine, and because we didn't think about this thing and now we have to decide, do I drop the bags in the house first or do we get them from the car afterward? We're tired. We are mentally exhausted, and we're unsure because it's new. And so we tell ourselves, "Ugh, I don't know. It's just too much. I'll start again tomorrow." And so we just do the thing we've always done, which in this example is to go inside and skip watering because it feels too hard and we don't do the new thing that we actually do want to do Picture yourself doing each step. Putting on your shoes and socks for that after-dinner walk. Picture leaving the dishes soaking in the sink, and then picture yourself washing them after you get home from your walk or vice versa. Whatever you decided, picture the flow Visualizing is easy. It really is. It doesn't take long But it's what most of us skip when we are making changes And when you don't have a clear picture of how it's going to go, you give up. You don't do it. You tell yourself you'll start tomorrow and on and on and on. Making changes when your life has as many variables as it does for working parents between work and kids and house and relationships, it's not easy. Sometimes it feels like we have this house of cards that can't take the impact of change, especially not change that we are going to impose on ourselves But if you wanna create better routines, if you want your family to learn to be helpful and to take responsibility, if you want time for yourself or for your health, those things require you to make changes. So use the knowledge that I'm sure you have about changing habits , and changing routines, but don't forget to take the plan and walk it through in your mind Visualize the steps, not just the high level, not just the broad strokes, but the details. See yourself doing the thing. See yourself standing at the kitchen counter or sitting at your desk taking the supplement. Picture yourself climbing into bed at 10:00 PM and see that your phone is plugged in across the room. Actually, in the previous step, you should visualize actually plugging in your phone across the room and then see yourself picking up the book that you're going to read before you turn out the lights. See every step that came before that so nothing is a surprise when you go to actually do it. You'll have already been here before. You know what to expect, and you've already made all of the decisions Visualizing is a powerful tool, and I encourage you to implement it right away. But if you also need help thinking through and deciding what the most impactful changes in your life would be, how to fit those in, what the steps are to help you follow through and become the person who works out, who eats well, who has time for herself, who gets projects done on time, or who holds her boundaries at work, that's exactly what I help my clients with in coaching. There's something powerful about saying out loud what it is that you want in your life and for your life, and then having that outside perspective and partner to help you create a doable plan with the accountability to make it happen. I have two open coaching spots for this summer. Let's make those changes together so that by the end of the year, your life looks and feels so much better. Submit your application today to learn more at themothernurture.com/application. All right. I had so much fun recording this episode. I hope that you take something from it that you can put into practice right away, and I look forward to receiving your coaching application if that sounds like your next step. And until the next episode, I hope you take care. I'll talk to you soon. Bye. Thank you for listening and as always, for being a part of this working mom community. You can find everything related to this episode in the show notes at themothernurture.com/podcast, you can also find information about how I support working moms just like you through one-on-one, and group coaching, as well as access a number of resources and articles all on my website at themothernurture.com. I will see you again next week for another episode of the podcast.
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