Episode 44: Choice, Not Chance: How Changing Her Mindset Transformed This Working Mom's Reality
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Feeling like you're drowning in responsibilities while doing the bare minimum everywhere? So did my client Allison. In this episode, she reveals the game-changing mindset shift that helped her stop feeling like a victim of her busy schedule and the practical planning techniques that now allow her to accomplish more in the time that she has.
Allison had had success with therapy, but knew she needed action-oriented guidance and strategies to create real change. Discover how Allison has reclaimed her weekends, how she learned to make progress on important tasks in just 30-minute blocks of time, and why she's finally getting a little more sleep. If you've ever felt like there's never enough time in the day for everything on your plate, this conversation offers practical hope from someone who's been exactly where you are.
Want to learn how to manage your time and get things done like Allison?
Join Beyond Balance → https://themothernurture.com/beyond-balance
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
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Hey there. I've got a quick question for you. What if there was an instruction manual that could walk you through exactly what you need to do to get things done with plenty of time? No more feeling behind on your to-do list or working extra to get caught up.
Just a simple process that you can do no matter how busy you are or what season of working mom life you are in. Well, there's a program for that and it's called Beyond Balance. This is my 12 week long training and coaching program where I teach you the skill of prioritizing and planning so you can create more space in your working mom schedule.
No complicated multi-step processes and no drastic changes to your life like quitting your job or outsourcing everything, just realistic strategies that really work. If you're ready to get things done while feeling more relaxed about time, you can go to themothernurture.com/beyond-balance today.
That's themothernurture.com/beyond-balance. Alright, let's get to the show.
You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Welcome to episode 44 of the podcast. Today I am talking with my client, Allison, who is a current member of my time training and coaching program Beyond Balance. Allison is so great at sharing those small, relatable moments, examples, experiences that we can all see ourselves in.
So if you are someone who perhaps finds yourself needing or having to work late at night after the kids go to bed, someone who procrastinates on those bigger projects at work, or who resists planning your weekends. Only to find that they slip away and you didn't do any of the things that you actually wanted to do.
Or maybe you're someone who has been waiting for the kids to get older before finding time for yourself. Allison shares her experience with all of this and so much more. And I know you're going to walk away feeling one, like you're not alone. And two, like you have an idea of what you can do to make some changes.
So let's get into the episode. I hope you enjoy this conversation with my client, Alison.
Allison, welcome to the podcast. I'm so excited that you agreed to join me and have, a conversation about what your experience has been like in beyond balance. I. Yeah, me too. Hello. Hi. So, why don't you start by introducing yourself. Tell us, who you are, what you do, kids, all of that sort of stuff, so we understand what life looks like for you.
Yeah. Great. so I work for a remote marketing agency called UFO. And that was a decision that I made. About a year ago that I just needed to be remote. I needed to have that flexibility in my life. and so that's been really nice, but also, I'm sure we'll get into it. A few challenges go with that.
, I am married, I have two kids, , who are six and two, and I also have a dog and an elderly cat, which I feel like both of those things are lovely, but also bring challenges at home as well. , so it's a full house over here.
Whole house. A dog and an elderly cat, which is not to be confused with a kitten.
Yeah. A cat that yes. He just has his mind of his own. He does whatever he wants at this point, which is fair, but I love that.
but that, you know, is something else that is on your plate.
Yeah. And specifically he has, he's not using the litter box.
And so that just creates lots of cleanup and problems that we're trying to solve that we wouldn't be solving for otherwise. So
yes, I know that I used to have cats. I do not anymore. Because I think at the end of their life I thought enough, I can't do this anymore. Yep. Yeah. Yeah. So I would love to hear.
We have been working together now for what, eight, nine weeks in the program so far. And if you can remember, it feels like a lifetime ago, but really just a couple of months ago, what did life look like? What was going on for you at the time that had you thinking, I could use some support, or, I need some help with this.
I, I wanna change.
Yeah, I was feeling like from a work perspective that I was kind of doing the bare minimum there and that wasn't, I was in sort of a new job and I was learning some new skills and so that felt stressful but I just felt like I was falling behind. , and then at home, just. I wasn't spending enough time on myself. I was trying to fit in workouts and I kept saying, oh, that's gonna get easier as the kids get older. And it just wasn't getting easier to fit in. , so trying to find time for myself, I need that to
feel happy and good about, my body. And, , I think too, I was going to bed too late so I would stay up working and, , I was just tired on top of already having a 2-year-old who was breastfeeding. So I was feeling like I wasn't getting enough sleep already. , so I was just all of, I just felt like I don't have enough time in the day.
I'm not getting all the things done. The list isn't getting any shorter. . I just was like, I have to make a change. I have to figure out how to fit this stuff in and how to not feel stressed about it all the time.
Yeah. I remember that conversation and talking about. Working out. And where does that go? I also remember, I don't know if you remember this, you shared a lot about just different sort of projects around the house and organization and what do I do with things?
So it's the big things like work. How do I show up in a way that I feel good about? How do I take care of myself? How do I get enough sleep? And also. For anybody listening. We all have those areas of our homes too. We're like, when am I gonna have the time to go through these papers or organize that cupboard so I'm not digging every morning for the water bottles or whatever it is.
Mm-hmm. And yeah, just also, how do you fit that in? Where, when do you do that?
Yeah, and I had accepted that, you know, when my daughter was born, that it was just gonna be hectic for a while. She's a baby. I didn't have a lot of extra time, and I just feel like two years later I was still waiting for that time to be available, and I decided that maybe that wasn't the best.
route. Right. Just to wait. So you gotta do something about it.
Yeah. Isn't it amazing how I mean, everybody says, oh, the time flies, right? But to your point, we do give ourselves, permission in certain seasons to just, this is what it is, it's gonna be challenging. I'm not gonna sleep well. But then you blink and two years have passed.
You are like, wow, nothing has really changed here. And I thought maybe it would by now. Right. Maybe I need to do or want to do something about it.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah. What has been, something that has been maybe like an aha moment or something that has changed the way you do things or the way you think about things.
What have you been learning that has really helped you so far in the program?
I think I was feeling a little bit like a victim, like. I don't get any time for me and I spend all of my time on other people. And at the end of the day, just feeling maybe like sad that I didn't get my workout that day.
And I think through the program I'm learning that I have to make a choice. And sometimes I'm choosing to work. If I'm working at night and I'm mad about it, it's because I made the choice to. Not have my kid in aftercare program. And to be able to pick him up from school and take an hour off of work to like, get him home, get him settled.
And so I think that for some reason I was just thinking like, oh, poor me. Why don't I have aftercare? But then I realized like, I wanted that, like I wanted to work from remotely and to be able to pick him up and get him. Be with him and hang out with him. He also sort of struggles with that kind of thing, like he likes to be home and so we just decided that.
But I think being able to say like, I chose that and now I might have to do some work after he goes to bed, but that's, that's okay with me. It's now. Okay. I feel like before I just felt like I was. On the hamster wheel and never gonna catch up. But now I'm deciding that that's okay to do that and I can decide how much time I need to put into it.
So it's been a game changer for sure, just to have a totally different mindset about those choices.
Yeah, we make choices. I'm sure you made that choice very intentionally. It would just be easier to have him home as opposed to dealing with whatever comes up for him. If we were to put him in aftercare or the cost or all of these implications.
We make the decision intentionally we also forget. Oh, I made that. I made that choice for a reason.
Right.
But when you feel like you don't have the time to do some of these other things, if you're working late at night, that means you're not sleeping or you're not relaxing, or you're not doing something for yourself.
We get angry about our circumstances when really the reality is you could change it if you wanted to, but it's what you want to be doing. And so there is always a trade off.
Yeah. I think too, it, it puts me in a different mindset about that. So if I'm picking him up from school and I do have something for work I need to do, I don't get as frustrated about having , to pick him up because I remember that I made this choice and that to sort of enjoy that moment, even if I'm feeling behind .
Just being able to, and not every situation after school is gonna be, you know, the best day ever. Right. I know that. But just knowing that I don't have to be frustrated about it. I chose this let's, we have our 30 minutes getting home from school and then I'll get into whatever I need to do next.
And I think alongside of that, . Just the planning that we've done around to-do lists and actually planning for the time that we have. So looking at, for me, I've been more focused, I think, on my workday. So knowing that my,, oldest has a late start for school, so by the time I get home and all of that, it's nine 30 or 10 before I'm really.
Sitting down at my computer, so I know I have like six hours to do work. And so really being intentional about those six hours, what's realistic? What can I get done? And so making that daily list of these are the things I can get done in those six hours has been so much more helpful. At the end of the day, I'm feeling more accomplished because I didn't only cross, three things off of a list of 10.
You know, I crossed all of the things off, or most of them, so that's been a big game changer from a work standpoint, and I'm trying to build that into my personal life. It's taking a little bit more practice because it's a little less structured, but yeah. , so those kind of things together and they really work together, right?
So if I'm, I know I have my six hours at work. I sit down, I do them, and then I can sort of take a breath when I go to school, pick up and yeah, do those things.
Do you feel like, are you getting more done in those six hours than you were before or , is it just that your expectations match reality is a little bit of both.
, I would love to know, how is it impacting the work that you're doing?
I think I am, I think I definitely struggled before feeling overwhelmed with, I have 10 things on this list. I don't know where to start. And I also did a lot of procrastinating around big projects of, I don't know how to get started.
I don't know what to do with the first, I only have 30 minutes, , before this next meeting, and I think that has allowed me to just say, you know what? I planned for 30 minutes. Just do whatever. I can. , just open the book or whatever it is, you know, start planning. So that's helped a lot. So I do think I'm more productive and I do a lot less staring at the calendar and.
Just getting distracted by or overwhelmed by the things that are in front of me.
Yeah, I mean, staring at the calendar feels like the solution will come to you, right? But then you blink and that 30 minutes is over and it's time to get on your next call or your next meeting. Yep. And when you have limited time, as you do during the workday,
that 30 minute block counts. And so going into it, knowing where to start, and I think you've done such a great job of practicing, like sure, it would be great to have large chunks of time to make progress on these bigger projects, but also 30 minutes is 30 minutes.
Yeah. Yeah. You just have to work with what you have.
And I do have days where I have larger chunks, but I think there's something about the smaller pieces of time that force you to just do it. Just get in and get it done.
Yeah. Could you, or would you be willing to share a little bit too? I think of you. When I think about weekend planning as well, which I've talked about before, I think here on the podcast even, and this sort of resistance that we feel to planning out our weekends, which we want to feel a little more flexible and fluid and less structured.
But I remember you sharing. Even if it isn't a very detailed down to the, you know, 30 minute plan for the weekend, but even just going into it with a loose idea or having just asked yourself the question of like, what do we wanna do this weekend has helped. And I don't know if you could share like an example of what that looks like for you now.
Yeah. . I think I was going into the weekend just full steam ahead Friday night and I'd wake up Saturday morning feeling, oh, \ I'm so glad it's Saturday. We're here, we're all just gonna wear our pajamas for a while longer and do whatever. Just be chill around the house and then it would be like 11 o'clock.
We kept saying, oh, we wanna go to this parkour class, but it starts at 10 and we missed it multiple weeks in a row because I just didn't remember that it was at 10 and didn't plan for that. So, I mean, that's just one example. But so I think just thinking about the weekend before Saturday morning was a big deal because I knew that I had an idea of what we were gonna do on that Saturday.
So while it's nice to have that relaxing time. I was then realizing like we just lost half of Saturday by not having a plan for it, and maybe that wasn't lost. So maybe we want to plan, a relaxing morning on Saturday and that's fine, but maybe it's better to do it on Sunday so we can do the parkour class on Saturday, or whatever that is.
, and I think too, my home to-do list is so long that I would just try to do whatever I could, and again, trying to just realistically plan for. We know we have this one thing on Saturday. What else could I fit in within reason? , so I think that's helped a lot too, of just not looking at , the list of hundreds of things.
Just look at the three to five things I might be able to fit in, and then choosing from those. When we go into the weekend, , and then planning for that weekend earlier. So yeah, I've been trying to Wednesday start to think about pulling all the things into a list and then at some point we just circle the things we wanna do and run with it.
But so far that's been helping a lot. It's taking more practice 'cause it is so natural to just be chill. And , not wanna have to plan, but, , it also feels good to plan and it feels more accomplished. I think once the weekend comes to an end, you're not feeling depressed that you didn't clean the window sills or whatever silly spring cleaning thing was on the list.
Right.
Yeah. Well, and what you just said too, I think. Could give anyone permission you've given to yourself. You can also look at the weekend ahead and say, what I want is just a relaxing weekend. I just wanna follow the kids' lead, and if we wanna spontaneously make pancakes or go to the playground or spend time outside or clean something that
I wanna have the flexibility to do that. And that can be your choice, right? As long as you just remember that choice come Sunday night and not be like, Ugh, I didn't get anything done. And it's like, right, because my plan, my decision was to have a really chill, flexible, unplanned weekend.
Mm-hmm.
, I love these examples and there are so many more, that come to mind when I think about the wins that you've had along the way from. The weeks when so many of you in your household went down with various illnesses and you had to navigate that and trading off working and how to reset .
But when you think about moving forward from here, we've still got a few weeks left in beyond balance and then beyond that, what is it that you are gonna continue to focus on, or what will you be working on next?
I think, , part of it is just continuing to practice all of it and it's still, it's starting to feel more natural.
But I, I think that even this week I didn't plan for yesterday partially. 'cause yesterday was just a weird work day for me. But, , just so that I'm naturally, like that's the first thing I'm doing every day or at the beginning of the week .
, And I think too, something else that I'm still working on is waiting for my kids to be asleep before I start to do certain tasks. So something we've been talking about in the classes is things we can do that are interruptible tasks, so things we can do with our kids running around or.
Whatever craziness is happening in the background, but I am totally guilty of being like, now I have to pay bills and I have to do work and I have to clean up the cat pee, or whatever it is. That I just, I don't have to wait till they're done.
But I, it's just easier to just do it when nobody else is around. So I think that's hard for me to figure out, but I'm learning and getting better at it, so I wanna keep working on that.
Yeah, I think that is such an important thing to work on. It's something that I, I. I am very glad in my personal life that I have managed to figure out how to do that and what that looks like, and maybe for anybody listening who also waits until the kids are down for a nap or they're asleep at night to then get into all of the things that you need to do.
I think it also shows our kids along the way of what it takes to manage and run a household. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, I've talked before about Fair Play. I'm , a certified facilitator in that method, and it is making the invisible labor that goes into keeping our households running. It's making it visible.
And, fair play is maybe geared more toward , our partnerships, our roommates, who we live with the other adults in our life. But I think it also is applicable to kids and when they're young. Maybe they're too young or, whatever the situation is, they can't necessarily help, but they can at least see that it doesn't just magically happen after I go to bed.
Yeah. And so there's so much to be said for not just what you gain by doing it and being interrupted as we do for snacks but. It's also that we're modeling for them and showing them what it takes, and someday maybe, hopefully they will step in and be able to contribute in their own way as well.
Yeah, and I think that is something that I notice , my son who's six, he's doing better about it now, like liking to help with things. But a lot of times I think we did that when he was an only child. Right. And he was four when his sister was born. So it was easy with one, easier with one kid to just do it later.
And then once we had two kids, I think we were realizing like, we can't do this. This doesn't work. But I think it's good, like you said, and it's a learning curve for him, but for her, maybe it'll be more natural that just these things have to happen.
Yeah. It's about just seeing things differently.
And again, making those choices, it's your choice to be interrupted while you pay bills or clean up something or, take care of a project. It's not gonna get done probably as quickly or as efficiently if they were both, asleep for the night or taking a nap or whatever out of the house.
But it can still get done, and that can be your choice, so that maybe in the evening. You can actually have some time to focus on work or to do something relaxing and fun for you. Yeah, for sure. Or just go to sleep and get more sleep. Yeah, that's a fair one. Yeah, I love that. Anything else that I haven't asked you that came to mind as you think about your experience or what you're learning or how things are looking and feeling for you now?
I think one of , the questions that you brought up was why I decided to join. . And, the background story there is I was doing a monthly therapy session that was helpful in thinking through the challenges that I was going through.
And I started doing that after I became a mom because I just felt overwhelmed with some of those experiences and it was helpful, but I just felt like I needed action. Like I needed someone to help me actually make change and not just think through how would I solve this one particular thing, but how do I make a bigger change?
And so I think I had beta tested something for you, and then I signed up for the holiday session and after those two things, I was sold that these two things have been really helpful to me. And so I was like, I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do , the beyond balance sessions. So yeah, , and I think I'll plan to go back to those sessions later, but it was great to just say, I'm gonna pause this.
It's been working. I've been doing it for a while. I'm gonna make some changes that hopefully help me solve some of these, problems that I'm having and then. Go back to that later. But yeah, I just wanna share that story.
Yeah. Well, two things came up for me. I'm glad you shared that. I kind of forgot a little bit about that backstory.
One, I think that is a very common thing that I see. I have a number of clients who do both therapy and coaching. Some who, do therapy for a while, and then coaching and therapy and coaching. And it is about looking at the season that you're in and what is it that you really want or need right now.
And I think that's a perfect description. Like coaching is about taking action. There's accountability. It is, I have a goal, there's a change I wanna make, and what are the tools? How am I gonna do that? What does it look like? And you're right, I forgot that you, so Alison Beta tested. a resource that I have available out there on creating a to-do list that really works for you.
And I don't know if you remember, but early on in the program, we do revisit that concept because you need to have , a running list that you can use to then be able to accurately plan for your time and you found your old one. That hadn't been updated in quite a while and pulled it out. Probably updated since, you know, shortly after maybe you beta tested, I don't know.
And pulled it out and realized, oh my gosh, I'd actually done a lot of these things. And yeah, there's a lot on here that's no longer relevant and now I'm gonna add all of the things that are happening in this current season of my life. But that was funny.
Yeah. And so I had already figured out what type of to-do list worked for me.
I'd already been through that. Working session, but. I obviously hadn't updated it, so I did it and I said, oh, this works for me. And then I just never revisited it. And yeah, I had done most of the things, so at least I got a boost on that day thinking, oh, well we got so much done in the past six months, or whatever it was.
Right.
And I think too, right, that's a one off resource and what we're doing here in the program to speak to, your point about continuing to practice until these things feel. Really just normal and natural. This is what I do, this is how I do life. You know, we are together in this group for 12 weeks and I really feel like in 12 weeks you can create new habits and routines and there's accountability here.
So it's not just learn about how to create a to-do list where everything's, at your fingertips. to see and remember, but how do you, what's the process for adding to that and to revisit that and how do you build that into your daily life? And we do that together over, a significant chunk of time, a quarter of the year, so that it is right when you finish that this will just be so ingrained.
That is the hope. That is the goal.
Yeah. Hopefully it feels like it. It feels. Better than it did, I also just wanted to say that doing it in a group was really appealing to me too. Just knowing that. There have been times where somebody was just having a bad day because something happened at home or work and you could just say, Hey, I'm having this one issue with my kid.
And then, everyone else in the room may have had a similar situation. So there's been some, helpful tips and tricks to just whatever type of challenge you might be having in your week, which is nice. And then the Slack channel to be able to just ask a question or try to get a resource or something has been really helpful too.
Yeah. Thank you for mentioning that. It is helpful to see. That other women are going through similar challenges. Maybe you're at a different stage or a different season, but there's so much that we all can relate to. We're all making decisions about what to do when our kid wakes up with a fever or, something else big comes into our life and also just asking those questions and getting some different perspectives is really helpful too.
I love that about it.
Yeah,
me too. Yeah. Allison, thank you so much for just sharing your story, your examples. I think it's so relatable and it's so helpful to just hear what this work actually looks like for you and for others who maybe are in some similar circumstances. So I appreciate you and I'm so excited that.
Our time together in beyond balance is not over. So we still have more time to continue to coach and work on these things, but, it's been so fun to get to chat with you in this way today.
Yeah, of course. And thank you for all of the time and attention that you've given us in the program. Absolutely.
It's been an honor.
Thanks so much for listening to the episode. Just a quick reminder, enrollment for Beyond Balance. My Time Training and coaching program ends tonight, Tuesday, April 22nd. So to get your application in, please head to the mother nurture.com/interest. Again, that's the mother nurture.com/interest. I would love to have you join us in the group.
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