Episode 99: The Career Cost of Invisible Work
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
Invisible labor exists wherever there’s responsibility, including at work, and it has a real cost. In this episode, we unpack how unseen coordination and emotional load quietly drain your energy, limit your career growth, and lead to burnout. You’ll learn three simple scripts to help you clarify priorities, make your invisible work visible, and reclaim your capacity so you can lead and live with more ease.
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
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You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode.
Hello. Welcome back to another episode of the podcast. This is episode 99. I cannot believe we are one episode away from 100. What a huge milestone. When I started this project, gosh, almost two years ago, it'll be two years this summer, I started it as a small experiment, and here we are still going strong at 99 episodes.
I have something really special and fun planned for you next week for the 100th episode of the podcast. Please check back, make sure you're subscribed so you get that notice when it goes live. And I also have several new interviews that I'm in the process of recording that I cannot wait to share with you some really fun stories and experiences and glimpses behind the scenes of other working mom lives.
For today's episode, I wanna talk about capacity. I wanna talk about cognitive load. I wanna talk about invisible labor, but specifically in the workplace. So this past weekend was International Women's Day.
It didn't even dawn on me until today is Monday as I'm recording this until I woke up this morning and saw a couple of posts on Instagram saying how very on brand it was that we had International Women's Day on the day where we moved our clocks forward. One hour for daylight savings time here in the us and so.
How on brand it was to get all of a day's work done in 23 hours instead of 24. But complaining aside, I hope you're all navigating the time change as best you can. I'm really excited. I. About International Women's Day this year because later this week I'm going to be giving a talk at an organization that's here in Cincinnati as a delayed recognition and honoring of International Women's Day,
and that presentation that I will be giving is all about making the invisible visible and how that work does so much to help prevent burnout, both at work and at home. So I've talked here about the Fair Play Method. I'm a certified Fair Play Method facilitator and incorporate that work into my coaching quite often.
And I appreciate fair play and all of the tools that it brings, but its focus is largely on the home, on family life, especially for parents, which I know is my audience here. But what I have come to realize in utilizing the tools that come with that certification is that there is so much value.
For the workplace as well. And so I'm excited to be bringing some of these concepts, some of this research to a corporate environment and helping everyone in the audience apply it to not just their family life, but to their. Maybe singled life, maybe their partnered life without kids, and especially.
Their professional lives. And so I wanna bring you just a snippet of that presentation here to the podcast today, because this is also a topic that comes up quite regularly in coaching when I am coaching a busy, maybe slowly, quietly burning out working mom.
Of course it goes without saying. I think that our mental load at home is oftentimes crushing, but what we also come to notice and realize through the work is that the same is true in the professional life as well. Just because we go to the office or we go to work for eight hours a day and we can quote unquote measure that time doesn't mean that so much of the work that we do to produce, to manage, to be, an individual contributor.
So much of that work is done quietly, is done invisibly. Because the truth is that invisible work or cognitive load exists wherever there is responsibility. It is not just responsibility at home for our personal lives, for our life administration, for our caregiving, that there is responsibility at work and therefore invisible work that goes on behind the scenes as well.
I.
Maybe that shows up at work when you are the person who anticipates what the VP is going to ask in that meeting, or what the client might have an objection to or what your manager might say when you propose something. Maybe you are the person who coordinates people and schedules for upcoming projects or meetings .
Maybe you are the employee who is mentoring others informally. That takes up time and mental bandwidth. Maybe you are the one who is considered the glue that holds your team together. You're the one who knows how to smooth tensions or, again, anticipate what might come up. That could be an issue. Maybe you're the birthday planner or the committee planner always stepping up to take care of things or plan things that others simply get to show up.
And attend
that. Invisible work absolutely has an individual cost.
There's a cost to our partnerships and relationships. When one person is consistently holding the planning, the remembering, the coordinating, it doesn't just create more work, it creates exhaustion. And over time that exhaustion turns into resentment
and frustration. There's a cost to our personal identity. When your mental bandwidth is always occupied by logistics and planning and responsibility, it becomes harder to stay connected to your own goals, your own creativity and purpose. And so many women describe this as slowly losing touch with themselves.
There's a cost to our own wellness. When your mind is constantly encumbered with this cognitive load, it doesn't get to rest. Your brain is always planning and remembering and anticipating, and eventually that level of cognitive load becomes burnout. But also there is a cost to careers
because if someone is consistently carrying more invisible coordination work, their capacity for strategic thinking, for innovation, and for leadership shrinks. And that shows up in the data that I'm sure you're familiar with in the gender pay gap in the maternal wall, and fewer women advancing into leadership roles because your capacity shrinks,, and you start declining opportunities, you start to step back and you burn out quietly.
When really what we need is more women in leadership.
We need more women making empowered decisions.
So if we can agree that invisible labor. Cognitive load exists not just at home. When we think about all of our chores and tasks and project and caregiving responsibilities, that endless mental loop that is always playing of all the things we are trying to anticipate and think about and remember to do, but that that exists also in the workplace as well.
What do we do about it?
Fair play as a framework is a series of steps and tools and conversation starters to bring two partners. Not necessarily always two partners. I wanna rephrase that. I think we most commonly think of that as a marriage or a partnership to parents coming together. But it can also look like caregiving teams coming together, children stepping up to share responsibilities, outsourced help coming in, generational family, roommates, friends, , anyone that you collaborate with in the fair play world.
Using these tools to come together and assess how is the workload, not just the work that we can externally see, but also the cognitive load. How is that being distributed and who takes ownership for what with the goal? Of course, being that we feel like it's a more equitable spread so that everyone has the time and space that they need outside of those responsibilities.
And as I said, I think so many of these tools are applicable to the workplace, and so many of the examples that I've worked through with clients is in how do we take the foundational components of Fair Play for Home and weave those into the conversations that we have with colleagues.
With project or committee team members, with managers, with leadership and with executives, and I know that's not always easy, that it can feel maybe challenging or vulnerable or scary to shine a light on the invisible work that you're holding with the hopes that it can be redistributed. But if we think about career trajectories, if we think about leadership opportunities, I would encourage you or offer to you to reframe those conversations of shining a light on the invisible work as a way to expand your capacity or give you the space.
To do the more important work and to also see that that work is also a benefit to the organization or your employer or whoever you work for. So, you know, I love to make things really tangible for you. I wanna give you examples. I wanna give you some scripts. And so what I'd like to do for this episode, and then please.
Let me know if this topic resonates with you, if you want me to share more on this idea of fair play in general, or especially workplace examples like this. I love organizational management was my favorite course in college. I have a business minor and I love these topics of thinking about how we do our work in the world, how we work within teams and leadership structures, and how we advocate for ourself.
So please let me know if this lands for you, but what I wanna do here is walk you through a couple of script examples, , of how this could look or sound in a conversation in a real life application to again, make the invisible more visible so that you're not over owning work, that you have the capacity to do your most impactful work.
The work not just for you that you care about or that helps you reach your goals, but also for your team or for your organization.
So the first phrase I wanna toss out. Is a really great one to use when you are speaking with a manager or someone who is in a position to. Delegate or help manage your workload. Now, I recognize if you are an executive listening to this, you're in a more leadership role. You may not have someone to have this conversation with, and so I would challenge you to listen to this and think about how you can have this conversation with yourself.
I do this all of the time. Self-employed, so I am my own manager. I choose how I spend my time, which I know a lot of people think must be the greatest thing ever. I can tell you it's very challenging and there are many days where I wish someone would just tell me what to do. I miss my corporate days for that at times.
As I've learned to have these conversations with myself, it has made it so much easier to think about my capacity and my priorities. So imagine you're sitting down again with, with someone who's in a leadership position. And you've just been maybe assigned a new project or you've been asked to help out with this initiative or to serve on this committee or to take on this client.
I remember back from my corporate days in one of my latter roles, I had many different roles throughout my corporate career, but. One of my latter roles, I was on a product management team. I was in charge of content development, training, and distribution for a lot of our software products, and I did have a manager who I could go to and ask this question in order to prioritize this, what should I deprioritize?
So I very distinctly remember being asked if I could support this new initiative, which was really important to our organization. And of course it was a great opportunity. It would get me visibility to executives, something I could add to my portfolio and resume. I wanted to say yes, and I was already overextended.
I had so many projects in the works, so many balls in the air. And I put together a spreadsheet. We didn't have a tool at the organization that easily allowed me to track or show all of the things that I was committed to. I know now, a lot of organizations have that, or if they don't, I would encourage you to create what I did for yourself, a way to track and keep top of mind all of the things that you are committed to.
And I went to my manager, and said, here's what I have currently on my plate. I want to say, yes, I hear you, that this is a priority, and in order for this to come onto my list of projects, something else needs to go and it doesn't have to go forever. It just needs to be moved to the back burner, or I need to be given permission or take it for myself that I am not going to move this project forward for the next three months or six months, or however long the new project is going to take.
The question you're essentially asking is, is this new thing? Is this committee work you want me to take on? Is this client you want me to manage? Is this initiative you want my assistance with? Is that more important than X, Y, Z, these other things? It's a very empowering conversation to initiate one. It gives visibility to your manager, to your leader, to your team of everything that you have on your plate because chances are they've forgotten and it helps you and that person or and the team and the organization to really recommit to the goals.
What is the priority right now? What do we want our people working on? And like I said, maybe the deprioritized project just goes and sits on the back burner for a time. It wasn't that important. Maybe there's someone else who they can take that to, and I would encourage that someone else to have this same conversation.
Eventually something will fall off and I don't see that as a bad thing, and I don't think you should either. Again, it's a recommitment to what is most important. If we think about this work in our daily lives with our families and in our homes, we cannot do it all. And so right now, for example, we're heading into soccer season in our family, which is very hectic and chaotic.
Three kids playing on three different teams, plus my husband coaching, and I'm just running everybody to where they need to be. Oh, and my oldest ref's soccer, he's a referee as well. We cannot do as many other things during this season, and we go into spring fully informed. Those other things that we enjoyed in the winter, during our slow time are not the priority right now.
And there's a freedom in that. So that's your first script. In order to prioritize this, what should I deprioritize? And my side note hint here is state that question and then be silent. Pause and let it land. You don't have to jump in to fill the silence.
That's negotiation 1 0 1, but we can talk about that another time. All right, my second script and and second example here is going to again, a colleague or manager or whoever you're speaking with and say, here's everything currently on my plate, including coordination work. So if we think about the spreadsheet in my first example.
What I didn't do at the time and what I now wish I had done, but you live and learn, is that spreadsheet showed my current projects, right? I have this report and this study and this thing that I'm writing and this webpage that I'm developing, and these upcoming release notes or whatever it is that you're working on, but there is so much that you're doing day to day.
And that takes time, yes. On your calendar, but also it's the invisible labor. So one of my clients a while back, one of the things that we worked on was she was in, , an operations director role, and they would have weekly team meetings where her colleagues would go around and people would share updates on the projects that they're working on.
Because so much of her work in an operations role was all of the behind the scenes tasks that kept the organization running, that kept vendors paid and right forms completed and financial documentation to the right place, right? it was all of this little ongoing work that took time and was a lot to remember to plan for and to anticipate.
But she felt like, because it wasn't one of their bigger projects or initiatives that was driving toward their strategic plan that no one cared. Who wants to hear about all the little things that I'm doing. But because she didn't share that, others assumed that she had capacity.
She had space, that she had time, that she was available for more, and so they would assign or request help or bring her in to these other projects until soon. She was so over capacity that she was inching toward burnout. And so my challenge to her was at those meetings, while others were sharing updates on their progress on these bigger projects, for her to start to make her invisible work visible, sharing a couple of the things that she had completed, the way that her work was impacting their work, by allowing it to happen in the first place, to remind everyone.
That it's not just the big projects that are valuable in terms of time, that it's all of these other things that help the organization run. So here is everything currently on my plate, including coordination work, not to complain, but to give the full picture. And what I think you'll find is that most managers or most teammates or colleagues will say, I had no idea.
I didn't know that you were essentially running that entire committee on your own and how much time that takes up, or, I had no idea that that particular client was requiring so much of you. Maybe that opens a dialogue about whether that is the priority, about whether that's worth your time. Maybe there's someone else who is better suited to those tasks or some sort of process or automation or, I mean, in the world of ai, not that we wanna outsource our entire jobs to ai, but are there opportunities to lessen some of that if there is more important work that you want to be doing or could be doing?
So giving that full picture, not just the big rocks, not just the big flashy important projects or clients or work, but everything that goes on to make that possible. The third script and example that I wanna give you is what really leans into the fair play framework, and that is can we clarify ownership before we move forward?
So as a new project comes on, or you're asked to support an initiative, being really clear, what does this deliverable look like? What is the expected timeline? How quickly are you looking to have this completed? Or what are the benchmarks along the way?
What's the absolute deadline? Who has decision making authority? Is it me? Is it you? Is it someone else? Is my job just to provide the options and make a recommendation, but I'm not actually going to be the one to decide who do I go to as a point of escalation? What does accountability look like? Am I just doing the task execution or am I also setting the vision?
Am I doing the planning?
We move so quickly at work that a lot of assumptions are made, and that is a recipe for mismatched expectations, which leads to resentment. And I see this at home all of the time, and we delegate a task to our partner, but we don't actually define what that means or what done looks like. How can they ever get it right?
How can they know that they're doing enough? That is a conversation, and so I'd invite you to carry that into the workplace as well. If you are already in the midst of a bunch of projects, it's okay to go back. Hey, I, I recognize as I'm getting into this work that I'm actually not clear on the deliverable here or who owns what.
Can we take a moment to pause and clarify that ownership before I get even further? If it's brand new, you're in the perfect position to ask that question. Set the expectations. Make sure that everyone is aligned. No assumptions. When there are assumptions or those expectations aren't clear, that's when we end up over owning things.
We compensate for that by putting more time into it, giving more of our time, overextending ourselves, which often ends to again, resentment, frustration, and ultimately burnout.
There are so many more scripts where that came from, but those are the three that I love the most and that I coach on most regularly. So again, the first one, asking about priorities in order to prioritize this. What should I deprioritize? The second one is about making all of your work, not just the big things visible.
So here's everything currently on my plate, including coordination, work, and take the conversation from there. And the third one is getting that clarity. So can we clarify ownership before we move forward? And not just ownership, but also what does done look like.
The cost of this invisible labor is high. I'm on a mission right now. I'm fired up about this topic. I wanna make more of this invisible work, visible, not just at home, but also in the workplace. I hope this episode was helpful. If you'd like to see more of this, please send me a note. You can email me at hello@themothernurture.com or send me a DM on Instagram at Love Mother Nurture, and I can't wait to bring you episode 100 next week.
Until then, take care, I'll talk to you soon.
Thank you for listening and as always, for being a part of this working mom community. You can find everything related to this episode in the show notes at themothernurture.com/podcast,
you can also find information about how I support working moms just like you through one-on-one, and group coaching, as well as access a number of resources and articles all on my website at themothernurture.com.
I will see you again next week for another episode of the podcast
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