When You Feel Like You're Not Doing Enough as a Working Mom
If I'm honest with you, my head is swirling with questions lately.
Questions like...
Are we doing too many activities?
Am I making the right choice to change that after-school program?
Are we at the right school?
Am I spending enough 1:1 time with each of my kids?
Am I doing enough to foster my own friendships?
Are we getting enough rest and sleep?
Do my kids know how proud I am of them, or should I not tell them because then they'll do things just for my praise?
Am I too strict?
Am I not strict enough?
Am I doing enough to take care of myself?
And on and on and on...
I'm exhausted. Maybe you are too just from reading that!!
But here's the thing - questions aren't bad.
In fact, an articulate, well-timed question can be just the catalyst you need to make a big change. Just ask my clients! I'm the queen of questions.
But unanswered questions like these just swirl and grow and create an environment ripe for anxiety.
Unanswered questions sow seeds of doubt that you're doing something wrong. That you're not good enough. That you could be doing more.
And in this community, there's no place for that. We are putting doubt, aka mom guilt, behind us.
So what do you do with a cyclone of questions like the ones above?
You list them out, like I did for you.
You confront them.
And you answer them.
Let me show you how. Because this is something you can easily do on your own to get out of the doubt and guilt storm.
The Q&A below is how I have a conversation with myself.
Yes, I am both asking the questions and providing the answers. Sounds crazy, but it's really effective.
You can do this with pen and paper, typing on your computer, or just by talking to yourself. Your choice!
Start with the main question at the top:
Q: Am I spending enough 1:1 time with each of my kids?
A: I'm not sure. I think I could spend more.
Q: How much time are you spending right now?
A: I don't know - maybe 10 minutes a week with each of my 3 kids? I haven't tracked it to be sure.
Q: Is that enough?
A: I don't think so. I'd like to spend more.
Q: How much more? What would be enough?
A: Maybe 5 minutes a day or 30 minutes across the span of a week? A weekly goal feels more doable.
Q: How would you do that? What are some examples of 1:1 time?
A: Reading 1:1 with my older two. Going on an errand. Taking a walk. Building a Lego set. Playing cards. Baking or cooking. Talking.
Q: How hard would it be to add a few of those activities in each week?
A: Not hard at all. Actually, I'm probably already doing a lot of those. Maybe I'm doing more than I realized.
Q: What if you're already doing enough?
A: I guess that's possible. Maybe I am. And maybe I still want to do more.
Q: Ok - if you do more, how will you know you're successful?
A: I think I'll just feel more connected to each of my kids. And I'll be able to point to specific times when we did something 1:1.
Phew - I feel so much better having spent maybe 60 seconds actually answering the question that previously had me feeling like a "bad mom". You should try it too.
Questions are just your brain being curious. And that's a good thing!
It's when you let those questions fester and sit unanswered, that's when you start to question yourself.
So if you're feeling doubtful or guilty about anything in your life right now, find the question that needs to be answered and answer it.
I promise you'll feel so much better.
Want to spend more time being present with your kids?
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