Episode 100: My Working Mom Story: The Journey Behind This Podcast
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
This week marks 100 episodes of The Life Coach for Working Moms Podcast. 🎉
To celebrate, my coach Steph Crowder is joining me on the podcast — but this time she’s the one asking the questions.
We talk about my journey as a working mom, from corporate sales to starting my coaching business, what balancing work and family really looks like day-to-day, and the lessons I’ve learned after more than a decade of working motherhood.
It’s a behind-the-scenes conversation about ambition, motherhood, and what it really takes to start something and keep going.
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
Follow Steph on Instagram at @heystephcrowder
Learn more at Steph's website: https://stephcrowder.com/
-
You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Hey everyone. Welcome back to another episode of the podcast and not just any episode of the podcast. This is my 100th. I cannot believe it. So excited and proud of myself that I made it here today and I have a special treat planned for this episode. So today I am actually joined by.
My coach, Steph Crowder, and she is here to not just help me celebrate this huge milestone, which I do have to thank her and her encouragement and coaching for this even to be a thing. But, , for me to turn the tables a little bit and have her interview me and share some of my behind the scenes story and path of how I got to where we are today.
Not just with a hundred episodes of the podcast, but as a working mom myself, running my own business, all of the things. So I'm so excited to have you, Steph. Thanks so much for joining me.
Katelyn, thank you so much for being up for this. This was a little idea that we had, and it is my honor to get to interview you and turn the tables for your 100th episode.
First of all, can you even believe it's been a hundred episodes when you posted that in our Mastermind community? I was like, I cannot believe it's been 100.
I cannot either. I really, I remember so clearly it was summer, so the idea started, I wanna say like in June. And you were like, you know, you just need to go for it.
Mm-hmm. Just do it.
Mm-hmm.
And I thought, okay, if I started in the summer, I think you and I agreed I would commit to doing it through the end of the calendar year. So it was like, okay, I can do that through December. If I'm not loving it, if people aren't receiving it, well, any of those stories, I can always walk away, but at the very least I'll have said I tried and I don't think I've missed a week since.
I love it. It's amazing. I think this is gonna be such a great conversation for your people. First of all, hi Katelyn's people. Whether you've been here since the beginning or you're a new listener, Katelyn has these amazing conversations with other working moms about being a working mom. But it is a rare treat to get to hear.
Her tell her own story of what it's like to be a working mom with a podcast, a working mom who's going after really big, ambitious goals. So I just think this is gonna be such a, a rich conversation and I'm excited to interview you.
Thank you. And, and can we just say
you yourself are also a working mom. Yes. Also a podcasting mom. So there's so much that we have in common there as well.
Yes. I will just do a quick intro so people know me. My name is Steph Crowder. Like Katelyn said, I have been. Well, my oldest is turning 10, which I, you can't believe it. You have a hundred podcast episodes.
I can't believe I almost have a 10-year-old. Wanting to start a family is the reason that I started a business. I left my corporate job. I was a sales training director at Groupon in Chicago, and I was like. Listening to podcasts of people who were making money on the internet, which was a really weird thing back in 20 14, 20 15, and I was like, let me see if I can, figure this out for myself.
And 10 years later, I'm here and I get to work with amazing, amazing business owners like Katelyn in my mastermind called Sold Out Group Programs where I help entrepreneurs with all different kinds of businesses figure out how to start, sell out, and scale their group. Offers. So that is what I do. I have a podcast called
the Courage and Clarity podcast. If you're an entrepreneur or entrepreneur, curious, you can check it out. And then I'm also on Instagram @HeyStephCrowder. If you find me through Caitlyn's show, please come say hello. I love when people reach out on Instagram. So this is a little bit about me.
I love it.
And we're not far from each other either. I'm in Cincinnati. You're down in Louisville. Just a couple hours. Yes, couple hours south of me. I know. Yeah, it's so fun.
I love it. And fellow, , romantic book lovers.
Oh yeah. We could even go there actually. That's my fun story. I've been following Steph for a long time.
I think I, I've talked pretty openly about how I believe in the power of coaching. I've always had my own coach and have worked with different coaches in different seasons of my life, but I was ready for some more business support as I. Had some big goals that I wanted to achieve, and it was Steph's post about a court of thorns and roses and her obsession of reading these fantasy books that sealed the deal for me.
I was like, all right, if she's a reader and that's her genre, I'm all in. She has
to be, you
know,
that's so instructive. Like put quick, real quick, like putting yourself out there in the world. You never know what it's gonna be and it's like just post your silly little things. I love that advice. You just never know who you're gonna connect with or what opportunities are gonna come your way when you just have the courage to be kind of a weirdo online.
Or in real life too.
Or in real life. That too.
I know everyone listening here, you know, maybe doesn't do a social media platform like Steph and I do, but I mean, yeah. At the PTO meeting, at the pickup line. Mm-hmm. Like, yeah. Heck yes. I'm reading that.
I love it. So good. Okay, Katelyn, let's, let's dive in.
I wanna hear more, I mean, obviously I know a lot about your business, but I'm personally, selfishly excited to just hear more about your journey and what life is like for you as a working mom. So let's just start at the beginning. So you've been a mom for 11 years and you've been working that entire time.
So for anyone who's newer to you, or o obviously it's been a hundred episodes, we could all probably use a refresher. Walk us through what your career has looked like, like how it's evolved over those years, and, , the work that you do today as a life and executive coach for working moms.
So, yes. 11 years, and you're right, I've worked the entire time. That was never a question that I had of like, did I wanna go back to work? I. Did wanna go back to work. And partly because my maternity leaves were not a walk in the park. They were exhausting and draining and I missed using that part of me.
I also really closely linked my identity with my profession as well. And so when my oldest was born actually I had all three of my children while working at the same corporate. It was a software company and at the time. I was working in traditional nine to five. I was in the office five days a week and did my 12 week mat leave.
Came back to work and gosh, I have to remember with each child there was a huge shakeup as companies like to do. Mm-hmm. You remember like restructuring, right? Let's constant restructure. Let's merge, let's acquire you have a new job. So I think it was after he was born, I came back to a new role and a new manager, and funny enough, I ended up on the sales team.
So I had never been someone in sales. I was always more on the training, implementation, customer success side of technology. And so I got thrust into the sales role because it was, take this or. You don't have a job.
Mm.
And so I had to learn that while I was sleep deprived and figuring out how to affix my pump parts and all of the things.
Mm-hmm.
And I'll run through the rest of the story. Had my daughter a little over two years later at the same company. There was another shift with another acquisition and a new team. When I came back from work there, we were still in the office full-time. And then as I was inching toward my third child, , being born, I started to think about wanting a different role.
I was tired of the travel, I was tired of the quotas. It was a lot of pressure and long story short, , after I returned, I did switch teams and I went into our product management team, which required a lot less travel. And at that point we were heading into COVID and our local office shutdown after another acquisition, everyone went, went remote.
So all that to say, I know what it's like. To work a nine to five to drop your kids at daycare or leave them with the nanny to travel, to pump to all of those things. And it wasn't until, oh, let me get the years right, my youngest was almost four, maybe it was between three and four, that I had the guts to finally turn in my resignation and become a coach full time.
Mm-hmm. Up until that point I'd been doing both.
Yeah. Gosh. How did you, how, okay, so also you went through certification during that time? Mm-hmm. During, when was that in the process?
Yeah, so actually I started my, let's say I, I put quotes, quote unquote, business after my daughter was born, which was at the end of 2016, so let's say 2017.
And I started writing articles, blog posts on a website. Mm.
Mm-hmm.
I had this idea that I couldn't find anyone out there who was mentoring, working moms, who really understood what it was like and who didn't have the goal of, exiting the workforce.
Right.
Like, I, I want, I wanted to see someone who could support me with all of the challenges of juggling everything, but whose goal wasn't to stay at home.
Mm-hmm.
Full respect for anyone whose choice that is. That just wasn't mine.
Yeah.
And so I started to mentor, like I asked, , friends of friends, do you know anyone who might be interested in getting some help? Balancing work and life and what that looks like.
Mm-hmm.
And so alongside writing, I started to mentor 'cause I was not certified at that time to coach.
I hired my own coach to get a taste of what that was like. I absolutely fell in love with it. And I started to slowly build out what is today my six month one-on-one coaching program, but then started as mentorship, and, and all of the things as you do, you learn so much along the way.
Mm-hmm.
And I was seeing those clients either on my lunch break in my car, or in the evenings after my kids went to bed.
Hmm. How did you feel during that time? I mean, I'm sure it was so busy and how Must have been exciting too.
It was so exciting. You're right. When I look back on it now, I'm like. How did I do that?
I know, right?
Right. I wasn't sleeping well. You have little kids who need you all the time when they're awake. You have a full-time job that does require a lot of you. And I was building and writing and doing these things, and my progress was slow. I mean, it took me years.
Mm-hmm.
But you're right, it was exciting.
It was that thing that made me feel alive again.
Yeah.
Yeah. And I didn't wanna give that up.
Can we talk a little bit about that? Because you shared something a few minutes ago that it kind of felt like a, like a splash of cold water to the face, like in a, in a good way. I was like, wow. It's really refreshing to hear you kind of said it as you were going by really casual that for you.
It was never a question that you wanted to continue working. This is obviously such a huge conversation and it's been really interesting for me, like as a elder millennial on TikTok, like watching the younger generation, there's a lot of conversation about stay at home moms and versus working. I mean, that's always been a huge conversation, but it's interesting to see the next generation grappling with that.
And I think, can I just say a little controversial? I would say the stay at home mom life is even being glamorized in a new way with the younger generation. That's been really interesting to watch. Mm. I know for me that I felt this, like hearing you say that I felt I relate and I felt the same way that I was like.
I love my children and being a mom has been like the gift of my life. And also, I love talking to adults. I love solving adult problems. I love using myself up in that good way where it's like I put, my brain on really interesting problems. And I also feel like I grappled with some. Shame around that.
When I was having my children and I was raised by a stay-at-home mom, my husband was raised by a stay-at-home mom, so I didn't really have a template or an archetype to look up to. I kind of felt like something was weird about me. Maybe I had some other people in my family, cousins, really ambitious female cousins who are kind of on similar path and certainly some peers.
But it was a little bit of a jarring experience to be like, oh, this is a clear departure from the women who came before me, and that feels kind of strange. So I guess I was just curious if at the time, like you, you said it was such conviction now that you were like, you know, I always knew this about myself.
Is that something that you, did you have any struggle or shame around that? Or were you like, this is my stake in the ground and I feel really good about it?
We could talk about this for the rest of the episode. I am like so in on this conversation, just chomping at the bit, I don't have all the answers, but I love to think about this question.
Yeah, so what's interesting to compare our stories, which I hear yours a lot.
Mm-hmm.
My mom was a teacher. So not a corporate job, like what I had, but she did work nine months of the year. I went to school in her building for elementary. My husband's mom stayed home for a little while, but always knew she would go back to work and she did.
And then actually she went back to graduate school at the same time we were an undergrad. We were in at the same time. Right. So we both had this model of what it looks like to have a dual income household. Though I did grow up thinking that all adults got their summers off obviously that's not reality.
That was a challenge. I didn't have a template for what that looked like.
Yeah.
But I also was just really fortunate and, and I don't know how this came to be, but. When I started at that software company where I was for those 10 years, , before and during my kids being born, I was surrounded by other women.
Of about my age, who are all growing families. I've had a number of them on the podcast as well because they influenced me so much.
Hmm.
And I also, when we moved to Cincinnati, I'm not from here, but when we moved here, we landed in a neighborhood full of other young professionals. We were the first to have kids and within a year after my oldest was born.
Everyone else did as well, and they all went back to work.
Hmm.
So I also was in, and I, I totally recognize this, I had a lot of examples. Yeah. I had a lot of templates and I was in a bubble or a community of people where that is what you did. And I do wonder a lot of times the influence that that had on my conviction and the fact that I.
Didn't really, I can honestly say I didn't really grapple too much with wanting to return. I will say with each subsequent birth, it was harder and harder to go back. And I will say after my third was born, I did have thoughts of what would it be like if I stayed home.
Yeah. Yeah.
That was Where
do think that that
was jarring for me.
I bet. I was like,
whoa, what
is, well, that's what I was gonna ask. Where do you think that came from?
I think, you know, I don't know if you felt like this, but you learn so much with each child. Mm-hmm. I was so uptight with my first, and I was so relaxed with my third
mm.
And I was not gonna have, he, he was a little bit of a surprise I was not gonna have anymore after that.
And, and yeah, just feeling like maybe I wanted to slow down a little bit. And, and three kids is no joke either.
Yeah.
I think that's, I think that's like that perspective, that last baby that I'm more relaxed and Yeah. What would it, what, what else might be possible here?
Hmm. That's, it's so interesting.
Pivoting a little bit here, I'm really curious because you know, when I have conversations with you, we talk about all about business, but I wanna hear a little bit more about what a day in the life looks like for you with your work, your childcare, to your point. Like, I have two kids. You have three.
I have, I saw something funny online the other day 'cause a lot of my friends have three. Something I saw they said with kids two is two and three is 10. And I feel like from what I've observed from friends, that appears to be the case. I was one of three as well, and it was, who are you? It was chaotic growing up.
Yeah.
So what does, like, how do you manage your schedule? I, I'm such a nerd on time management and like how you're managing all the things that you have going on, especially as the kids are getting older. Like I'm in that season two, we have sports, so what does a day in your life look like?
Yeah. A day in the life. You know, this is such an interesting question to answer because I have, and I know we'll continue to go through so many different iterations of what this looks like. When I think back on my corporate days where I was getting up at the crack of dawn and having to drop kids at daycare or preschool and then drive to an office and then come home and walk in the door at five or five 30 and get dinner and to bedtime, right?
I look now at my schedule and I think, wow, how luxurious, and I feel just as busy.
Mm-hmm. In different
ways. Yeah. So. I mean, on an average day. And everybody says that all days look different, and I think that's so true with parents. You just never know what's gonna happen.
Mm-hmm.
Yep. My kids are now for this one year, all at the same school next year, that will change.
And we have a late start, so they don't start school until nine. 10.
Mm-hmm. Which
makes our mornings feel really long, which has its downsides because I feel like I can't take my first client session until nine 30. Right. I'm in charge of drop off. But I am able to get a lot done in my morning, so I'm able to wake up.
I usually get up around six 30. I have a whole exercise routine. Some mornings I'm meeting a friend at the gym. Others I'm working out in the basement. Couple mornings a week. I meet neighbors for a 45 minute walk around the neighborhood. I do all sorts of things in the morning, and I'm able to do that before my kids even wake up.
Hmm. Then once they're up, I am getting myself showered, dressed, and ready. Even though I work from home. I like to put on my hard pants and makeup every morning. That's just me hard pants. That's one of my corporate holdovers. I just can't get rid of it. I'm packing lunches. I don't do those the night before, getting the kids breakfast.
All of the things we do have lots of time, so we're often practicing piano and I am planning my day while they're running around. I walk the kids to school 'cause we live about two blocks from the school. I walk home, I get a few steps in, which is great. And then I'm usually pretty much at my desk from nine 30 to three 30, seeing clients recording podcast episodes, rewriting my website.
Tomorrow I'm doing a presentation, I'm practicing that. I'm doing , all of the things and I will say. It never feels like enough time. Yeah. I wish I had a little bit more. I could fill so much time. I'm so excited. I have so many ideas for my business.
Mm.
But around three 30, I walk up to pick up my kids from school.
They get out at three 40. , a couple of years ago, for two years we did aftercare. So I was able to work on my business all the way until five. I. Decided to try a year without it. And it's been actually really nice. So some days if everyone's in a good mood they will do their own independent thing and I will come back to my desk for another 45 minutes of wrap up.
Other days I hang out with them. Last night I had to get dinner started early, so I did that instead. Just kind of depends.
Mm-hmm. And
then probably like you in the evenings. I mean, we're about to start soccer this week. I've got somebody at a soccer practice three nights a week. Yeah. We've got piano on Tuesdays.
We've got gymnastics on Thursdays. We've got brain bowl, we've got book club. We've got all these things. Yeah. Yeah. And I am driving kids, or my husband's driving kids. I'm trying to squeeze in dinner. I'm asking for help. Rides from friends. Mm-hmm. And my kids are, because we have a late start.
They're up a little bit later, so whereas some people put their kids to bed and have a little bit of time after I'm in my pajamas at the same time as them, I'm usually climbing in bed after I say goodnight to them around 8 45 or nine, and I'm reading for a little while, or I'm doing something small and I'm asleep by 10.
Mm-hmm. Same love and early bedtime.
Yeah. I think it's the key, my, me time in the morning, you know?
Yeah.
That's my, that's my trade off.
I love that. This isn't necessarily like super related to what you just shared. I'm not making any assumptions based on what you just shared, but it just popped into my mind as I was thinking about like, the life of a working mom.
Can we talk, I'm bringing up all the controversial topics. I love it. Can, can we talk about. Default parent and being like, are you the default parent in your house?
Oh, I mean, honestly. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And I feel like we work so hard to change that. Like of course, here's a common phrase. I don't know what you, if you've tried anything that works, please let me know.
And I think some of that comes because we are in a season where I am more available, right? So my husband goes into the office five days a week. He's an executive. He has big responsibilities. Not that I don't too, and, and I do love that he values my work and respects it. Yeah. But he has to be out the door by 8, 8 30 at the latest, and he's often not home until five 30 or six.
Mm-hmm.
And it's just too late. Like I can't wait on him to start dinner. Any of those
things.
Yeah, do at all. But I think because I'm around more, I am the one that they go to. And so we've been practicing right now, even if I can answer something or make the decision, if my husband is home, go ask your dad.
Yeah.
Your dad can answer that, right? You have another parent go check with them. Yes.
Yeah. And
you're like, but you're right here. I'm like, yes, I know. And I don't have to be on all of the time.
I wanted to ask about this because I, I think I could have asked like, pretty much any woman. I know that question and would, would be like, yeah.
Ki it would be anything from like, oh no, I for sure am to like, yeah, I pretty much am. Right. I just am thinking about working moms and how. It's just incredible how much we hold. And in addition to working and being the mom that we wanna be. Like, before we started recording, I shared with Katelyn that I had a kid c, you know, call home from the office at school.
Today we got a stomach ache, like dealing with these things that pop up. I mean, you've been at this for 11 years. I think that I have a lot of conversation with friends about how difficult it can be as a working parent to like, you try to plan your time, you try to have your goals and be ambitious, but knowing that like, oh, also like the Cincinnati, Kentucky area, God, this winter, I mean so many school closures.
Then there's the flu, right? Like we've had, there was a moment where I counted and I didn't let myself actually count. I was like, don't do it. But in my brain I was like, I know we've been out more than we've been in. And it
was like, I do count that stuff. I probably shouldn't do it to myself. I can tell the story either way, right?
On the one hand it's like super frustrating. But on the other I'm like, of course you are where you are. Like, look at the hand that you've been dealt and look at all you've been able to do while you've had your kids home. More days than not.
Yeah. Yeah. I was just curious what you would share, like as you've been, you know, you're a seasoned vet at this point, 11 years in of being a working mom and balancing all the things that we. Have to balance, but then also knowing, I think there's the mental, we talk about the mental load as well. What would you share with people who may be more at the beginning of that journey or are just really struggling with, I think a lot of us have partners that want to be able to take on more, but it's like, how do we help them do that?
Visibility like that is truly my answer. And that looks. Like in practice, so many different things, but whenever I'm coaching someone who is newer in their parenting journey, I think one of the best things that you can do to set yourself up for. More of an even playing field. I like to use the word equitable.
Like it might not always be 50 50 or completely fair, but what feels right in your partnership is to make more of that work visible. So as you are thinking about all the things that you need to do or take care of for the kids or for the household. Like, does your partner know what those things are? Can they see that list?
Can it be a piece of paper on the kitchen counter on the fridge? Or can it be a notes app that you both share? And instead of just giving them the answer whenever they ask, just like you would a colleague, oh, you can find that here in the shared drive. Right? Go look at the list. And I think that helps with our kids as they get older.
It's why I encourage visible calendars that everybody can see. It doesn't have to be a fancy skylight, though. It certainly can. We just have a good old fashioned at a glance wall calendar.
Mm-hmm.
Right. That my kids know. This is where you go for that information. It can look like. Just this week I got an email from my kids' new soccer coaches for the season.
And my immediate reply was, thanks so much for volunteering to coach. We appreciate you. Could you please add? And I gave my husband's email address and cell phone number. We both need to be on those things. Yeah. It is not just my job and it is before just jumping in to take the daughter who calls from school or to be the one to go to the doctor's appointment or whatever, to pause first.
Hmm.
And be like, is there an opportunity here? For me to share this or can he do this time and I'll do the next?
Yeah, yeah, I know. I think we. Often have the thought, like, it'll just be faster if I do it myself or, you know, I just, keep it all in my head. But I think it took me a really long time.
Like I would snap at my husband about all the things that I was doing that he wasn't doing, but it was really unfair. Don't tell him I said that. It was really unfair that I expected him to be able to read my mind when I wasn't sharing it anywhere that he could see. So I, I love that advice of making it visible.
Yeah. I mean, it's not perfect. Yeah. I mean, that's answered that I'm still the default parent in a lot of ways.
Mm-hmm.
And I feel really good about our spread and our share of responsibilities. Yeah. And so much of that is because I don't hold much that he isn't aware of or can't see or can't jump in. And I also like seeing what's on his mind.
Yeah. '
cause that does exist as well. Yeah. We think we're the only ones.
That's so true. So true. How do you, this is tangentially related, but I just kind of had this thought might be fun to talk about. How do you. Romanticize the life of a working mom. Like as you were telling us about your day, it sounded kind of whimsical at points, you know, like, and I think that that's those thoughts.
We talk a lot about thoughts as the coaches that we are right, and our thoughts, creator feelings and all the things. It really, so much of it really is like how we choose to look at it. And it's not available every day. Some days are just hard and that just is what it is. Hmm. But like those mornings, when.
Can just hear the, the piano and you're planning your day. Like I'm sure it's not, perfect. But have you given any thought to like how you can romanticize the mundane? I would love to hear about that.
Yes. Oh my gosh. Can I tell you a story? So I. Last year in one of my group programs, we did a Find Your Fun challenge.
'cause that's something I hear a lot from my working moms that I work with is like I'm not the fun mom, or I don't have any fun or joy. It's all yes work. From the moment I wake up, from the moment I go to sleep, someone needs me. I always have to be doing something. And so this challenge was about finding micro ways to add fun into our days over the course of a month.
And one of the most interesting things I offered to everyone was sometimes we are doing fun things in our days and we just don't categorize them as that. Hmm. So I use the example of like. I have blue on my nails right now. You know, that's actually fun that I get to choose a funky color like that and just wear it or write , the piano music, like you said, such a great example.
Or the fact that I get to walk to and from school, which I don't take for granted at all.
Yeah.
There are all of these things that we do in our lives that I think. Can be called fun or could romanticize our life, but it just takes that perspective shift to be like, oh, maybe I'm actually doing that already.
I just didn't stop to categorize it in that way.
Mm-hmm.
So, yeah, I mean. I freaking love my office. You know, it is so pretty. I re painted it and it like feels so great up here. And I love to light a candle or have my playlist going in between sessions. I used to resent that time after school. When I stopped doing aftercare, I felt like, oh, I could be working and instead I have to deal with my kids.
And now I'm like, they, they're big readers, so I'm like, let's all sit around together on the couch and read and I get to read. And then later if I choose to work instead after they go to bed, that's my choice. Right? Yeah. I see it as this give and take where I choose to do that. And so I think there's a lot of those opportunities, or there can be, or you can create them.
Hmm.
We just have to remove ourselves sometimes from that mentality that it's all work all of the time. And like you said, there are certainly days where it's really hard to find that.
Mm-hmm.
But there are plenty of days where it's accessible.
I think that's so helpful. And it's so tempting to think that the fun exists, like outside of our day-to-day life.
I think I think about this all the time that my brain, I don't know, this is normal. My brain often wants to be like, oh, life's gonna be so much easier when, right when they were babies. Oh, it'll be so much easier when they're in kindergarten. And then when they're in kindergarten. I'll be so much easier when they're in middle school, whatever.
And it's like a. This is really not true. It's new level, new devil, and B, you don't wanna be wishing it away. You don't wanna be like, oh my gosh, that went by so fast and like I really didn't soak it up. So I find I have to consciously be like, how do I not wait for fun to happen and like wait for it to be vacation or like the obvious fun times.
But yeah, it's like when you were talking, a little phrase came to me, which is like, how can I. Let fun be fun. Like sometimes we're doing things with our kids that are supposed to be fun, but we're, I'm not really having fun. We're at the park and I'm not letting myself have fun with it. And it's like, where can I just let that?
And sometimes it's as simple as like, can I pick up my favorite coffee before we go to the park just to make it that much more like, lovely for me. Those little micro decisions. I think especially in the winter time when everything just feels more depressing, I think it's, it's hard to remember that you can find those little micro choices in even the busiest days.
Yes. I love the example of the park 'cause we live right next door to a playground, like a little urban city block playground, and I can look out my office window and see at any time of the day, different parent caregivers kids. And there are so many parents that just sit there and look like they're miserable, waiting on their kid to be done playing or they're just looking on their phone, which.
By all means, like some days you do just need to zone out and that's your only moment of peace.
Mm-hmm.
But to your point, I do see examples of parents that look like they're having so much fun out there.
Mm.
They're swinging or they have their shoes off. When it's warmer. Mm-hmm. Or even if they're not running around, they're just enjoying watching their kids or being outside or talking to other parents and seeing that as something for them as opposed to like, I'm just here for my kid.
I love that. I love the idea of making it into like a little challenge of like, where can you find it? Because I do think those opportunities just go right over our head and it's not our fault. We just have so much that we're thinking about and managing. But my favorite example of this is a little painful from recently was with all of the snow I posted on Instagram, my kids running around in the backyard, like throwing snowballs at each other.
And one of my friends who is older and has grown children, doesn't have kids at home anymore. Messaged back and said, that looks so fun. I wanna play. And it was like a knife. I was like, I hadn't even thought about how I could be out there. Hadn't even occurred to me, Katelyn. I was just like, I mean, I was enjoying watching them play, but that was a little bit of an eyeopening moment was like,
where could I jump in with this? And it always feels like a pain in the moment. You gotta put all your snow clothes on, whatever. But it's so much fun when you just like. Just let yourself rise to the occasion, I guess.
Yeah, I do to to think about dads in this equation. I do see a lot more dads have fun, which is such an interesting observation.
When I look out the park window or like to use your snow example, my husband talked me into going sledding and I was not going to go 'cause I thought, yeah. It just takes too much. I put on all this stuff and blah, blah, blah, and he was like, you should really come with us. And I did. And I had so much fun.
So fun. It's so healing too. You forget like how much fun we used to have when we did those things.
Exactly. And your kids want to see you having fun. Yes. Like that's almost more fun than them having fun.
Yes. Oh, I love that so much. Okay. Similarly, so we talked about romanticizing your day. What I wanna talk a little bit more about help, so this is a really popular topic.
Mm-hmm. What does help look like for you? We talked about like sharing with your partner, but what about delegating, hiring out certain things, especially now that your kids are getting older. How about chores for your kids? Like you also mentioned leaning on friends for rides to things, but
sometimes I feel like, can I just say, sometimes I feel like asking for help sounds so exhausting that I just don't always, I've had to really make myself do it. 'cause I'm like, oh, just like by the time I, I ask someone, I could have just done it. How do we, how do you deal with that and what ideas can you give to people who should really do more asking for help?
Yeah. I was recording another podcast interview with someone that I'm having on as a guest in the coming weeks, and she made this comment that I thought was so fascinating. She said, I wanna be asked for help. I want people to ask me. To help them and, and also she has super strong boundaries, so she has no fear of saying no if it doesn't work for her.
I thought that was such an interesting perspective to think about. So I guess first maybe I'll start with what does help look like for me and then sort of my journey with or experience and asking for it. So, you're right, I have. A pretty robust network of friends and neighbors who I have zero problem asking if my kids can hitch a ride to or from things, and I will go out of my way to introduce myself to other parents, because in the back of my mind, I'm like, I need to know everybody on this team or in this class because I might need to ask them for something at some point, and I would be happy.
To reciprocate and I do. Mm-hmm. So tomorrow morning my kids are going over to my neighbor's house 'cause I have to leave early and my husband has to leave early and they're gonna get them to school. That's totally fine. So I do a lot of that. I do have in-laws in town. They moved here during the pandemic, so didn't quite help me out in the baby years, which I would've so loved.
But they are available to pinch hit for us if we do need that. I am a really strong believer though, in. I hope I don't ruffle some feathers. It's okay if I ruffle some feathers in hiring childcare as well, I think. Mm-hmm. So we do both. Some date nights we go out, we have the grandparents help, but other times I still hire my favorite high school and college babysitters.
I think that's really healthy and important for my kids to experience. My daughter now wants to babysit. My oldest is really good with kids. Right? So I think that's great. So I have a list of people that I hire in to help with childcare. I have a house cleaner who comes and cleans her house every other week.
So I never wanna pretend like I'm doing it all. You can't tell by the next day that she was here 'cause same's just as joyful. Same.
Mm-hmm.
But I'm like, at least the toilets were cleaned every other week.
Yes.
Good enough for me. What else does help look like? I think those are the big ones. Oh, and I have help in my business.
I do have a team member, Allison, who helps me with a lot of administrative things, and that is a huge help.
I love what, I love what you said that people wanna be asked. I, I feel the same way. Like when I reach out to somebody and I'm like, you know what, how, what can I do to help? I really want them to say something specific like I, and maybe we all think that people are just, they probably think I'm just saying that to be nice.
I try to be really specific with my phrasing. Let me know if I can help. That's not really right versus like, what can I do? I have one friend where I, we were going through something, I can't remember what it was, and she was like, I made.
Dinner. Like I'm just dropping it off. I I don't care if you eat it. Like I'm just dropping it. I will, I just don't think I'll ever forget that. Like it was so cool.
Yeah.
So I, you know, I've also heard this thing that a lot of us have probably heard going around that's like everybody wants a village, but nobody wants to be a villager.
A hundred percent.
And that's what being a villager really means. But one of the things that people have been saying along those lines that I think is so interesting is. If you like wanna have a village, you need to start accepting people's help. Like when people offer, it's actually really important to say yes.
It's really important to say yes because then you can give of yourself to other people. I think we just are in such a society of hyper independence and it doesn't allow us to have the meaningful relationships that we really crave that would also make our lives so much easier.
Yes. I so much, I'm so glad you said that.
Like we are in this. World of hyper independence. Everybody feels like we should be able to figure it out ourselves. And in some ways, a lot of that has gotten easier. One of my good friends, her family, much like yours, had just weeks of this awful flu. Hmm. And my first thing was, what can I pick up for you?
Do you have enough ibuprofen? Yeah. Like, I'm headed to the store. Happy to. And she was like, oh no, I already did a. order is gonna be delivered. We're all set. I got Lego sets and medicine and food, which is great. And, and that's fine. But I mean, also maybe in that instance, help is checking in, just like, Hey, how are you doing?
I'm thinking about you. You're not alone, even though it feels like you are. So, yeah, I don't know. I, I'm sure asking for help hasn't always been easy because I also grew up in a household where you did everything yourself. Mm-hmm. But I really don't struggle too much with it anymore.
And I'm also totally fine if someone tells me no or they can't, yeah. Help me out.
I would like to share with people. I think it would make the world a better place if we, maybe we should all try. This is like the next time somebody offers something like that. Try just saying yes even if you don't need it.
I was thinking of you telling that story and it's a missed opportunity. 'cause like if you had had the chance to drop something off, it actually makes you closer. Right. I remember going through something really traumatic that happened to my family. We had a hospitalization.
Luckily everybody was fine, but it was very scary for a minute. We had a, a terrible accident. And all these neighborhood moms. Wanted to pool together and get us like, I think an Instacart gift card. And somebody reached out to me and was like, we wanna do this. , is Instacart okay? And I was this close to being like, we don't need it.
And I ended up being like, you know what? It that. That sounds great. That sounds great. And I just remember thinking like, this is, as women, we have to practice receiving, you have to practice receiving. I was so glad that I said yes to that. I felt so loved and it made me wanna go out and love other people.
So anyway, I know this is a little bit of a tangent, but I just think that for working moms. This is a skill that we all, I think the world would be a better place if we all could. Like, I'd love to go back to the days where we just helped each other out. I think COVID really set us back with, we had to be on our own little islands, but I would love to see the working moms just come together and say more.
Yes. When people offer.
Yeah. Yes to all of, I don't think I have anything else to add to that. A hundred times. Yes. Ask for help in all of the strange and interesting yes. Ways, whatever you need or receive help or give help too.
Yeah.
Yeah, it really all counts and it adds up.
Well, Katelyn, I know we, I, we could easily talk all day and we're coming to the end of our time.
I wanted to end my portion at least. I dunno if you have anything else, but I would love to just close by talking a tiny bit more about your a hundred podcast milestone this is a huge accomplishment. A hundred podcasts. It's a, it's a body of work, right? It's like a whole book, maybe multiple worth of your thoughts and your ideas.
As you think back to like episode one and the journey that you've been on, what are you most proud of about this creation of yours? Hmm.
What comes to mind, honestly, and this may sound so small, but I actually don't think it is, is that I feel so proud of just starting.
Mm.
There are so many reasons why we don't do things. Time being the biggest one when we've got families and careers and businesses to run and households, it feels like we don't have the time.
We don't have the time to do, as deep a dive as we want, or for it to be as perfect as we want, and I feel so proud that. You laid down that challenge for me and I just didn't wait. I was like, okay, I will be so glad that I started this. Let me just choose a title. Let me just record a couple of the first episodes.
Let me just, with the help of Allison, my assistant design a quick cover art piece in Canva, and so I feel really proud of starting and I think second to that as you said, this does feel like a huge body of work and I feel really proud of.
The tips, the advice, the relatable stories, and this huge body of work that I am creating. This has helped me develop my own thought leadership, what I think and believe about this life of being a working mom, balancing family and career, and I'm so grateful for how it has sharpened. My speaking skills, my thinking skills, my ability to really take a point and drive it home with very tangible examples and tips and ideas and I feel really proud of, of how I've been able to do that for 100 episodes.
It's amazing. I'm so proud of you and I'm so glad that you made this podcast, and I know people listening are so glad as well, but I think what I heard you say is like, sometimes just starting is the hardest part. I know it's so cliche, but it's true. Like once you start, it's not that it's never gonna be hard, but putting it out there in the world and making that decision that's like, I'm gonna do this.
It's, it's huge. It can be all downhill from there.
Yeah. . And it's the thing that stops so many people from doing the things that they want to do is just, mm-hmm. How do I start?
I love it. So good. Congratulations on a hundred.
Thank you. Thank you so much for being here. , you're a masterful interviewer.
I knew this was gonna be so fun. I appreciate it so much and , wish we could chat for the rest of the day, but
yeah,
we got life and kids and things to go do.
I know. Thank you so much for having me. It's been a true honor.
Thank you for listening and as always, for being a part of this working mom community. You can find everything related to this episode in the show notes at themothernurture.com/podcast,
you can also find information about how I support working moms just like you through one-on-one, and group coaching, as well as access a number of resources and articles all on my website at themothernurture.com.
I will see you again next week for another episode of the podcast
If you enjoyed this episode, you won’t want to miss what’s coming next! Make sure you hit the subscribe button to tune into future episodes.
If you love the Life Coach for Working Moms Podcast, I’d be so grateful if you’d rate and review it on iTunes! Simply scroll down, tap to give it a five star rating, then tap “Write a Review.” Your rating and review will help more busy working moms discover helpful episodes each week!