Episode 05: Smooth Transitions: Planning and Adapting to New Routines
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
Whether you're in back-to-school season or navigating another change in your weekly schedule, transitions are a constant in life, especially as a working parent. In this episode, I'm walking you through a few simple steps that will help you plan for and adapt to changes in your routine with confidence and ease. Maybe you're taking on a new project at work, transitioning your kid from a crib to a toddler bed, weaning your baby, or starting a new class or sport, whatever the change, it starts with understanding the dates and data, creating a plan, anticipating obstacles, and making proactive decisions. If you're not in the middle of a transition now, chances are you will be soon. So, tune in and learn how to plan for an adapt your routines for life's transitions.
In this episode, you’ll learn…
00:00 Back to School Season and other examples of life's transitions
01:57 Navigating transitions and changes
04:53 Practical tips for managing change
07:54 Embracing and planning for change
12:57 Supporting yourself through transitions
20:20 Looking ahead and finding perspective
23:06 How coaching supports working moms through big changes
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
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📍 You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.
📍 Hey, welcome back to another episode of the podcast. I'm so happy you're here. It is back to school season, at least here, where I am. I know it's different for everyone. I'm thinking maybe we need to move somewhere where we start after Labor Day, because, gosh, does it feel early this year. By the time you're hearing this, my kids will be back in school, which is crazy.
I feel like I get a little bit better at back to school every year that it happens. I am a big fan of taking notes for my future self and so I certainly do that each year and I learn something new each year. This year we did our back to school supply shopping early, like pretty early. It's been done for weeks now and oh, there's pros and cons to that.
It was so nice. The aisles at the store were fully stocked. There was no one else in that section of Target while we were there, some of the things on the list changed in the last couple of weeks. So I did have to go out and return a couple of things and buy something new for my youngest.
Good and bad with that, and yeah, I have lots of feelings about back to school this year. My youngest is starting kindergarten, so this is the first year that I will have all three kids in school at the same school, and it's going to be an adjustment for sure. Would love to hear how you're feeling about back to school, if that's the season of life that you are in.
And so for today's episode, If you are not in back to school mode, that's not the season of life you are in right now. Don't worry. This is not specific or unique just to those of you that have school aged kids. I want to talk though about transition change, especially in schedules and routines. And for me right now, that's school and getting back to that calendar year for the school year, activities, backpacks that need to be emptied every night, lunches packed in the morning, but maybe for you that's a transition that looks like a new nap schedule. For your kid, or maybe you are changing daycares or childcare arrangements.
I see a lot of that happening around this time of year. It feels natural, right? The older kids have moved up to kindergarten or preschool, and maybe there's openings. So you're taking advantage of that. Maybe at work, it's a new project or role. Or even a new job. I've said this before. I've got a number of clients who are looking for their next role and doing job searching right now.
So maybe for you, that is the change or transition that's on the horizon or here for you already. Maybe if we even back it up a little bit younger in the kids arena, it's like moving from bottles to solid food or from a crib to a toddler or big bed, or maybe you are tackling potty training. Or I think to fall, we think of kids extracurricular activities, but there are lots of activities that kick off in the fall as well for adults.
So maybe it's a new class. Maybe it's a new rec league or exercise class or routine that you're getting into or that your partner is getting into, right? Something is changing from the way that you are used to doing daily and weekly life to now something new. And how do you feel about it?
What are you going to do about it? That's what I want to walk through today. And , we all go through so much transition and change in life. I was coaching a client earlier this week who I thought summed up our feelings. So many of us are feeling so well when she said, Gosh, I didn't expect the changes to come so frequently.
There's no space to get settled or accustomed to one thing when something new is changing and. I feel that, maybe you feel that too. We can have seasons in life where it just feels like wave after wave of change is coming. And so how can we think about change and transition in a way that feels better than allowing it to be this constant stressful or anxious event?
Because it is going to keep coming. So if you were hoping for a back to school checklist of things you need to remember to do before school, if that is your season, I'm going to put it in the show notes, but highly recommend the lazy genius podcast. I just listened to it last week myself, and there were tons of great reminders in there.
She outlined all of the logistical things that you need to do, right? School forms, lunch boxes, checking that shoes fit, all of those things. So if that is where you are and you want that really practical checklist, highly recommend that episode. I used it myself. But if you want to think and have a little bit of a perspective shift and feel better going into the transition, this is the episode for you, whatever that transition is for you.
So I was chatting with my sister the other week and, I will say usually I'm pretty ready for school to start. I'm ready for that routine and that structure. My kids are usually going a little bit, feral by the end of summer, but this year our school district has moved up the start of school to accommodate other breaks that we are now getting that are new later in the year.
So all of that to say, the summer felt really short and she and I were saying, gosh, I'm not ready for back to school. I'm enjoying this. Late nights and later dinners and lots of time outside and the freedom that comes with summer in a lot of ways and Yeah, just that feeling of resisting what's coming whether we like it or not it's coming and so I think the thing that I don't know sort of got to by the end of my chat with her was acceptance Of what is coming school is started or you've committed to potty training or transitioning beds or this new weekly commitment or this new job is coming.
I'm thinking back to when I signed up at the end of 2023 for the executive coaching certification that I just completed. And that new weekly commitment of class every Tuesday night for hours. I felt like, oh, I wanted it, but I was resisting that and the logistical hurdles I would have to overcome to make it a reality.
And so it's reminding yourself that it's not an if. It's a when, and resisting what is coming is actually just making the experience, the anticipation of it, a much less enjoyable experience. If you get on board with this is coming, then you can plan for it. You can prepare. You can support yourself. You can make it an experience that isn't so stressful.
But it starts with accepting that this is coming. School is starting for me. I am on board now. Whether I like it or not, it's here. Next, I really like to go through and outline for myself in black and white, what are the facts? What do you know about this change, this transition that is coming? I think anxiety often creeps in when we don't have a clear picture of what's coming.
There's so much unknown and we start to freak out a little bit about that because we like control. And we want to have a plan. I'm smiling, thinking, or picturing Inside Out 2. Have you seen it yet? Highly recommend. It's definitely felt more like a movie for adults than for kids. I think most of it went over at least my youngest kid's heads when we were in the theater seeing it, but anxiety is the key character in the second movie.
And I'm picturing her swirling and feeling panicked until she had a plan. Anticipating the options or what might be coming and creating some options, some plans for yourself. So school starting is a great example. It's starting on August 14th. Okay, great. Know what the date is. When does the new activity kick off or the class?
When are you starting the new job or the new role? When are you going to start the nap transition or move from the crib to the big bed. What's the date? Give yourself something concrete.
And if you don't have a date that someone else sets for you, like class starts on this date or school starts on the 14th, set one for yourself. Give yourself that marker that you're moving towards so that you can prepare with something concrete in front of you. And then start to create the scaffolding around it, start to understand or create the parameters around that date.
What is actually changing? Is it going to impact this area of our life or right for us. It's the morning is going to change in terms of what time we have to get out the door. Bedtimes are going to need to change my work calendar and my husband's on certain days when we are trading off with.
Between the two of us or with our neighbors to get the kids to school and from school. Those are the things that are changing and knowing that stating that out loud for myself or on the calendar Has this calming effect So instead of it being abstract and unknown, give yourself something concrete. What is actually going to change?
And maybe you don't know everything that's going to change. That's okay. Every transition is different. There are a lot of unknowns with transition. That's why they can feel the way that they do. But for the areas or the things that you do know, present those to yourself. Remind yourself of those things that you do know.
Here's what I know. And then where are the gaps? What are the questions that you have? What are the decisions that you need to make about the schedule or what things will look like potentially when this transition takes place? What are you worried or concerned about when you think about potential challenges or hurdles or roadblocks?
What are those? Get them out into the open, start to problem solve. I find this happens so much, and I could give you so many examples. To do lists are like an easy one. And if you didn't listen to the first episode, please go back and do that, because to do lists always feel huge and overwhelming when they live up here.
I'm pointing to my head, my temple. When they live in your mind, they feel much bigger. And I would say nine times out of 10, when you put it onto paper, there's an exhale. There's a relief that comes with that. And it's often not as huge or overwhelming as we were spinning it up to be in our mind. So the same thing with transitions, those questions, those decisions, the things that you're worried about, get them out of your head.
If you want to Jot them down on a piece of paper, or just open up a quick, Word doc or notepad on your computer, on your phone, or send a text to your partner, an email, hey, I'm feeling a little stressed about this thing that's coming up, and there are a lot of unknowns. These are the unknowns that I can think of
What else is on the list? What am I forgetting? Or do you have the answers to any of these? Confront it. Let's take a look, shine a light on it so that we can create a plan. You can create a plan and start to support yourself. All right. You accept that this is coming. The transition is coming done, right?
It's here. You're facing it head on. You have the facts for what you know. This is what you know, this is what it's going to entail. And you've even looked at the questions, the concerns, the worries that you have. Now we can make a plan and put it into perspective. So when I think about change. Some of you love it.
Some of you are always ready for the next thing, and I love that for you. Me, on the other hand, my husband will often describe me as a cat. I'm not a cat lady. We don't have cats anymore. We used to. I can be resistant to change, and I will own that. That is my work. That is my work on myself.
And so whichever camp you fall into, Even if you love it, it's still valuable to have an outline or a plan of what's coming. And if change is a challenge for you like it can be for me, you get to give yourself a little bit more time to ease in and make that transition. So whether you love it or not, or you're somewhere neutral in the middle, it's just like this thing that happens to you, I like to think of transitions as an umbrella.
The transition itself is this umbrella that we live under for a period of time. Often transitions last longer than we think they should. I should get this by now, this should not be a big deal, right? We should be back from vacation on Saturday and back to work on Monday. Maybe the transition is smooth and quick.
Maybe transitioning to OneNap is no big deal and your kid, like, takes to it so quickly and easily. But maybe it takes weeks to level out and you live your daily life under this umbrella of this larger change that is happening in your life. Maybe the new job is Great, and it feels really seamless and easy.
Maybe it's a challenge. And again, that umbrella that you're living under extends for a season of life,
adding some buffer to the transition timeline. is never a bad thing. It helps you not only manage your expectations, but also helps you support yourself throughout the entire time. Of course I'm tired right now. Our family is going through this transition. Or of course I'm a little more agitated or frustrated or quick to anger.
This transition is taking a lot out of me. Or for me, of course I'm not having my best, most brilliant creative ideas right now. My brain is overloaded with change.
It just relieves some of that pressure to be back to quote unquote normal, or living life the way that you were before, if you plan for and remember that transitions are a process. And that's not right or wrong. I'm not passing any judgment on that. I'm just reminding you to plan accordingly and to treat yourself with that understanding of what else is happening.
If you look back at the questions, the worries, the maybe a little bit of anxious thoughts that you have about what's coming, Then we can be proactive, and I want you to be proactive in thinking about how to make this season easier. One of the ways I love to do that is asking myself, can I make some decisions in advance?
What meals do you want to have that first week of school? Who is walking the kids on that first day? Are we both doing it? Is it just me? Who's getting them on the bus or into the car line? What will dinner look like on Tuesdays now that your class is starting up in the evenings or your partner's soccer league starts at six o'clock right in the middle of dinnertime?
What boundaries can we put in place? Maybe decide in advance how you'll handle your toddler getting out of bed at night now that they can, they're not in a crib anymore, or who will handle bedtime if you're weaning, for example, or what time will bedtime be as we transition down to one nap?
Think about those things that you can decide for yourself in advance so you're not deciding in the moment. When you already have, the newness and the stress of this change going on around you, knowing in advance what you'll do, how you'll handle it, is so reassuring. Maybe as you go through this list, there are some decisions that you want to make in advance but you don't feel like you can make them yourself just yet.
Add them to what I like to call a to decide list. It's a to do list but with exclusively the decisions that you need to make. Maybe you need to talk with your partner or your child care provider or a grandparent or you need to do some research.
Put those things on a to decide list so that you can sit down and knock them all out at once. Then once you've made some of those decisions in advance, then think about what you can do to make this whole transition easier. Maybe deciding in advance is the ticket and there's just peace of mind knowing what the plan is and that's enough.
Maybe it's. Deciding and then executing on super simple dinners that first week of school, knowing that the kids will be tired or maybe extra clingy. Maybe it's declining some invitations or clearing your schedule a little bit more than normal because this is a big new thing that is in your life and you might be a little bit more tired than you normally are.
Prioritize going to bed early. Maybe that's something you can do to make this whole experience easier. Maybe you hire a sitter because you know that you'll need to connect with your partner during this time. Or you book a coffee date with a friend or a walk or a massage if that's your thing. Like something to support yourself while you're expending all this energy on acclimating to what is new.
For me, I stocked the freezer. I went earlier this week to Trader Joe's and bought some of our favorite freezer meals knowing that With back to school and extracurricular starting up again, I will use those. There will be nights where that is the easiest and fastest thing that I can do to get dinner on the table.
And then I'm also adding in some buffer time. I know that transitions take a good bit out of me, and so those first couple of weeks of school where I can, I'm declining things or creating a little bit extra space in my calendar so I can support myself and better support my kids.
The last thing, once you've thought about and shined a light on all of the tactical decisions and execution of how this is going to work, I want you to zoom out. What will you remember about this time? What are you maybe actually excited about? Once you set aside and solve for the things that, you're unsure about or that you're worried about, where is the excitement?
Are you excited to have mornings once you drop that second nap? Maybe the new friends that you're gonna meet or your kids will meet at daycare or school. The responsibilities and opportunities that come with the new role or job at work. I'm excited about fall soccer. I love sitting on the sidelines on a crisp, cool fall morning, and yes, I have a lot of hurdles to jump over between now and then, but I am excited about that, and that helps me power through the early stages of this transition.
And then remember that transitions always feel long when we're in the thick of it. It feels like you'll be potty training or changing up nap schedules or figuring out new school routines or work responsibilities for forever. But if you look back at any other transition that you've lived through, you probably barely remember much about it, if anything, at least not in detail.
And In hindsight, it's not that long. We are adaptable. We get used to things really quickly. It just doesn't always feel like it in the moment. But if you go into the transition with a little bit of a plan, with an understanding that this is something worth acknowledging that is happening in your life, this transition, and you expect for that umbrella to be over you for a little while as you figure it out, But you trust that you're going to come out the other side.
And one of the things that I love to remind myself of whenever I am in the thick of making a change and adjusting to something new for myself or for my family is You are doing it. It may not always feel easy or seamless. It might not always look pretty, but every day that you get up and you do this new thing and you figure out whatever problem is in front of you, you are doing it.
It's another day toward adjusting to and settling into this new season, whatever that looks like for you.
I want to say that even though this time of year does come with, for a lot of us, a lot of transition, it is actually perfect time of year to start coaching. It feels like one more thing, but I promise it's not. I have started with three new private clients in the last couple of weeks and as we head into the fall, the change of seasons, it's the perfect time to take stock of your life and your priorities and your time and clean things up.
It will not feel like an extra thing that you have to do. We will be removing things from your plate so that by the end of the year. You're enjoying whatever holidays you celebrate and feeling so pumped for the new year. A new year that will be your best one yet because you didn't wait, you started, you planted the seeds now.
So I'll just remind you that I am accepting new clients and encourage you To fill out a quick application so that I can get to know you and make sure that coaching is a good fit. And you can do that over on my website at the mother nurture. com forward slash application. All right, you're doing it.
We're going to make it through all of these transitions and I will see you on the other side and in the next podcast episode, take care.
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