Episode 64: You’re Not Failing—Your Tools Just Need an Update
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
If you’ve ever thought, “I used to be so organized… what happened?” — this episode is for you.
Katelyn shares a relatable story (involving a hairdryer) to illustrate why the time management tools that used to work might work not anymore — and why that’s not your fault. Learn how to reset your expectations, update your systems, and give yourself permission to evolve with your life.
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
Submit your application for Beyond Balance (enrollment open until 8/12)
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What if there was an instruction manual that could walk you through exactly what you need to do to get things done with plenty of time? No more feeling behind on your to-do list, working extra or staying up late to get caught up. Just a simple process that you can do no matter how busy you are or what you've got going on in your working mom life.
Well, there's a solution for that, and it's called Beyond Balance. This is my 12 week time training and coaching program where I teach you the skill of prioritizing and planning so you can create more space in your working mom schedule and finally get things done. No complicated multi-step processes and no drastic changes to your life like quitting your job or outsourcing everything, just realistic strategies that actually work.
And fit into your busy life. If you're ready to get things done while feeling more relaxed about time, go to themothernurture.com/beyond-balance. Today, applications are open for the fall cohort, but only until August 12th.
That's themothernurture.com/beyond-balance. All right, let's get to the show.
📍 You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. How are you this week? I hope you're doing well.
Now that our vacation is over and we're just kind of doing daily life as you do toward the end of summer, before we head back for school, I find myself excited about little things, which I guess is a good way to be. And the latest thing that I am very excited about is that I got a new hairdryer last week.
I know I, I told you it was the little things, which if you could have heard my last hairdryer, you would be rolling your eyes right now and saying something like, finally, finally, you got a new hairdryer. My husband is actually. One of those people who's really good at fixing things, like he will tinker with something trying to fix it before he'll replace it.
I mean, I can remember when he took apart our kids' Nerf guns. He watched YouTube videos and had them in a million pieces on the kitchen counter and was actually able to fix it. So when my hair dryer started sounding. Really sad. I brought it to him. I brought it to him on a silver platter and I thought, oh, he'll be able to fix it.
And he did clean it and took it apart as best he could, but he ultimately handed it back to me and said, I think it's time. I think it's time to replace it, and I will miss that old hair dryer. But wow. Do I love my new one. If you wanna know what I got, I can't think of the name of it off the top of my head, but send me a message.
I am no influencer by any means, but when I find something that I like, I'm always happy to share. Anyway. I was reflecting while I was drying my hair, which now only takes me like three minutes. I timed myself. I was reflecting on how I need different tools now for my hair now that it is going gray. And I know this is a podcast, so you can't see me right now.
So before you age me completely, I just wanna say for the record that I have been going gray for a long time. I would say I'm pretty young to be as gray as I am, though my children certainly have helped me along on that timeline. Plus I have dark hair, naturally, like very dark brown hair and you just can't.
Hide gray with dark hair without coloring it. Anyway, I, I do miss my dark hair from time to time, but for the most part, , I'm happy with my gray. I just can't be bothered to go get it colored. I do not judge those who do , it definitely crosses my mind from time to time, but just not for me right now. I may change my mind in the future.
Who knows? This gray hair is totally different in terms of texture than anything I've experienced before. And so the products and hair tools that used to work for my stick straight, fine, somewhat silky hair just do not work as well. Now on what I would say is more coarse, somewhat unruly.
Gray hair. The hair game has changed for me. And so what used to work could still do some of the job. Sure. But it's certainly not going to make my life easy by using the things that used to work on what has clearly changed for me. And I think about this when it comes to time management and admin organization processes that used to work before kids.
I have had clients and working moms say, I used to be good at this. I used to be so organized or I used to never have trouble with procrastination. I used to be able to make a list for the day and just get through it. No problem. Maybe you've had some of the same thoughts when you were a young professional, or maybe just before you had kids, you probably had more time.
You. Kept a list. You managed your calendar, your professional, and your social calendar. You would tackle projects, head on work for long bursts of time with lots of focused energy. You were maybe not late or rushing or missing deadlines. You didn't feel scattered. You had goals and you made progress, and you didn't forget things.
Now, maybe with some age, and just the fact that you have another person or two, or three or more to take care of, nothing is the same. I know it can feel discouraging. I felt that way. I know these clients who've said these things to me feel that way. And you might have thoughts of, well, what happened to me?
Or What's wrong with me? Or maybe you just continue to double down on the strategies that used to work. You buy a new copy of the planner that you used to use, or you keep using the same app that you've had for forever, but you just clean it out and reorganize it and hope that that gets you back to where you were.
But it's not you. It's nothing that you're necessarily doing wrong, it's just that the game has changed, your circumstances have changed drastically. Just like my hair has changed, I can continue to force myself to use the tools and the products that I've known that are familiar to me, that I know used to work.
Or I can accept that my hair is different now and it's time to relearn how to care for it and how to style it. When you go from managing just yourself or managing just yourself, your house and your partner maybe, or you go from managing life with one kid to life with two or from two to three, the puzzle pieces are all different.
The puzzle itself is bigger. There are more pieces on the board. There's more to manage in the same amount of time that you had when it was just you. And so how you think about your time, how you plan for and manage your time, the expectations that you have of your time and what you'll get done in the time that you have.
It all has to change. You might not like hearing that, but accepting it is one of the best things you can do. It's one of the best things you can do to acknowledge and accept it. I was coaching a client just today actually, who is being called back into the office an additional day each week. Part of our coaching today was to think through those changes, to acknowledge that it's coming.
Whether she likes it or not. Spoiler, she does not like it. And to, then reset expectations, right? So what is that going to do now to her schedule? How is that going to change her mornings? How will it impact her evenings at home? What was she doing on those days when she works from home that she won't be able to do anymore?
And we started to think through each of these questions and come up with solutions, potential solutions. It would be unrealistic to think that after being out of the house all day and commuting home, that she would come home and cook an elaborate meal from a new cookbook like she can do now when she's working from home and has zero commute.
Or it would be unrealistic to think that she could do as many loads of laundry as she's doing now when she's not, you know, just in the next room over and can walk over to pull the clothes from the washer to the dryer. In between her calls, the problems happen when you say, well, I used to be so on top of laundry.
I don't know what's wrong with me. Or I'm always so behind on laundry now. Ugh. Instead of recognizing that, oh, I'm not working from home as much anymore, that makes so much sense that I'm not able to do as many loads as I could before. What could I do now to get some help with the laundry? Or do I need to maybe do multiple loads on the days when I am still working from home?
What needs to change now that my circumstances have changed?
Telling yourself, you used to be so organized or on top of things, or productive or proactive, it's not helping.
It just creates shame and guilt and disappointment. Instead, acknowledge that things have changed. You're now responsible for so much more. You have more to remember now. You have more to take care of. And so the systems that you used before, the routines or the processes that used to work probably aren't going to work here, just gonna be honest, or they aren't going to work without some updates.
And the best thing you can do is acknowledge that and then start to experiment. Ask yourself, what's not getting done now that used to be easy? Or what tends to fall through the cracks? What parts of my day feel chaotic or stressful? Where do I feel like I'm falling behind?
Name those things. Shine a light on them. Bring them forward and look at them and then get really curious. What about following through on that thing? Feels hard. Or if that part of my day felt easier, what would it look like or what could help me remember that thing that I seem to always forget? Or if my memory is not as good as it used to be, because there's just so much more to remember now.
What could I do to support myself? Stop comparing your present day circumstances to what you used to be able to do. I can miss my dark brown hair, but that's not going to bring it back. Only a bottle can do that, and unfortunately, I don't know of a similar bottled solution for your time.
Again, the game has changed. Your puzzle has gotten bigger with more pieces and more to manage, and so you need a bigger board.
You need an updated strategy for sorting and putting those pieces together. You need updated expectations and an updated strategy. The good news is you have proof that you can do it. You used to do it. You used to be organized. You used to not have a problem with procrastination, so you can figure it out again.
You are still you. That's the good news, and all you have to do now is examine what's not working today and then start experimenting with a new way, with maybe some updated tools. If you want support setting up a new process with new tools to help you get organized and manage your time and your to-do list, I would encourage you to consider applying for Beyond Balance.
My 12 week time training and coaching program where we will help you. Update all of those processes and strategies and ways to be organized so that they actually fit your life today. Enrollment is open right now for the fall cohort, but only until August 12th. You can head to themother nurture.com/interest to submit your application today.
All right, until the next episode. I hope you take care. We'll talk soon.
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