No matter what season of work or parenting I'm here, there's a universal truth I’ve come to learn the hard way: we are not meant to do it all alone. And yet, if you're anything like the working moms I talk to, asking for help feels hard. It's not something most of us feel comfortable doing. So we opt to figure it out and do it ourselves, which often leads to exhaustion, overwhelm, and resentment.

Why Is Asking for Help So Hard?

Let’s just name it: most of us, especially moms, have a hard time asking for help. We’ve been handed a million subtle (and not-so-subtle) messages about what it means to be a “good” mom—strong, selfless, competent, always giving, never needing.

We’ve absorbed beliefs like:

If I ask for help, it means I’m failing.
Everyone is busy. I don’t want to be a burden.
If I can’t reciprocate, I shouldn’t ask.
I don’t even know what I’d ask for.
This isn’t that bad. I can figure it out on my own.

Do any of those sound familiar?

They do for me! I'm thinking of the newborn days, tough seasons in my career, or when one of my kids was pretty sick and we were barely keeping our heads above water. I’d tell myself, “I’ve got this. I’ll just power through.” And sure, I survived. But did it have to be so hard?

Rewriting the Story Around Help

Somewhere along the way, we started treating help like a limited resource. Like asking for help means we’ve used up a favor that we can never get back. But here’s what I’ve learned:

Help is not finite. And support is not a score on a scorecard.

No one’s tracking how many times you’ve asked. And if they are? That might say more about them than it does about you.

Because here’s what actually happens when you ask for help—when you give someone the opportunity to show up for you:

They say yes if they can.
They feel good about being there for you.
It strengthens your relationship.

So How Do You Learn to Ask for Help

If you're feeling unsure about how to ask for help or what to say, you’re not alone. Here are a few things that have helped me practice the skill of asking for help:

1. There’s No “Right” Time

Waiting for the “right” moment or the most critical time to ask for help is a recipe for burnout. If you feel the nudge now, if you know something would be easier with support, it's the right time. There is no qualifier or threshold your request needs to pass in order to be valid. It is because you decide it is!

2. Other Adults Are Allowed to Say No

Your job is simply to ask. And their job is to decide whether or not they can help. A no doesn’t mean you were wrong to ask. It just means they can’t this time—and that’s okay.

3. Be Specific

The more specific you are, the easier it is for someone to say yes (or no) with clarity and confidence. Instead of “Let me know if you can help,” try:

“Could you pick up a few things for me at Costco this week?”
“Can you drive my son to camp tomorrow?”
“Would you be open to watching the kids for an hour on Friday so I can catch up on work?”

When my son was sick, people asked how they could help. At first, I drew a blank. But then I realized: someone could drop off a coffee. Or loan us a puzzle. Or grab snacks from Trader Joe’s. Small things that were easy for others to say yes to, but felt huge for us.

4. Say Thank You (and Mean It)

Whether it’s a text, a voice note, or a handwritten card, let people know their help mattered. “That hour changed my day.” “You have no idea what that coffee meant to me.” or “Having our favorite snacks made this week so much more manageable." It doesn't have to be much to make the other person feel valued.

Normalize Asking. Normalize Receiving. Normalize Helping.

Here’s the part that I want us all to think about: when you ask for help, you give other women permission to do the same.

You break the cycle of doing everything yourself. You show that strength doesn’t mean doing it alone. You live the message that we are not meant to white-knuckle our way through motherhood, just surviving.

In just the past few days, I’ve:

Asked my sister-in-law to grab things at Costco.
Asked my husband to handle bedtime so I could catch up on work.
Asked a neighbor for a ride to camp.

And you know what? It felt so good. I’m not pretending to be superhuman. I’m just a working mom doing her best, building her village.

If you’re in a season where you have the capacity to give help—do it. Not to repay a favor. Not to keep score. Just because you can. Whether it’s holding a newborn while a friend showers or texting a neighbor to say, “I’ve got room in my car for drop-off,” it all matters.