Episode 96: The Pleasure of Early Mornings: How to Actually Want to Wake Up
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
If you’ve ever hit snooze and thought, “I should get up earlier,” this episode is for you. We’re talking about the mindset shift that turns early mornings from something you dread into something you actually look forward to. You’ll learn how to find pleasure in the quiet before the chaos, create believable thoughts about mornings, and build a routine that feels like a gift, not a grind.
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
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📍 You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Hello. Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. This is episode 96 and we're gonna be talking about mornings. That's been coming up a lot lately in coaching, and I think it's probably because. Many of us are starting to see those initial signs of spring.
We're feeling like there's a light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to winter, and with that, of course, we're getting just a little bit more daylight at the bookends of our days, and so. If January and the dead of winter felt like a really tough time for you to think about your mornings, your morning routine, carving out some time for yourself in the morning, maybe you're feeling that nudge now, like so many of my clients are, and I think that's why.
This has been coming up, so I have a previous episode of the podcast, which I will probably reference throughout, and I'm gonna go ahead and give you that number now. I'll put it in the show notes as well so that you can check that out. If you're newer to the podcast, and this is the first time you've heard me talk about morning routines, definitely check out episode 18.
It's called The Truth About Morning Routines for Working Moms. You can get my hot takes on what I think is realistic in this season of life.
But for this episode specifically, I want to talk about the challenge of waking up. I know that probably some of you don't have a problem with this. Maybe you've just always been a morning person, you hate the snooze button, or you have some strong external accountability or some really strong coffee that motivates you to just get right up when you need to.
But for many of the women that I talk to, waking up, especially in this season where we are maybe dealing with middle of the night comfort and sick children and just feeling exhausted ourselves, waking up, getting out of bed can be a real challenge. If you listen to episode 90, a few.
Episodes back. My client Tori talked about the radical shift that she has had with her mornings when she just decided finally enough was enough and she was going to wake up a couple of hours before her kids to really use that morning time for. Whatever it is that she needs, whether it's to take care of some tasks, some silence, some prep for the day, enjoying her coffee outside as the sun comes up.
And , she really did talk about how magical it has been and the question that I asked her, and I continue to ask anyone who's able to rise at those very early morning hours is how. How do you get out of bed when it's earlier than you quote unquote, have to.
I know so many of you are just getting up with barely enough time to get yourselves ready out the door, either for work or school or daycare. Drop off. Many others of you are getting up when you hear that first cry or when someone comes as they do in my house, tapping on your forehead. I don't know what that is about.
Do your kids do that? Or climbing into bed with you? Right? There are all of these variations of waking up with our children, and from that point on, whether you're waking up with just enough time to get things done and out the door, or you're being woken up by someone who needs you. You hit the ground running at that point.
Maybe you jump in the shower, you get dressed, you change a diaper, you're feeding the kids, you're, cuddling or nursing or feeding a baby. There is just nonstop number of things to do before everyone is ready for the day, whatever that looks like,
and what you miss when you start the day that way. Is having any time that feels like your own. And for many of my clients, and I'm guessing for you too, that morning time is one of the only times where you can fit in something for you. Because often what I hear, and at least what I experience, is that you're too tired to do it after the kids go to bed.
So whether that is a workout, some stretching or physical therapy exercises, maybe some reading or just planning your day or for some even deeper work that takes that uninterrupted focused time to really accomplish. The mornings are such an ideal place and often the only place to put those things. When my second was born, my daughter, I, I look back and I'm like, how did I do that?
But I woke up early. I'd give myself about an hour before her average wake time. I would wake up early to write. So many of the early articles that I wrote for my business were written in the dark in the very early morning hours at my kitchen island before anyone else was awake.
Now, I know that's not for everyone waking up earlier than you have to, and it may not be for every season. Depending on the circumstances and what you have going on, sleep may very well be what you need most, and so I am trusting you to know what you need. If sacrificing sleep in order to do some of these things for yourself is not where you are, please acknowledge that and know that the seasons will change.
There have definitely been seasons in my life where I was unable to do anything other than wake up at five or five 30 when my youngest was on a streak of waking up. At that time, I was not setting an alarm for four. I needed that sleep. So I trust you to know what you need and file some of this away if that is you for a future season.
But for those of you who want that time and just have trouble claiming it, I wanna talk about finding something to look forward to, something that will get you out of bed to claim that time.
In that conversation with Tori in episode 90 that I mentioned just a minute ago, she said that when she shifted her thinking. From pain to pleasure, that's when it clicked. So instead of thinking that this is going to be awful, I'm gonna be so tired, I don't want to get up. Shifting that instead to, I want to do this, I get to have a cup of coffee when it's quiet, it's so peaceful in the morning, or I love this time by myself.
Now those are thought shifts. Understanding that your current line of thinking is one that is associating pain to having to wake up and trying actively to shift it to thinking about pleasure or reward or something to look forward to.
But I think, and what I coach as well, is that it is often more impactful when you actually believe those thoughts. So if you are not quite on board with the idea that you want to do this, that you get to do this, that it's peaceful or that you love that time by yourself, the thoughts won't be enough. And so what I would challenge you to do is to take yourself on a journey of finding what you love about the mornings. How do we make those thoughts about the morning believable? What is something that feels pleasurable that you get in the mornings when you wake up early?
I talk to so many women who are doing things or want to do things that they know are good for them,
but often those things that are good for us aren't actually what we love doing. So for example. I was coaching a client last week and she knows that the early mornings are the
only time where she can fit in doing her PT exercises, her physical therapy exercises, she knows those are important. She knows it's gonna help her feel better. It is something that she wants to do. But it's not exactly in the pleasure category, let's be honest, right? There's no instant gratification there either, because physical therapy, as with a lot of exercise, is a long game.
Yes, maybe we get the endorphins that come from exercise, but especially with pt, we're not even\ probably getting your heart rate up or sweating. It is about making deposits or investments toward how you will feel in the long term. So for her, that's not exactly something that gets her up out of bed.
So what will, I think there are many things that fall into this category.
Exercise classes, as I've mentioned, even planning time. I love planning my day, but maybe that in and of itself isn't enough to drive you to get up. So then we have to ask ourselves. Can we pair that activity with something that is pleasurable? Can you listen to a really great audiobook, a page turner? Can you listen to an album that you absolutely love?
Do people say album anymore? Did I just date myself? I say album, I'm gonna, I'm gonna own that. I do. Can you have an amazing coffee concoction that you just really love? Some sort of latte or cold foam or, I don't even know what all is available out there, but something that really Ooh, is so good to have that in the morning.
Can you have twinkle lights in your living room to sit by while you plan your day? What would bring you pleasure to help with the thoughts that you are going to try on, that you're gonna test out about wanting and getting to do these things. Maybe you are someone who does need that external accountability.
You are so not alone.
I meet one of my good friends every Monday morning for leg day at the gym. The external accountability is great though I have gotten to a point now
where waking up and working out is just a part of my routine. But I'll never forget one morning, recently, this winter, during all of the snow where it felt like every Monday there was a reason for us to not meet because the roads or school closures or whatever. My friend texted me the night before and said, I don't know.
Whether you're able or planning to come to the gym tomorrow morning, but please don't tell me if you're not coming. I wanna think that you are going to be there waiting for me. 'cause otherwise I'm not sure. I'll go and I really wanna go. You can see just how powerful the idea that someone is waiting on you or you've paid for the class or.
You made this commitment in some way, how powerful that is to getting you out of bed. I might be scrambling to throw on my shoes and coat at the last minute to meet her there on time, but I do make it happen because I don't wanna keep her waiting and vice versa. So maybe if that is you and you know it, is there someone else who wants to start getting up early too?
If you can't meet in person necessarily for a workout class or a walk or something along those lines, can you at least text each other or can you join a silent Zoom meeting as you go about your morning or sit down to plan your day or do that deep work?
Another thing to think about is this client who wanted to start waking up earlier to do her physical therapy, asked the group. I have a group for my alumni clients and we meet a couple times a month a. And she asked the group of these other working moms how they wake up early for those who are successfully getting up ahead of their kids, ahead of when they have to be out of bed, how do they do it?
And so many of them said, coffee. Coffee gets me up in the morning. Now this client doesn't drink coffee. I actually don't either anymore. So that is not a part of her morning ritual, and she seemed defeated by that. Oh, well I don't have this thing that all of you have.
She said, the things that I enjoy are chocolate and soda. They're not really morning things. And the group almost unanimously said, well, why not? Why can't those things be morning things? If coffee is a pleasurable reward for waking up? Why can't chocolate be the same? Why can't chocolate be your coffee?
And it clicked for her? You're right. Why can't it be something to look forward to, something to get you out of bed? And so I'm curious where you might be putting rules around things that can or cannot be a part of your morning routine. My youngest will sometimes come down for breakfast and ask to eat like leftover spaghetti and meatballs or pizza.
I used to say, no, that's not breakfast. But lately, I'm, I've stopped saying no, because why not? If that's what sounds good to you and you're gonna eat some food before you start the day. Who am I to decide what is a breakfast food and what is not? So where might you be putting rules around what you can and can't do in the morning?
What would you look forward to, or what would you do in the morning if you weren't being so rigid?
Now the other piece that I think is so important when you think about how to actually get up and out of bed in the morning is pre-planning. If you are waking up earlier than you have to, the last thing you want to do is make decisions, is to decide things. What workout should I do? Should I write or should I plan?
Should I catch up on email or do this other thing? Which book do I want to listen to? Or what playlist if you have to make a decision, you're probably not getting up when the alarm goes off.
You'll snooze or you'll scroll, or if you are up, you'll putter around the house. Not making effective use of that time, not actually doing the thing that will bring you some joy. So just like laying out your outfit the night before makes getting dressed easier, choosing what exactly you will do the night before makes getting out of bed so much easier.
If a client tells me they wanna do an at-home workout eye to, I ask them, which one, don't just say, I am gonna get on the Peloton app, or whatever the program is that you use. I want you to choose the exact workout. Do you have 20 minutes or 30 minutes? Are you gonna do a bike ride? Are you gonna walk? Are you going to lift?
Which one? Cue it up. Have it ready to go. Do you know which audiobook you're gonna listen to? If you're going to work out, what's the playlist that is going to get you excited? What's the project that you're going to work on? Have the document open on your laptop. Have your laptop at the counter with an empty mug that you can just fill.
Set out the things, make the decisions in advance.
I have another client who has her morning routine planned out to the 15 minute mark. Again, I mentioned at the beginning, episode 18, the truth about morning routines for working moms. In that episode, you'll learn that I don't necessarily think a rigid morning routine is right for everyone. It is for this client.
It's not right for everyone because when you have kids in the mix with variable wake times, especially when they're young, it can be super frustrating to have a routine mapped out and then the baby wakes up or the toddler needs you to be with them. A morning menu might be a better route for you, having options that you can choose from depending on who is awake, how well you slept the night before, any of those other variables.
But even in that instance, you can still pre decide your options. If the kids sleep through the night and they're still asleep, when the alarm goes off, you will do X, Y, Z, and you've already picked it out or made the decision, but if they woke up multiple times, you are going to allow yourself to sleep until whatever the time is.
If you have reliable sleepers, scheduled sleepers, or you have older kids, and by all means, map it out. Take the guesswork out of it,
and move toward creating a menu or a routine of things that you find enjoyable. Now lastly, let's talk about, I think one of the biggest barriers to getting out of bed in the morning to claim some of this time for yourself, and that is, what do I do if I'm just tired
and I'm not gonna sit here and give you a formula or tell you exactly how to know whether sleep is more important than waking up. That is something that I would encourage you to learn about yourself and what you need, but I can tell you from my experience that there are seasons where I know that rest is my top priority.
I am looking to get as much sleep as deep a sleep as possible, and that is going to give me more benefit than claiming some of this time for myself in the morning. Then there are seasons where I know I'm getting adequate rest, even if it's not hours, slept at night, my brain is getting breaks. I am getting one of the other kinds of rest, right?
Sleep does not necessarily equal rest. We can be rested from doing other things. That is where you have to get curious. Is it possible to wake up and do a couple of these things for yourself in the morning even though you're not sleeping? Is it counting as rest for you and then
there's the thought that I have to remind myself of pretty regularly that whether I sleep. Until the kids wake up the last possible minute that I can wake up, or whether I wake up that hour earlier to do a workout or do something else for me, I feel tired. Either way. When the alarm goes off, I am equally tired.
It's not like if I sleep for an extra hour, I feel more awake. I actually feel the same either way. And so in those instances. If I haven't been woken up in the night, I'm not recovering from an illness or an illness in the family, I'm choosing to get up earlier because that actually gives me more energy than lying in bed for another hour or half hour or whatever it is for you.
So that can be something for you to think about as well. Do you actually feel more rested if you get that extra sleep, or is it the same either way and maybe you fill your cup more by just getting up and doing something that you love?
If you have any thoughts tried and true strategies for getting up out of bed, please reach out to me. Send me an email or a DM on Instagram at Love Mother Nurture. I love. To have conversations around these podcast topics. And like I said, this is one that keeps coming up over and over again, and so I hope this is helpful if you are considering that morning time, how to get up and how to reclaim it for yourself.
Definitely also check out episode 18 and episode 90 of the podcast if you haven't already.
If you'd like to hear more real time reflections on what I'm focused on in my life, what I'm working on with clients, what I'm loving right now, and putting into practice as a busy working mom of three. Be sure to subscribe to my newsletter, which comes out every Wednesday. It's The Working Mom Journal.
You can go to themothernurture.com/resources to get signed up. All right, until the next episode. Take care and I'll talk to you soon.
📍 Thank you for listening and as always, for being a part of this working mom community. You can find everything related to this episode in the show notes at themothernurture.com/podcast,
you can also find information about how I support working moms just like you through one-on-one, and group coaching, as well as access a number of resources and articles all on my website at themothernurture.com.
I will see you again next week for another episode of the podcast
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