Episode 94: “Is This Just How It Is?” Rebecca’s Shift from Overwhelm to Ownership
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In this episode, I’m joined by a Beyond Balance client who’s a toddler mom and co-owns an architecture firm with her husband. She shares what it’s really like to juggle parenting, partnership, and running a business—and the moment she realized that constant stress and exhaustion didn’t have to be her default.
We talk about the myth of “being organized” and how her endless to-do lists were actually fueling her overwhelm. She shares how she learned to prioritize with intention, navigate sick days without spiraling, and reframe her work hours as a choice, not a burden.
She also opens up about her hesitation to join a group program and how, instead of getting lost in the crowd, she found herself getting double the coaching—learning from others’ questions and applying those insights to her own life.
If you’ve ever wondered, “Is this just how it is?” this conversation will show you that it doesn’t have to be.
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
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What if in just 12 weeks you could feel more relaxed about time and your to-do list? If you're a working mom who's constantly behind stretched thin and wondering how you're supposed to get it all done without losing your mind. I want to invite you into Beyond balance. This is my 12 week group coaching program for working moms who want to stop being behind and start feeling on top of their time.
You'll learn how to plan, prioritize, and actually follow through without needing to quit your job. Outsource everything or overhaul your life. We use my signature time framework to help you get clarity around where your time is going, implement routines and systems to make the most of your time practice prioritizing what really matters.
And get things done. Even when your days don't go according to plan, you'll start seeing changes in the first 30 days. No more racing the clock or squeezing more into your day. Just more time for what matters most. Your work, your family, and you. Applications are open now, but only until February 10th. Go to themothernurture.com/beyond-balance to apply.
That's themothernurture.com/beyond-balance. Now, let's get into the episode.
You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Hello. Hello. Welcome back to another episode of the podcast and to another interview this week.
I am joined by Rebecca, a mom of a toddler. She co-owns with her husband an architecture firm, and she's also a recent graduate of Beyond Balance and.
I am smiling to myself because I just finished editing this conversation and it is full of so many unassuming. Truth bombs. You know those quiet nudges, those phrases, those quotes that you hear or that you see that in the moment aren't flashy
or in your face, but they stick with you. You find yourself returning to them and pondering how would that apply to me? That is what Rebecca shares in this conversation.
We talk about so many things, but she starts right out of the gate with a goosebump inducing question, is this really how it's meant to be? And by this, she means working motherhood and her quest to figure out. If there is a different answer to that question than the one that she had been told or heard about or read about or seen on social media, maybe you have a similar question yourself.
Is this really how it's meant to be?
Beyond that question, we talk about so many of the things that are relevant to working moms endless to-do lists, prioritizing time, choosing when, where, and what. We work on navigating sick days.
All of the things.
Plus, for any of you who have maybe been thinking about beyond balance, but one of your hesitations has been the group setting. Will I get enough attention, enough coaching? Will I be lost in the crowd? What is it like to actually get on Zoom with a bunch of strangers and talk about my life? Rebecca had all of those hesitations and concerns, and she shares on the other side what she learned and what it is actually like.
So. You're in for some really unassuming, really quiet truth bombs in this episode. I can't wait for you to listen and let me know what you think. All right, let's get to it.
Hi, Rebecca. Welcome to the podcast.
Thanks for having me, Katelyn.
I am so excited to talk with you. I know you were a little hesitant to come on, , to the show, but I love your story and your energy so much, and I just can't wait for everyone to get a little bit of a glimpse of what your.
Working mom life looks like and what your experience has been like in beyond Balance. So before we get into that, do you wanna just do a quick intro to tell us who you are, what you do for work, what family life looks like?
Yeah, sure. , my name is Rebecca. I have a 20 month old daughter named Jolene.
I am in architects and have my own company. Been working on my own for about five years now. My husband just joined me, so, , he is on our side now also. Yeah, that's,
that's perfect. Yes. I love the name Jolene, and I think we'll get into some of this. In our conversation today, but it is definitely an added dynamic.
Not only do you own your own company, so you are. The only person really responsible for clients and work and delivery and your schedule and getting things done. But you also have this added layer of working alongside your spouse. So you're doing all of the things work and life together, which can be great and also has its challenges.
Yes.
Yeah,
it does. Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's it's definitely trying to find a balance which I think is how I came to find you and, , trying to figure out what that was. I went from working full-time, maybe more than full-time, , down to having kind of a zero hour schedule for a bit when my daughter was born.
, and then trying to kind of bring it back into I, I'm now part-time. So, trying to figure out that balance of how to own your own company but not work as many hours. , but again, having my husband on full time has helped a lot, given a crutch to our company that , was not sustainable, I'd say having just a 20 hour, 24 hour week.
So I feel like having him on has allowed me to pull back a little bit, , have time with Jolene more and try to figure out a good balance of work and life. All in our home all the time. Right now,
everybody's in the home all the time because you also have a nanny who comes in to do childcare.
So your daughter is also in the home.
Yes. That's something that when we first started looking at, , having our own company and looking into having our family kind of. What we were looking to do. And that was a priority of mine to keep a job, to keep a, to keep my career, but also to still be here and be there and kind of hear milestones if we don't see them ourselves.
And, , still hearing the laughing and the, everything that's going on. Trying not to have her come in the office too much. Shutting the door sometimes, but just being able to have that with me, , has been really important to have. So yes, we're all here in my small house. But it, it's been really good.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I am smiling, thinking back to the number of. Calls that you would join for beyond balance from what looked like your unfinished basement. And I just imagined you camped out down there, maybe surrounded by boxes. I'm picturing my basement. I don't know what yours looks like, but right.
And I remember that I've done all different, scenarios when it comes to working from home, working out of the home, and when my kids were young. And I was working in our home office remotely for a company. I felt like a prisoner a lot of days and I understand what you're saying and you're right, it was fun and enjoyable at times to hear the laughter.
It was also stressful to hear the tears or the tantrums mm-hmm. Outside my door, but also having to trust, . That my childcare provider, our nanny, was. Doing what needed to be done and I remember having to wait until nap time to sneak out and get a snack or lunch because if I did that while they were awake, it was game over.
I would never be able to peel them off of me to get back to my desk. I don't know. Does any of that. Feel like that for you as well? .
Yes. Yes. , our current nanny loves to talk, so she doesn't mind when I step out, but also I've told her that I will just keep talking to her, , sometimes to, you know, , because I'm home all the time.
The interactions are. Less with people. Yeah. On a daily basis. And so I don't mind getting coffee and going out, but, she has over, over the years, kind of let me know, like, okay, mama, back to work. Like, give a hug and let's go. So it's helpful that, , I do get kind of pushed or, you know, lately my daughter will say, okay, bye mama.
Like, they're in the middle of something. I sometimes I feel as if I'm interrupting, , the fun, she's like, all right I'll see ya. Like, go ahead. And she kind of pushes me back. So, yes, I, I. I try to do it strategically where, I'm out of the office too long, but the breaks are nice.
But yes, I have someone who pushes me back
Yeah.
Into my corner.
Yeah I mean, I get that so much when you are, . When you run your own business and you are working from home, you don't get a lot of those adult interactions. So that is nice. , now that my kids are school aged and they're gone and out of the house every day, I actually just recently.
Did a little decluttering and I got rid of, I had gotten myself, , an electric kettle and a little pour over coffee thing, right? It was like I had all of the accessories in my office that I needed to try to sustain myself for as long as possible without leaving the room. And I finally. Pass those things on because that's not my season anymore.
But I do remember thinking, how can I make this a space where I can really hide out for as much as I can so that I can get as much work done?
Yeah. Yeah. When I went from I mean, at some point , we didn't have childcare, , when I started working again, so I just tried to.
Hold my breath and go as fast as I could. Once we did get somebody, it was one of those things that I got more work done in an hour than I had done in, like, the week before. So the time, , that I do have I'm learning still how to make sure it's structured in a timeframe that like is very efficient because, although I do think about work when I'm not working. I'm trying really hard to kind of keep that balance, like we've talked about life and just focus on Jolene and focus on other things when I'm not working. So figuring out how to make this space like as efficient and productive as possible has been, , something I've been trying to achieve because I know how time can be limited
yeah. It's that be where your feet are mentality. Mm-hmm. I can tell you the number of times and I've struggled with this as well, where. , we feel exhausted or feel like we're working all the time, when really what is often happening is we are working at our desks or doing whatever our work looks like for a certain number of hours.
But then we're still thinking about our work while we're loading the dishwasher, prepping dinner or sitting on the floor playing a game with the kids. And so it feels like we're working all day.
Yeah.
And really, if we could start to notice and practice being where our feet are and actually just focusing on.
The ingredients that you're putting into the pan or the blocks that you are stacking or the Legos that you're building mm-hmm. Or whatever it is that you're doing.
Mm-hmm.
That's when we actually get the respite or the break from work. And I think a lot of people just don't even realize that's happening.
And so no wonder we feel overwhelmed or exhausted or burnt out.
Yeah, that I, so I work part-time. I usually have Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday with childcare. And so Monday, Fridays are those days where I feel that the most. Mm-hmm. When I try to work, like only during nap time. , and it was becoming.
You know, in the cartoons when their head is spinning it. It was one of those things that , I couldn't figure out like how to balance that because I feel like those days are the biggest test. . From you and from working with you. I feel like I was able to say, okay, Mondays and Fridays, like what tasks can I do in the time I have to work?
, because sometimes it's 45 minutes, sometimes it's an hour and a half, or longer. , but like I, I'm now trying to figure out how to budget that time and just at the beginning of the week say, okay, Mondays will be this and Fridays will be this. And not try to overload the tasks on those days. I mean, I might look at my email.
I might sometimes have thoughts that come in, but I also feel like that has helped me when she wakes up from her nap, I feel more at peace or than I, you know, as I can. Because that's it. That's the time I had and.
That's been an improvement I've been making , with working with you, trying to figure out what that time looks like and how to use that time. More intentional than just put a ton on my list and then be upset or flustered that it didn't happen. Because that's what was happening and I was just, Mondays and Fridays were those days where I'd feel more mentally exhausted as just like you said, because.
I'm thinking about work when I am building the Legos and all of those things. I think that, I think it's gotten better, I think because work is in the house, it's still not fully resolved yet, but it's definitely gotten better for me to just manage that time better.
Yeah. I mean, there's no sense in putting a list of 10 to-dos down when you have 45 minutes.
Like in what world would you get all of those done? , I experienced this just yesterday. We're coming back from the holiday break this week has been just stacked full mm-hmm. Of sessions, which is great and I love that. And I have work that I need to do behind the scenes for my business as well. And yesterday when I looked at the calendar, I had 30 minutes free the whole day it.
Pained me so much to not put any to-dos on my list, but I didn't have a single to-do for yesterday. Mm-hmm. Because in those 30 minutes I need to eat and refill my water and go to the bathroom and . Just have a break.
Yeah.
And I could not expect myself to do a task. And so even on days like that, , it's so hard to think, oh, I'm not doing anything.
When you are, whether it's seeing clients all day or providing childcare for your daughter like that is your job. Clients who have to be in meetings all day for their work, that is your job, and on that day, that is all you are expected to do.
Yeah. I feel like I consider myself an organized person.
Like I, I always have lists, but what I wasn't doing was, I wasn't like, I would just write it all down, which I thought meant I was organized, but I wasn't putting it in piles like that. I would at least try to have a couple of tasks no matter what, because I would feel like I'm not doing anything.
But like you said, at some point, it's just. Looking at the big picture of the day and realistically figuring out what actually fits. , and then that's enough,
that's enough. That's a hard one.
Yeah.
That's, it's,
yeah. Fun
to learn.
I bought a, I think I showed you at some point a little sign I got somewhere that said like, at the end of the day, what you've done is enough, , and that is something I look at every night because it just helps to know that.
Like, you can't do anything else , you know, it's done.
Yeah. Yeah. I feel like we jumped right in and I already have a good sense, or anyone listening already has a good sense of what your time looks like , and how you are managing things. , I'm curious because you've said. I felt like I was pretty organized.
I, you know, had lots of lists. Mm-hmm. Obviously, you're managing a business that's doing well, well enough for your husband to come on board as well.
Yeah. Yeah.
What did you feel like wasn't working, or what were you looking to solve or get help with when you decided to jump into Beyond Balance?
I. I felt like I, again, I was organized, but at the end of each day I don't wanna say I wasn't happy because I, I am, , I have a great life, a great family, a great work.
We great business, great ev great everything. It was just one of those things that I was feeling like life wasn't completed at the end of every day. Like I, I still had so much to do. , I felt like every day was just. Hectic and stressful, and although I know that having my own business and having, I guess, a toddler at this point, you know that.
Someone would say, well, that's your life right now. And , I've had people in my circle say , well that's what it is right now. That's motherhood, that's business. I feel like that wasn't sitting well with me enough where I didn't wanna feel that way every day. Like
I just didn't feel complete at the end of every day. And I feel like that's what needed to reach out and figure out, like , a lot of people are going through this. Does everyone have the opinion that like, this is just what life is right now? Does it have to be that way and I just kind of suck, suck it up, I guess?
Or is it like, like how can I try to make it better? , and I. I think I needed something and someone to help just listen, but also give me guidance that I could listen to, to kind of just , push me through, you know, , was it the way that my lists were organized or was it, , the way I was thinking about things or both.
And I, I feel like I, I knew that there was something I needed to just feel better. . At the time when I talked to you, I don't know if knew what I was gonna get out of it in terms of my goals. It was just at a spot where I felt like , it was time to talk to someone. So yeah,
I have goosebumps,
what you just said of questioning, is this really how it is? Is this really how it has to be, or what my life is supposed to feel like right now as a business owner, as a mom, with all of these things that I'm doing? And you're right, it's not always happiness. Like you said, there's a lot to be grateful for.
There is so much that does bring you joy
mm-hmm.
But that feeling of. Have I done enough? It doesn't feel like enough. I feel like I'm just always chasing and trying to cross more things off my list. Is this really how it has to be? And those are really great questions to ask because maybe you go on in search of that answer and you're like, okay, yeah, this is the season of life I'm in and I'm gonna hope that it changes at some point or gets easier at some point, but.
I hope I'm not overstepping when I say I hope that the answer that you came to was, no, it actually doesn't have to be that way, and there are examples and strategies and approaches that I can take to really shift how I feel at the end of each day.
Yeah, I think that's what came out of , our time together is that I was in need of tools to help that organization.
, be more organized. They were just lists, I think at that point. But also just, the mindset of like, no, it doesn't have to be this way. I feel like the things in my life have not actually changed, around me in terms of like. Things being hectic.
Like I, I wouldn't say like work has been less busy or more busy it's the same. It's just, , the tools that I have been given , and the advice and guidance that you've given me to help me actually work through that stress, , better and differently. That has really, that's really helped me over the last couple of weeks or months at this point.
Mm-hmm. Do any examples come to mind for you of things that you have changed, whether it's a tactical change that you've made, I mean, you've already shared about your lists now, or not just running lists. They're like, actually, what do I have time for and what's the purpose of my day? But maybe there are other tactical examples or just the way that you.
See or think about, , different parts of your life now that feel different than before.
Yeah, so I guess an example of a tactical way that I've been working is, you know, to the season of. colds and we hit one real hard before the holidays and first we were sick and then our nanny was sick.
And then, you know, it just went back and forth where things were off for weeks and, , I feel like before beforehand. It, I mean it would just be stress and kind of feel like work crept up. But I feel like the way that I was able to do that back in November was take. The priority of the day and the focus of the day.
And try to just get that done. That was either, that could have been a two hour task, a 10 minute task, you know, whatever that was. , just try to get that done between my husband and I and we're all sick. And that is one thing that like I've been applying to anything that may be. Something that creeps up or something that we don't expect to happen that day. Just kind of figuring out, okay, if the day has to shift, what's the priority? And then if we can't get to that priority, okay, we'll try again tomorrow. Like , we are going to try our hardest. , but. , it's just that aspect of trying to break down the day, you know, take that list and smush it into the one thing that needs to happen.
And that, , for me and for us, especially when we were at a point where, energy is low, no one's really thinking straight that helped us really get through what we could in, in what we had. , but another thing I guess mentally that was probably one of the biggest mindset shifts I had was our first call before I even started coaching, when I would tell you that I was getting pressure from family that.
You're working too much. You know, we have our own company , you know, everyone around me has a nine to five, which is totally okay. , but you know, I'm working nights and weekends and I have the pressure of my mom telling me to rest, and you're doing too much. And you told me that. What if it's just a perspective shift that if I have two hours with Jolene on a Monday.
I've put that two hours into the nighttime, that mentality shift of, it's just what it is, but it gets you time during the day . It's okay to work at night because. You're doing something else during the day too. So , to think that I had to work at certain times because that's what I was always used to.
But it's okay to shift it and. That for me just changed it where instead of getting upset like, oh, I have to work again tonight, it was well, what did I do today that allowed me to do that , and allows me with my job to work at night and make that shift?
And I feel like that helped me before we even started coaching. And , it was just like this light bulb that went off that like, okay, I. I have the ability and the flexibility to do that, where I can just shift things. So it doesn't make it as bad anymore. If I have to work weird hours, I might get, , a comment or two , from family members that are like, you're working why?
And, but that to me doesn't even bother me anymore because it allows me to do other things at other times. So , that's been a big mindset shift that I can't thank you enough for because , that was before we even kind of started. Yeah. I just, I remember getting off the phone and I was like, it's not bad to work nighttimes anymore.
Like, I'm good ,
well, it's about choosing, because you said. Before, maybe it was this, I have to work at night, right? I have to make up this time. And the reality is you own your own company. You don't have to do that. Mm-hmm. You are choosing to do something else during the daytime because that feels more aligned or it works out better that way.
And so then you choose. To get some of those tasks done in the evening. I think even for people who work a nine to five or work for someone else I remember my corporate days, if I had to take time outta my workday to go to a doctor's appointment or take my kids to the doctor or something like that, I felt like, oh, I have to work that extra hour at night.
And if you're an hourly employee, maybe, but for a lot of nine to fives, it's a salaried role. And sure if there are things that you want to get done, you can choose to do that, but also you don't. Have to, and it really is just owning your choices. And I think when other people see us working weird hours I think that only becomes a concern for them when we present it as , something we don't wanna do or something that we have to do.
Like, ugh,
right,
I have to work tonight, or I have to work this weekend.
Right?
And instead being like, no, I, I. I'm gonna work for a couple hours this weekend because I can,
right?
Because I wanna get this thing done because doing that will give me more time on a Monday afternoon to go to my kids, you know, extracurricular thing or whatever it is.
It's just, it doesn't matter what it is for you don't have to justify it. It's what you choose,
right?
Yeah.
Right. Exactly.
And again, probably not doing anything different in your schedule. You just feel better about the schedule that you have.
Exactly.
And I loved throughout the group as well, all of the times you would say. Wow, this was super helpful, , to think about something this way or this exercise and I actually shared it with my husband and now we're gonna implement it and how we do our business and
yes.
And I thought that was great as well because if you're making things easier for you, why not help make things easier for him and the both of you and just the efficiency of how you get things done.
Yeah, I'm trying to get him to work on a 12 week plan, , because , it's been great. It's definitely been something that I have taken, , for me and for my life and for my business. And because we're all in the, in one household, in a small little house, , it's been something that we're trying to implement everywhere because I can see the benefits of it helping me and then to know that it can be the same.
Like thought process into kind of anything that's helping. Our business, our life, in everything. I feel like my husband was like here, but not because I did, get off our calls and just talk about it afterwards. And , it was great to see what he took from it too, yeah, we, it was kind of a combined effort for,
I love it. It was so fun. I wonder if I could ask you to share your thoughts or what it felt like to be in a group setting like this, because if I can share, when we first talked about the idea of beyond balance and was this gonna be a good fit for you, you had some hesitations or some concerns about.
You can correct any of my words here. Mm-hmm. But being overshadowed or not speaking up or taking up enough space to get what you needed in a group where other people are also coming with questions and needs for coaching and mm-hmm. You did , obviously decide to give it a try and see how you managed in a group.
And I would love to hear now being on the other side, what that was actually like for you.
Yeah I did have all those thoughts. I guess if I hear someone talking and I wanna make sure that they get their thoughts out, , and , I'm someone who. When they're called on, I will be there.
I mean, if I have a thought and I get to the microphone fast enough to like unmute, I've been able to do that in the past. So I was a little nervous that it would be something that I wouldn't get as much coaching, , as I was hoping for coming to a coach which I think is.
Very much not. It was not what I expected, and it was a hundred percent different and for the better. , I actually feel like at the end of it that I not only got coaching for me, but I listened to the coaching that happened for four or five other people at a time and it brought up things that I never thought about for myself.
And so I feel like I got double the input. Even if you were giving it to somebody else, I would write something down that resonated with me that I was like, oh, that's a good idea for me. So even if I didn't get the homework personally, I was able to take that , and add it to my coaching, even though you weren't directly talking to me.
And it was great. It was a setting that I was a little, hesitant too at first, but at the same time, I can't say enough about how , just hearing about other people's lives, how other people handle things and just how you can help them. Just helped me too. And , it was a great setting to be in.
And I think about that last meeting where everybody talked about how they grew and because I feel like all along I'd go through and see the changes happening in other people too. , and it was just great. It was this accountability for everybody.
Having you as a coach, but also having this group of people that, , just came together and had similar thoughts. So it, again, it felt like I wasn't alone in thinking like, does this have to be this way? Because a lot of people had those thoughts, but , just being able to come together and solve them together , was really nice.
I really enjoy their group a lot.
It was a magical space.
Yeah,
it really was. And I hope you don't mind me giving you the award for honestly being willing to be probably the most vulnerable from someone who was hesitant. Will I get enough coaching? Will I get enough attention? Will I feel comfortable enough to speak up and ask for what I need?
Know it's so hard to explain to someone who's not in the room, but these groups are not just about to-do lists and calendars. Though they are about those things, but we are not afraid to uncover some really, , sensitive and vulnerable topics as well. And I feel so grateful that you felt safe enough in that room to bring things to the group that I know others needed to hear.
And we're so glad , that you went to those places too. To think through the tougher parts of these roles that we have.
Thank you. That I, I do feel like that's, that was it. It, I felt very safe and I didn't actually expect that at all to do that in a group of people like on, on a Zoom call.
Like it, it just, it was one of those things that we were kind of all. Linked together. And it's one of those things like , you can have a friend that you go out to dinner for and you only get certain topics out but we would meet constantly every week. And we had that hour, but we also had those worksheets and Slack.
So it, it felt like we were together often. So to feel that safe space, like really fast I feel like I was able to bring up topics, more than I can even bring up sometimes, to friends or family because the interactions are so quick sometimes. But I feel like we just had that space and that time to be able to make me feel comfortable enough to do that.
So thank you.
Of course. Of course. Such a great group.
Yeah.
I'm curious, what is, if you wanna share what is on your current 12 week? Plan. Are you aiming for something fun or just getting stuff done?
I started it, right before Christmas, that was one of our last worksheets.
And for me right now, it is a decluttering. The first 12 equal would like to be the decluttering of things
same. It feels
so good of office. Yeah. And , just, you know, new year, starting fresh, just getting into a mindset that I can, I think I told you, open a cupboard and not feel like it's all gonna fall out.
I mean that's partly because Jolene pulls it out, but I also, trying to get there, space by space, , room by room. That's the goal for a little bit of time.
That's perfect. I love it. And you can make so much progress in 12 weeks without it feeling like this massive sprint, you know?
Mm-hmm. That you can fit it in where it fits.
Right. Exactly.
I love. Yeah. Thank you so much for sharing what life looks like and some of the takeaways and shifts that you've made. , I know there's always work to be done like this work never ends, but I'm so proud of where you have landed , and all that you took from the group.
So thank you for sharing your story here and with everybody listening.
Thank you Katelyn. Thanks for having me. And thanks for everything you've done. I appreciate it.
Of course. Thank you so much for listening and as always, for being a part of this Working Mom community. You can find everything related to this episode in the show notes at themothernurture.com/podcast. And don't forget enrollment for Beyond Balance,
my group coaching program for working moms who want to go from feeling constantly behind to having plenty of time is open, but only until February 10th. Head to themothernurture.com/interest to fill out your application today. Again, that's themothernurture.com/interest. I would love to have you join.
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