Episode 80: How to Make Friendship Fun as a Busy Working Mom
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In this week’s episode, Katelyn sits down with photographer, mom of two, and natural community-builder Brooke, for a heartfelt conversation about what it really looks like to work, parent, and stay connected through every season of working motherhood.
Brooke shares honestly about navigating a career with fluctuating busy seasons, balancing weekend work with family life, and communicating needs at home—especially during intense work seasons. She talks about how she and her husband have learned to share responsibilities, let go of perfection, and trust each other’s way of doing things.
But what really makes this conversation special is Brooke’s other superpower: creating community. Whether she’s organizing a fall hangout, sending the cutest invite, or simply texting friends to join her for a walk, Brooke shows how building friendships doesn’t have to be elaborate (unless you want it to be)—it can be simple, intentional, and doable for even the busiest working mom.
If you’re a working mom trying to build a village, wanting fresh ideas for friendship, or simply trying to manage life during your own busy season, this conversation will give you so many ideas, big and small.
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
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You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode. .
Hi, welcome back to another episode of the podcast. This is episode 80 and it really doesn't need too much of an introduction, so I will try to keep this brief. I knew that I wanted to have my good friend Brooke on for this season of the podcast. Not just because she's a working mom,
but because of something that she does so well that I don't know is really that common. Maybe you have someone like Brooke in your life, or maybe you are the Brooke in your life, but you know those people who just. Naturally are such good connectors. They are the person who always remembers to reach out, who never lets it go too long in between texts or phone calls or meetups,
and friendship just seems to come so naturally to them. Well, that is Brooke, and not only is she just a great connector, she is also a really creative host. I have had the privilege to be invited to some of the most fun gatherings and overnights and experiences because of her creativity.
And so in this episode, I really wanted to have the chance to get inside of her brain, if you will, to understand how she does this, what she's thinking about, what tips and tricks she has to make this possible even in very busy seasons of parenting when kids are young to work seasons that just take a lot of time and energy.
And so I cannot wait for you to hear about some of these fun ideas that she has and to also learn the how and the why, why this is so important. And so if you enjoy the topic or thinking about friendships, connection, community village, insert whatever term resonates for you.
You are in for such a treat
so with that, let's get into this conversation with my good friend Brooke Auer. I.
Hi, Brooke. Welcome to the podcast.
Hi. I'm so excited.
Brooke has, , a really professional microphone right now. I'm so impressed.
Well, that is one of the many perks of being married to a musician.
I know, I know.
So I invited Brooke on because we'll, we'll get into this more as we get into the episode, but Brooke has this very, well, she has many, many talents, which you can, you can share.
She's an amazing photographer. She is. So good with kids. Aw, that is, that is like the most basic description. You are so much more than that. But my children absolutely adore you. You have this gift. I learn so much from you about just how to interact with and engage with and enjoy kids you have.
That is such a gift that you have. Thank you. And then what I wanted her really to talk with us about today is this other talent that she has of really creating community and spaces and fun I, I mean just fun things for all of us to look forward to. So she's not just putting a dinner date on the calendar.
She is orchestrating something that is memorable and meaningful and even down to the way that she invites everyone I think is so special. And I just. If you don't have a Brooke in your life, I think it is so great. And I, I want you to hear from her today on what that takes and what it looks like, just so you have a glimpse into that.
So that's what we're really gonna get into today. But enough of my intro, why don't you tell us a little bit about yourself to get things started and then we'll go from there.
Yeah. Well, thank you for saying all these really nice things about me. Really hard to accept compliments sometimes, but it's like really making my heart happy to hear you say all those things.
So thank you. It's very validating. Okay, so I am a part-time family photographer. I also do a lot of portrait photography. I work with adults and businesses and stuff too, but my bread and butter is working with families. So, , my workload will fluctuate by the season. So right now I am working like 50 to 60 hours a week trying to get lots of photos done so that people have them to make their holiday cards.
But then there are other parts of the year where my workload is pretty light. I may only work 10 or 15 hours a week. So I think that that's important to acknowledge upfront. I made a choice when my daughter was born 10 years ago to stay home. And then I've slowly built my business over the last decade, but I have a very flexible work schedule.
So when we get into later talking about like the party planning that I do, I have capacity to do it most of the time. Mm-hmm. , so I just wanna be transparent about that. I'm very lucky that I have a flexible job that allows me to do all these fun things. So can I ask you,
can
I ask you a quick question?
Yeah. So go ahead.
I've not heard you give your elevator speech before on what it is that you do, so that was fun to listen to. Yeah. You said part-time. And that's interesting to me because I look at you, especially right now, I have a very. Behind the scenes look at what your life is. Yeah. And, and like you said, I, I do know there are seasons like in the summer where you're not working as much and you're spending more of the day with your kids, but mm-hmm.
It's interesting. I would not have used the words part-time and I wonder Yeah. I mean,
I don't track my hours, to be honest. Like I just, I get the work done. I look at what I make. It works for me, like, well that sounds great, you know, this was a good year, or, oh, I'm struggling a little bit. I'm not making as much as I made last year, but you know, it's all fine.
It's, I adapt a lot based on the economy and all of that, so I don't track my hours. But I know, just based on my stress level, there are definitely parts of the year where I'm not working very much. I mean, in the winter especially, I might do maybe three or four newborn sessions a month, maybe a few headshot sessions, but nothing compared to what I'm doing in the spring and the fall.
Sure, okay. So
I always look at my job as part-time. But I, . I'm somewhere between a stay-at-home mom and a working mom. It's a little bit of both. So what I forgot to mention is I have two kids. My first is a daughter, she's 10, almost 11.
And then I have a son who just turned eight. , my husband also works from home and he's been with his company for a long time. So some seniority there, a very flexible schedule. And all of that comes together to make things a lot easier for us, so I just, I, you know, I wanna be very clear. I know you have a lot of really busy moms listening and trust me, this time of year, I totally relate. , I work more than my husband this time of year. Yeah. So I get to experience what that's like for most people day to day. , but this is not my. Normal, workload.
Yeah. I've also watched you, I just wanna give you credit. I've also watched you be really creative with the business as you've grown it. Like you said, your bread and butter is family because you're so good with kids and you're just, I love that Able Yes. You're able to get all of those really beautiful, heartwarming, fun and silly, , images with your clients.
Mm-hmm. But I've also seen you expand into doing private school photos in the fall and business, , photography and, I don't know, didn't you, I'm trying a little bit of everything. Yeah, I was gonna say, didn't you shoot like a,
a school dance or something? Yeah, I just did a high school dance. Yeah. A couple weekends ago.
And, , and some weddings. Some weddings. I've been doing some branding photos for some of my clients who are building out websites for their businesses. , so every year I challenge myself to try something new and learn something new and, and just try to grow my business because the reality is when my kids were younger, I didn't wanna work that much as they get older.
First of all, kids are really expensive as they get older and we have come to rely more and more on my income to, keep things going. And so I'm always trying to find new ways to grow my business so that hopefully I can keep doing this for another 10, 20 years, even as my kids are in high school and college and I don't know how long kids are gonna find me funny and entertaining, so I have to try to branch out a little bit.
Yeah, I love it. Yeah. So. Obviously we're recording this in a very busy season, and you've done a good job , of explaining how things shift for you in the different seasons, but your kids are school age like mine, and so
I see you often dropping the kids off in the morning, and I'm pretty sure you do pickup as well, so when you In my pajamas
probably, I, I can't see that, you know, whatever. Sometimes I see Katelyn walking back and she looks so cute, all dressed up and ready for work, and I am in like sweatpants and Crocs and my hair isn't brushed, and I'm like, wow, to eat that I am thriving today.
Yeah, that's, that's okay. I also,
you know, that is. That is a holdover for me for my corporate days. Really? Oh, I love it.
I'm inspired by it. Like sometimes I'm like, I'm gonna go home and get dressed. Like I'll be so much more productive. Yeah,
it does, help me to be in, in hard pants and be more productive that way, but yeah.
So you're doing drop off and pickup and then you have the school hours too if you're in a busy season. Do your editing, walk us through some of the routines that your family does have.
Yeah, so, actually one of your earlier podcast guests, I think her name was Amanda, she talked about how they get up really early to out and her kids
they have their routines that hashtag goals. Yeah. Well, I literally came home that day and was like, Luke, everyone is getting up at seven now. This is my husband's Luke. I was like, we are going to have a checklist for the kids that they have to do by a certain time. So we already kind of had some of those routines in place, but , our school doesn't start as, you know, until nine 10.
So we have a lot of time in the morning to putz around.
Yeah.
And what was happening was we were always rushing out the door because we were wasting so much of the early morning doing nothing. And so I was like, we're going to get everyone up by seven.
They have an hour to do their chores or their tasks, like getting ready for school, packing a lunch, unload the dishwasher, make their bed, brush their teeth, and then if everything's done by eight, they can have some screen time. And then, , for me personally, as you know, I like to work out.
You and I try to meet on Mondays. Yep. I have another friend. I meet Wednesdays and then hopefully one or two other days I go do something on my own. But I like to go early in the morning and then, they have been empowered and we've put some rewards in place for them to sort of do their own thing. Mm-hmm. And then my challenge then has been, you know, if I get back from the gym or if even if I'm not working out, like I am giving myself the space to not micromanage them and make my breakfast.
Yeah. Get dressed, you know, all these things that normally I was pushing off to the back burner to prioritize their needs. I'm like, no, I need to get ready too. And, , our school's about 15 minutes from our house, so I drive them to and from pretty much every day. If I do have a photo shoot, usually Luke can cover for me.
So, yeah, I mean, like most of our mornings, Monday through Friday, even in the summer, I try to keep a routine. We do workbooks in the morning and we have a whole ritual we do before 9:00 AM Yeah. So, yeah. I love that.
Yeah.
And
then you're either doing work? Oh, so yes. When I get back from school,
yeah.
When I get back from school, like right now in my busy season, and it's this way also towards the end of the school year, I am answering emails. I'm, scheduling sessions, I'm editing, doing all the admin stuff that comes with running your own business, social media posts and newsletters and all of that.
, sometimes I will do chores instead, and then I will work at night, and that just changes week by week. I'm always communicating with Luke, what's your workload like this week? Is it all right if I work a little bit after dinner? I prefer to work when my kids are not home. So I do try to do that during the school day.
But when you own your own business, you can be flexible with your hours and , editing is a creative process for me and sometimes I'm just not feeling super creative and so I have to wait for that inspiration. Yeah. And the motivation to strike. I love doing things at the last minute.
So sometimes I do work at night and come in right under deadline, but it gets done. It always does. It gets done. Yeah. I thrive in that type of environment. And, weekends is when I do most of my shooting, so sometimes weeknights, but generally on the weekends. So, during the week, if I know I'm working a full Saturday and a full Sunday, I'll give myself a day off during the week too.
Yeah, not edit, you know, or not be glued to my computer just to give myself like a mental break. But
yeah.
Yeah, it's a lot. , especially this time of year. I love the fall, but I do work a lot on the weekends, so I don't get to do all the fun pumpkin patch things as often as I would like to, but
yeah.
. What does it look like to come into a really busy season? Are you sitting down to say, these are the weekends that I'm gonna offer for my. Holiday mini sessions or whatever. And so he has a big picture view or , how do you work that out? Because then obviously he's great question.
He's, he's with the kids then all, he's with the kids all day Saturday or all day Sunday while you're with your families taking photos.
I will spare you the long story of how we got here. , to be perfectly honest, it was not a, a perfect system always. We have had some really challenging conversations and just navigating how my work has put pressure on us as a couple, our mental health, all of these things in the last couple of years.
I have gotten faster at editing. I have some AI tools that help me expedite, so I don't need as much time to edit, and that helps a lot during the week. On the weekends, I, and this is true when we get into in a little bit my social calendar, I am not one that asks him for permission to do anything. I just put it on the calendar and then I tell him about it.
And then if there's ever a conflict, which there almost never is, then I can go back and reschedule or move things around. But I pick the dates that I'm going to do. I give him a heads up. He knows we have a shared Google calendar. He can always look ahead, but he does better when I communicate things on a week by week basis or even like.
Friday I'll be like, Hey, I'm with, so and so all day. , I'll be home at this time, do you want me to help you find something to do with the kids? And most of the time is like, no, I'll figure something out. And for me, the biggest challenge has been letting go of my expectations that everything is gonna run smoothly.
He is a great dad and he's perfectly capable of getting our groceries and picking up my slack, but that has taken a lot of time for me to let go of my control in those areas and to allow him to help me during this time.
Mm.
So, , we're at a really good place now, and it does certainly make a difference now that our kids are older.
They're self-sufficient, a lot. Like they can make their own meals, all of that. There's so many things that have happened in the last couple of years that have helped us when our kids were little and I was gone. It was a lot.
Yeah.
To be honest, we didn't always handle it very well.
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I appreciate you sharing that, honestly, and
I hear this theme a lot just here on the podcast, but also in working with my clients and a lot of this shared communication does happen over time. There is a lot mm-hmm. Of trial and error and as much as we need it to be perfect when the kids are . Younger, mm-hmm. Because they do require more, it is a more challenging season sometimes.
I do wonder if we have to go through that to get to this place where, yeah, it took us 10 years, or it took us five years, or it took us three seasons of this really busy workload to finally realize, oh, this is what we need, or this is what works best.
I also think my husband had a, it took him a long time to be able to communicate to me what he needed from me during my busy season, and I think it was last year, he was like, look, I am more than happy to do the groceries, cook dinner.
Keep up with the laundry. He's like, but I'm gonna do it my own way. I'm not gonna be printing out recipes and it's gonna be like grilled chicken and green beans. , it's just gonna be simple and I may not get the groceries at the time you think I should get them? I might get them when it works better for me.
And I need you to trust that I'm gonna handle things. And this was also when I was learning so much about fair play and I was like, wow, this is great. He's actually wanting to step up and help, but I'm getting in his way because he's not doing it the way I would do it. And wow. Like, what does that say about me?
So once I just really did truly let it go, , everything changed. So I mean, we've gone through several iterations of what, my busy seasons look like, and, the last two years have been the least stressful of them all because we're just being better about speaking up for what we need
, but we also have just accepted that things aren't gonna be perfect and that's fine. My house, I love having a clean house, but it does, it's not clean this time of year. It just never will be. So I've learned to live with that. Yeah. Yeah.
Which maybe is a good segue then, because we were at your house a couple of weeks ago because you sent out this invitation for like, come hang out and celebrate fall.
And whether it's that or girls nights that you organize or any of the many other things that you do. First of all, I always know it's gonna come usually with a cute little digital invite. I don't know where you design those, but it makes it feel special. Well,
somebody, really should lock me out of Canva because I'll get on there and find these cute invitations and I'm like, oh, I need to have a party
because you're inspired by the invite.
I love that, basically. Yeah. Yeah. But you also, just send text messages sometimes, right? Like, Hey, there's this thing happening in a couple of weeks. Anybody wanna go with me?
Yeah. And you're
so good about that. And I, I guess I really wanna understand the way your brain works.
Yeah. Are you, is that just always top of mind for you? Are you thinking, oh, it's been a while since I've seen this person or these friends, how do these ideas come to you?
That's such a great question. I think that. If I go back to what I remember of high school, I always wanted like a really big group of friends. And I moved in the middle of high school and so I only had two years at this new school. It wasn't really enough time to make like a big group of friends.
, and then I went to college and. Same thing there. I didn't join a sorority or anything, so there was never this big group of people. I have picked like one or two friends from every phase of life. And it really wasn't until we moved into Northside where I felt like I had some sort of sense of community.
But even then, we were all raising very young kids and at times it was easy to get together. But as they got older, it got harder. And, , I think I have just really always had this desire for community. I am extrovert. So that's, obviously part of the motivation.
But, I also grew up where like my parents had monthly game nights with their neighbors and they would go to Jimmy Buffett concerts. And my dad always makes everything special. He's extra, you know? Like, we would go camping and he would bring twinkly lights and DJ equipment to the campsite.
Wow. And that just felt growing up, that all just felt so normal to me. Mm-hmm. So like going into adulthood and making things fun and being a little bit extra, just like didn't seem like that big of a deal. And I would hear from people I can't believe you're doing all this. You're not, oh, okay.
Like I didn't know. You mean everybody doesn't do this? Everybody doesn't do this.
Everybody does not do this. I just In case you didn't know.
Yeah. Well, and that's something that, you know, it never feels like work to me to plan events or parties. It's actually fun. It's almost more like a hobby. So I think for me to think about it that way, you know, for some people, even to host a casual get together feels really stressful or feels overwhelming.
For me to plan a party or a girls' night, or a dinner out or a trip, the logistics like cleaning my house, deciding what to prepare or what restaurant to go to, or figuring out how much each person has to pay to do a karaoke room downtown or whatever, like. That is fun for me. I like the planning.
Mm-hmm. Just as much as I like the event itself. And so, I think it just comes from a place of just a creative outlet maybe. Actually I was thinking about some of my ideas for parties that I've had over the years, and I think this will make you laugh.
I see things on Instagram and TikTok and Pinterest and stuff. But , a lot of my favorite party ideas are costume or dress up related. Yeah. And then when I think about who my actual friends are, like nobody would come to those parties because nobody that I know really enjoys dress up like I do.
I would, you might, but I think most of my friends would only do it to humor me. Like it would be forced to them. Yeah. Yeah. And so I try to think about depending on who I'm meeting with, is this something that's gonna be fun for them, you know? And I think if you have a friend or a group of friends who like having a big party and a get together isn't your vibe, like, that's fine.
There's other things you can do too.
Yeah. I guess the question that comes up for me is if you are not someone who finds it to be a creative outlet or to be super fun, but you still value connection, community, friendship, are there things that you do or that. You can think of , that would make it easy or not as stressful, even if you don't wanna go all out and do a themed party, you know?
Which is not all you do. I just wanna also say that.
Oh, sure. Yeah. I do those things. I love to organize like movie nights. Yeah. Or working up for a walk. Yeah, actually
that's a great, that's another great example.
Yeah. So I think, , in terms of getting a group of people together, one thing I've been trying to do more often is to set a date and time upfront.
I think so much of the back and forth of comparing calendars and getting everyone's availability, figuring out what night works for everyone, and then inevitably it doesn't work for everyone. And then , sometimes it feels like you're choosing between which person you want to be there.
And I just think it sucks all the fun out. So I've just been trying to, like, I set the date, I set the time. I think it's nice to be invited to something where everything is predetermined. You pull up your calendar, it's a quick decision. You can either make it or you can't.
And for me, as the host I'm working on being okay with the fact that not everybody will be able to come and that's okay.
Mm-hmm. Because
we're eliminating all of the headache of planning. So I look at my calendar, I find a day that works best for me and I throw it out there. Now, if nobody can come, then we'll go back to the drawing board.
Right. But usually it, it works out. And I think that, like we talked about just meeting for walks, so even just not worrying about a party or an event, but , are there things that you are already doing throughout your day that you can do with somebody? So. I love to go on long walks, , as part of my exercise routine for the week.
And most of the time I'm perfectly fine to go by myself and listen to my audio books. But yeah, if I have a friend that's like, Hey, do you wanna get dinner? I'm like, can we go for a walk? Mm-hmm. Because I'm already gonna be doing that. And if you're trying to make new friends, you have to have these like getting to know you conversations, which are always awkward. And so I think a walk is great because you're side by side, you're not facing the other person, so you don't have to deal with the eye contact.
And also a walk is really scalable. Yeah. It can be 30 minutes, it can be an hour. Everybody can do it. You can meet anywhere. It's free. It's, easy and it's, mutually beneficial. You get to catch up with somebody and you get your steps in. Yeah. So I think that's another low bar way to maintain your friendships.
Yeah. Even if , party planning isn't your thing, but, I also love going to the movies. Yes. You know, trips we can, we can, that kind of stuff.
Yeah. Let's, let's rapid fire. This is what comes to mind of the things that you and I or that you have orchestrated over the years that are just coming to me as I'm hearing you talk about all this.
So, , yeah. Movie night, we went to a movie with one other friend this summer. Mm-hmm. Again, you just said, Hey, it's showing. This week. Let's go on this night. I'll meet you there.
Yeah.
Do you remember a couple of years ago, none of the other girls were interested in watching a cheesy holiday rom-com and you and I just said, oh yeah, we
did Bing.
It was like bingo or something. Yeah,
a holiday. Bingo. You know, you watch one of these cheesy movies and you check off like, was there a Christmas tree farm? Yeah. Was there a hot cocoa incident? Was there, whatever? We didn't even sit in the same room. You watched it at your house? Mm-hmm. I watched it at my house.
We texted a little bit, but just knowing that Brooke was on the other side of the city watching the same movie. Mm-hmm. Laughing at the same, terrible, I think Lindsay Lohan was in it. It was really bad. I
No, that was fun. I remember that. Right?
Yeah. Plenty of walks, workouts, even just, Hey, my kids and I are gonna be at the pool. Do you wanna come hang with us mm-hmm. For these two hours? And we'll order a pizza and eat it at the table. , from those everyday things to, full on, big group of girls gathering at your house, or last year in the winter, you organized a two night stay at an Airbnb, 30 minutes outside of the city where we all just holed up in our sweatpants and
ate food.
And do you , remember when our kids were little and we did, Fergus Fridays, we did, yeah, we would sometimes pop around houses, but then I feel like there was a season where we just said , the first Friday of every month, come over, we will make dinner.
You don't have to bring anything. Our house would get trashed. But it was just like, yep, you either neighbors either can come or you can't, you don't have to. RSVP.
We actually shifted Fergus Fridays, I don't know if you remember this. As everybody started having kids all around the same time, we shifted it to brunch.
I think we still called it Fergus Fridays, but maybe it was Saturday or Sunday brunch. Yeah. Later.
Yeah. Yeah,
yeah. So many things
There's so many things that come to me now once I started thinking about it. , although I will say that there have been times where I have wondered , am I annoying people with this?
, do people appreciate it? , I will say I am typically the one that's reaching out and planning. I don't get it reciprocated that often with different friends. And so sometimes, I question like, not is it worth it, but just , am I. Trying too hard or I don't know.
Mm.
So it's nice to hear from you that you have appreciated those gatherings all these years.
'cause sometimes you don't really reap the fruit of that. Is that the right expression? I don't know. You don't like, I dunno, you don't always see the benefits of what you're doing until , years later. Mm. You know? Yeah.
Yeah. That brings up a good point, because even to hear you say it's fun for me, it feels like a creative outlet.
I enjoy doing it. I still imagine that it does take time and energy that you could be spending on your business or with your family or reading the next great fantasy series that you wanna get into. And so does it feel worth it? Yeah. If, if we can quantify that, I don't know. But is it worth the time and energy to you?
Yeah. So I think that, for me, let's go back like maybe a decade. This was I guess in between my two kids being born. , my husband's parents went through a divorce and my mother-in-law had this realization that throughout her 30 year marriage, she did not prioritize her needs.
She was just completely wrapped up in her identity as a mom and a wife. And, throughout the postmortem of their marriage, she struggled with so much regret and it was really hard to watch her go through that because she's an amazing person. But I saw that and realized like, I don't want that for myself.
And it didn't happen overnight, and the thing that like I mentioned earlier, I love so much is being around friends and community. So that was something I really started to prioritize. So while yes, sometimes it feels like my efforts are not always reciprocated or acknowledged, I know that I need community to have a meaningful life.
And if I don't put in the effort, I would be so much more unhappy. But I mean, we are all busy. It's not easy to keep in touch. It's definitely not always convenient to get together, especially in larger groups.
, but for me, it always is worth it and there are studies to back that up. There's so much research on how important friendships are to. Just how long you live in the quality of your life.
Yeah.
And I hear that data and I'm like, yeah, I mean, loneliness and depression, these are all things that we are wrestling with.
As we get older, our kids need us a little bit less and all of a sudden we realize , who are our friends? Or who do we want to be friends with in this next chapter of life? And so for that reason, the same way I'm hitting the gym and trying to strength train and build my muscle, and I am eating protein so that I don't have frail bones , I'm also exercising my friendships and making sure that I'm putting in the time and effort so that.
Later on, I have people , in my life and in my community, and I know we've talked about this or I don't know, maybe I just sent you the Instagram post, but there was this woman, I think her handle is Francesca Psychology. We'll find it, we'll put it in the show notes. She, she posted a couple weeks ago she says everyone wants a village, but no one wants to be a villager. That means everyone wants a strong community for support, but they are not willing to put in the effort and sacrifice required to be a part of it.
Yeah. She has a couple other things on the slide, but I wrote that down 'cause I'm like. This resonates with me. , I'm always asking myself now , what does it look like to be a good villager so that I'm not just when I need a village calling on help, but how am I pouring into this village in the meantime?
I think, speaking of Instagram, Instagram is such a great way to keep in touch with people, but I'm guilty of relying on Instagram stories to like know what's going on in my friends' lives. Yeah. I have a really good friend who just got off Instagram and. The other day I am like, I don't know what's going on with her and she probably doesn't know what's going on with me.
And so, you know, next time I go to the bathroom and I have my phone and I'm just stuck there, I'm like texting like, what's going on with you? Yeah. You know, anywhere you can find a moment to reach out to somebody. I think that we underestimate how much, just making that point of connection can mean , even if you don't have the capacity to make an actual plan where you're gonna get together and do something fun, which I do think is super important.
And having those shared experiences is fulfilling and rewarding. But sometimes that's just not possible with certain friends or in certain seasons of life, and that has to be okay. Mm-hmm. But I think if you take a minute to reach out to each other and say , Hey, I miss you, and when life slows down, I would love to meet up or give me a high low,
gimme two minutes. Best thing of your week, worst thing of your week. Those little points of connection I think can go a really long way in maintaining friendships when work, life, kids, all of that is crazy. And I think also again, just remembering , what do you want to receive in the world?
Like the love languages. We all love the way we wanna be loved. And so for me, I'm acts of service, so that's partially why I love serving people in this way. But , what makes you feel loved? And how can you pour some of that into your friendships to show them how you feel about them.
Yeah.
Two things. Stood out to me. One is that. It is about both the fun, right? Mm-hmm. Checking in, touching base with your friends when things are just normal life. Mm-hmm. Planning karaoke night or whatever it is that you wanna do.
Mm-hmm. And it is about being there for people and being the village. Mm-hmm. And receiving the support as well. That friendships what you and I are talking about, building and creating for ourselves to last us through our lives. Are, are those, both of those things. Mm-hmm. And the other thing that came up for me was thinking back to how you were describing your parents having their game night or whatever.
Mm-hmm. With friends or making things extra that also your kids are seeing. You not only have a really strong community, but they see the effort and the intention that you put into that. And mm-hmm. Someday, as they are going off into the world and becoming their own individuals with their own lives, that they will just think that is normal and that is what everyone does.
You cultivate friendships, you put time and effort and energy into them. And that's, that's a really powerful way to think about it. I find with my clients, anytime we're wanting to make a change, if we think about what we're modeling or what our children are seeing, that's a really powerful motivator. And so if you maybe are listening , and aren't quite where you want things to be in terms of your village or your friendships, that , one, it takes time and it does take effort and energy, but it is really valuable and it is also what we're showing our kids is important.
Yeah,
, it's important to me that they see , that it does take intentionality to get together and, I think it's really important that they see me go off and have time with my friends. I don't really feel guilty anymore about leaving them behind. My husband and I have a rule that if we're out with friends, we don't check in, we don't bother each other so that we can be fully present with whoever we're with.
, we don't complain. That's another thing. So like, if I come home from a girls' night, he's not like, oh my God, the kids were so annoying tonight.
Mm.
We don't do that because I don't need to carry around that guilt. He doesn't need to carry around the guilt. It's just, you know, something that we've incorporated to make it easier for us to go be with our friends.
Yeah, yeah. So I could probably talk to you all day about the significance of friendship and what it means to me and how much fun it is to plan things with my friends.
But yeah, I think everyone should do it so far. I
do too. I, in whatever way makes sense for you. , exactly. We could think of exactly gears in terms exactly of effort and energy and it really can be just as simple. I love that. Gimme a high low from your week. Let's go take a walk. Yeah, let's go grab a coffee to, let's plan a trip or anything more than that.
Which brings me to one thing that you do that I am not a part of yet. Maybe someday I will be, but you have a couple of longstanding friendships that you've had since before I met you, and I love this one in particular and I would like you to talk a little bit about it because coming off of your last soapbox moment, I think it, I.
Feeds really nicely into that idea of the importance of friendships. But you celebrate your friendship anniversaries with a couple of your longstanding friends. And I, correct me if I'm wrong, but I think one such celebration is coming up and it involves like multiple nights Yes. Away to something very fun that that many of us would think of doing with our romantic partners.
Right? Yeah. We would celebrate a wedding anniversary or something big like that. And so how did you come up with this? What is the significance of celebrating a friendship anniversary? I think it's so cool. So fun. I've never heard of anybody else but you do this.
Yeah. Well one of my really, really. Good friend.
She was my first real friend when I moved. I told you I moved in the middle of high school, which was horrible. Don't recommend it if you can help it. It ended up being, you know, great in the end. But, , her and I have been friends for over 20 years, so when we hit that 20 year mark, I thought, let's take a trip.
We spent a weekend in West Palm Beach, Florida. It was amazing to have no husband and no kids for, a good 48 plus hours. And just to be on our own timeline, , we brought pictures from high school and college and just through the years and laughed at the ridiculous outfits we would wear and how we would pose and just sort of reminisced.
And then I have a friend from college and this year technically was our 20th anniversary,
so in January we're going to Cancun and staying at an all inclusive for the weekend. And
so I just thought it'd be nice to have a full weekend where we can reconnect and talk and catch up and just reset and also have lots of downtime.
I, I mean, I just, I love that I think what I love about it so much is that, again, we tend to prioritize certain relationships over others and maybe take friendships at times or in different seasons of our life for granted.
Mm-hmm. Maybe
is what I'm trying to say here. And that to honor in whatever way you can, maybe not everyone can take a trip or, hop on a plane and, and do something big like that, but. Toasting with a glass of champagne, if that's your thing, or a dinner, or just something that pauses in our very busy lives to commemorate.
We have known each other for 10 years or five years, or 20 or 25 years and have maintained a friendship through all of that.
Mm-hmm.
What an amazing thing. We should celebrate and honor and recognize that
absolutely. And in some ways I think it's almost harder to maintain a friendship than it is a marriage because you're living with a person and so much of what you are going through is connected. When you don't live close to somebody, it is a lot harder to maintain. And yeah, I think it's absolutely worth celebrating.
Yeah. There's a theme here. In a previous episode, talking with our mutual friend Lauren, she talked about the importance of having the next thing on the calendar.
Yeah. I really resonated with that when she shared that. She was like, my friend and I, we don't leave dinner until we planned the next thing.
And I love that.
Yeah. And so there is a theme here of not just being proactive and having something to look forward to, but that we are really busy.
Mm-hmm.
And if you don't stop now and put something, even if it's 2, 3, 4 months out on the calendar. That time will fly by.
Mm-hmm.
And next thing you know, a whole year will have passed and you won't have spent time or connected with someone.
And so, yeah,
I don't mean to, I don't want this to sound like I am shaming anyone. This is just a challenge that I would pose to people who are struggling to connect, meet up with friends, that sort of thing. I think that so many of us, if our kid came to us and said, Hey, can so-and-so come over?
We wouldn't think twice about texting the parent. Figuring out, yeah. The logistics of Are you coming to our house? Am I dropping them off? , rearranging your schedule to make it happen. I mean. We literally wouldn't think twice. True. Is my assumption true, but when it comes to our own friendships, we don't give ourselves that same
consideration. Yeah. Consideration.
I know. Yeah. And so I just would love for more people to think about it from that perspective. If you would put in the effort for your child, you should put in the effort for yourself because you deserve it just as much, I think that when I go spend time with friends or do something that's for myself with a friend, even if it's just something like meeting up for a walk, I actually think of that as an act of love for my kids because I'm filling my cup and I'm gonna come back and be a better parent and a better partner to them.
And I'm showing them what it looks like to be an adult that has a balanced. Calendar. Mm-hmm. I want them to know how you can manage that and that it is possible. So, yeah. I, like I said, I really don't want anyone to feel bad. I don't want that to sound like a shameful observation, but I think it's a good reminder that so many times we would not even think twice about doing the same thing for our kids, but we won't do it for ourselves.
And when you really pull back the curtain on that, it doesn't make any sense. We should absolutely be treating ourselves to coffee dates and walks and girls nights and, matinee movies and whatever it looks like for you. Whatever's fun for you.
Yeah, yeah.
And that is so true. When my youngest, the other weekend said, I wanna have Franklin over for a play date. Our calendar is really busy right now, but I'm looking around, like, there has to be a two or three hour window somewhere.
I'm gonna make it work. And you're right. We just don't do that for ourselves. We don't think it's important or it takes too much energy, or we're too tired or we're too busy already.
Mm-hmm.
And for the introverts out there like me, it's not always the thing that gives me energy.
I do love my solitude to, to recharge, but I never regret spending time with a friend. And I'm so grateful for my extroverted friends like you and Lauren. You need that. And forced me to come out, , from under the covers where I'm reading my books. Well, and you
just reminded me of something else that I will just slip in here that I think is important.
I know that for some people it's really hard to make friends as an adult.
Hmm.
And something I've tried to do over the last couple of years is identify people in my social circle or bubble or whatever, whether it's other parents at school or clients or whatever, who I'm like kind of interested in like I like something about them.
I want to find more things that we have in common. Or I'm going to try something new to see if I like it so that I can be friends with this person. So what I'm getting at is I knew you were a reader. I really wanted to be your friend for many years, when we were more just like kind of acquaintances.
And I remember the one year we were doing our morning walks. I was like, I, I might try reading.
I'm not really a reader,
but we just joined a pool, so maybe you can suggest a romcom. You recommended book Lovers by Emily Henry. And it completely changed not only the trajectory of my life because I fell in love with reading, but I also think it forged this friendship because all of a sudden I had something in common with you that you were passionate about that we could talk about.
Yeah.
And you were never gonna force reading on me. I had to make a choice of like, I really like Katelyn. This is something she likes. Maybe I'll try picking up a book and just see how it goes. And now you're hooked. And now I'm hooked and I'm really grateful for that. But that took effort or vulnerability on my part to be like, I'm gonna try something new.
Yeah. And see if this can forge a connection that could look like showing up at a pickleball court and seeing if you can make some friendships there. Or going to a yoga class by yourself. Yeah. Or whatever. I mean for, especially for the introvert, sometimes finding those like quiet activities mm-hmm.
There knitting group you can join or something. Or a new skill you can learn to forge a path for you to meet somebody. Yes. , or grow a friendship. So I love that. I think that's worth mentioning too.
Absolutely. I love that so much. I had kind of forgotten about that. And then from there, we have found so many other things in common from Yeah.
Doing painting candles to working out puzzles. I would sees you were doing
puzzles on Instagram and I'm like, oh,
I
like puzzles.
I like puzzles. Puzzles. Or trying something new with someone, right. To like, Hey, we might hate this thing, but let's go try this class or this event or whatever. And at least we're doing it together.
, that's such a great point. I'm glad, I'm glad you made that. Yeah. Well, I'm grateful for our friendship. I appreciate all that you do. If I haven't said that enough, it's a great reminder for me as someone who is not often the initiator, to show appreciation to my friends that are, because I'm so grateful for that.
And I'm also grateful that you took time to be on the podcast today. It was so fun. Thank you. No, this was fun.
Alright, Brooke. I'm sure I will talk with you soon.
Okay, bye.
Thank you for listening and as always, for being a part of this working mom community. You can find everything related to this episode in the show notes at themothernurture.com/podcast,
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