When Will I Feel Like Myself Again?: Navigating the Journey of Motherhood and Rediscovering Your Identity
When will I feel like myself again?
Those exact words send hundreds of people to my website each month from a google search.
Not to mention it's question I regularly coach working moms on how to find the answer.
In fact, I think I typed that same question into a google search bar in the middle of the night while up nursing one of my three kids.
If you're a mom, and especially a working mom, you've likely asked yourself the same thing at some point.
Whether you're in the thick of sleepless nights with a newborn, trying to juggle work and home responsibilities, or simply feeling like the version of yourself you once knew is lost in the mundane chores of daily life, you're not alone. It's a common question, and one that many women find themselves asking, often in the quiet of the night when everything feels overwhelming.
I hope this article doesn't just normalize what you're feeling, but also helps you think about some actionable steps you can take to start feeling more like yourself — whatever you decide that means.
The Struggle Is Real: When Life Changes Forever
I don't have to tell you that motherhood is a transformative experience. The moment you become a parent, your life is forever altered — your time, your energy, your priorities, and even your sense of self. For many women, the physical, emotional, and mental shifts feel like a whirlwind. And while some of these changes can be beautiful, there’s also a sense of loss — the loss of a version of yourself that was freer, less tired, and maybe a little more relaxed.
I know that for me, after I had my oldest son, I found myself missing a lot of things. I was thrilled to be a mom, but I also mourned the parts of my old life that I couldn’t quite access anymore.
I missed having uninterrupted time for myself, being able to enjoy my hobbies, or even just having a conversation without distractions. And I definitely missed feeling like the person I was before motherhood — the fun, carefree version who could go out for dinner or jump on an impromptu trip. I thought that going back to work would bring me back to the "old Katelyn" — that being back at work would be like slipping back into who I was.
But I soon realized that "feeling like myself again" was not as simple as going back to my old routines or reclaiming old habits.
The Myth of "Getting Back to Normal"
One of the biggest myths out there is that we can go back to how things were. We want to feel like ourselves again, but often, the reality is that we’ve changed. Our bodies, our schedules, our identities have shifted, and trying to get back to a past version of ourselves may not be the answer.
Whether you're a new mom or a seasoned parent, the journey of "finding yourself" is often less about returning to who you were and more about creating who you are now. The old you doesn’t have to be gone forever, but she might look a little different in this new phase of life.
So, when you ask yourself, "When will I feel like myself again?" what you're really asking is, "How do I reconcile the person I used to be with the person I am becoming?"
The Power of Creating Your Next Version of Yourself
Here’s the good news: feeling like yourself again is 100% in your control. It’s not about waiting for the "perfect" moment or when everything settles down (spoiler alert: that moment may never come). It's about being intentional and creative with how you show up in your life today.
A key exercise I like to use with my clients is called the Venn Diagram of You. It’s a powerful tool that helps you reconnect with the parts of yourself you’ve lost — and begin to reintegrate them into your current life. This is an exercise I come back to again and again because it helps me shift my mindset from feeling lost to feeling empowered and purposeful.
➡️ Click here to download your own copy of this exercise!
Here's how it works:
Reflect on the "Old You": On the left side of the Venn diagram, list all the things you loved about yourself before motherhood. What did you do in your free time? What made you feel alive? Think about your hobbies, interests, and routines. Did you love hiking, trying new restaurants, or spending time with friends? Were you more spontaneous or into creative activities?
Reflect on the "New You": On the right side of the diagram, list the aspects of your life now, today. What does your life look like as a working mom? What have you had to give up or adjust to accommodate your new responsibilities? Perhaps you're exhausted, your social life has changed, and you no longer have the luxury of time for yourself. Be honest and specific here.
Find the Intersection: The middle part of the diagram, where the two circles intersect, is where the magic happens. This is where you can begin to reconnect with the old version of yourself while embracing the new version. For example, if you used to love hiking but now have a baby, could you find a way to incorporate shorter walks into your routine, or take your baby on nature walks? If you miss socializing, could you invite friends over for a casual get-together at home?
This intersection is where you get creative. It’s not about doing everything exactly as you did before but about finding ways to make space for what you loved in a way that fits into your current life.
Taking Action: Prioritizing What Makes You Feel Alive
Once you’ve completed your Venn diagram, the next step is to take action. Look at the intersection and ask yourself: What small changes can I make today to reconnect with the things that make me feel alive?
Here are some examples:
If you miss dressing up, could you invest in a few fun, comfortable outfits that fit your new reality (think nursing-friendly, easy to clean)?
If you miss having "me time," could you schedule just 30 minutes a week to read a book or enjoy a cup of tea by yourself (even if you don't leave the house)?
If you miss having adventures, could you take a family day trip to explore a nearby town or park without having to pack all the gear for an overnight?
Making time for yourself, even in small doses, is essential to rediscovering who you are. It’s easy to get lost in the day-to-day grind of work, chores, and parenting, but by intentionally carving out space for activities that make you feel like you, you’re getting reconnected to the passions and interests that have always been a part of you.
Creating Your Next Version of You
Ultimately, this process isn’t about finding yourself again. It’s about creating your next version. Yes, you’ve changed — but that’s okay. Motherhood has undoubtedly shaped you, but the essence of who you are is still there, waiting to be reimagined. You are not lost; you are evolving.
As a working mom, you can embrace the beautiful, complex, multifaceted person you are today, and by taking small, intentional steps to prioritize the things that bring you joy, you can feel more connected to yourself than ever.
If you’re ready to create your next version of you, start by downloading the Venn Diagram of You exercise and begin exploring what makes you feel alive. You are worth the time and effort it takes to reconnect with yourself.
And give yourself permission to feel however you need to feel in this season of life. There’s no timeline for when you’ll "feel like yourself again." It’s a journey, and the more you embrace that process with curiosity, the more you’ll discover about who you are becoming.
Remember, you’re not just mom — you’re a whole person, with desires, passions, and interests that are worth nurturing. Reclaiming those parts of yourself may take time, but you’ve got the power to make it happen.
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If you're in the early stages of motherhood or in a season of transition, living between your old self and your new self, download the Venn Diagram of You worksheet to help you create a vision for who you are becoming.