Episode 77: What We’ve Learned After 10+ Years of Working & Parenting Through the Holidays
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The holidays are coming — and if you’re already feeling the mental load of planning, gifting, scheduling, and making it all magical, this episode is for you.
In this conversation, Katelyn and her guest Colleen talk about how to approach the holidays with more intention and less overwhelm. You’ll learn practical ways to simplify your to-do list, set boundaries around your time and energy, and create a holiday season that actually feels good — not just looks good. Plus, they share real-life examples of how working moms can make things easier, what to let go of, and so much more.
If you want this holiday season to feel lighter, calmer, and more meaningful, this episode will help you get there.
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
Get your ticket to Stress Less This Holiday and plan the season with me!
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You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode. .
Hi, and welcome back to the podcast. This is episode 77. I'm so excited to bring to you this behind the scenes peak
into some of the biggest lessons that I've learned over the years of working and parenting through this busy holiday season. I'm joined by my friend and client and long time participant of my stress list. This holiday workshop, Colleen Hafner.
And we both have experienced quite an evolution over the years to how we approach the holidays, going from this feeling that the holidays just were hard and stressful because that's what it is to be the magic makers and to be the list holders and to also show up at your job in what for many people is a very busy time of year to now where the holidays feel relaxing for the most part. Of course, we have plenty of things to do, but we also have realistic expectations and.
Are not afraid to say no to the things that do not support those expectations. So you've heard me talking about this for the last few weeks, but if you do not have your ticket to join us, it's not too late. We're meeting on Thursday, November 6th to plan out our holiday season.
And even if you have already started crossing things off your list, putting dates onto the calendar, even doing some shopping or meal planning. That's great. Still come and join us and take a moment to be in this amazing community space where we take a step back and think about the bigger picture and the meaning behind what we are actually doing and creating this season, and we incorporate ourselves into the equation.
So you hear a little bit more about the workshop in this conversation, but even if you already have your ticket or this is not the year for you to join, still listen all the way through because there are so many great tips and strategies and hacks, things that I learned from Colleen that I didn't know, and things that I share about my own family life and how we approach this season, that it will definitely be worth a listen. All right. Without further ado, I hope you enjoy this conversation and feel motivated and a little bit inspired to create a season that you can truly enjoy this year.
Oh, and I almost forgot this episode may be one that you want to put on some headphones or put your earbuds in for, because we're talking about the holidays. Definitely don't want any spoilers to come across if you have little ears in the room. So go do that now.
Welcome to the podcast, Colleen.
Thank you, Katelyn. Glad to
be here.
So this is gonna be a fun episode. I had this idea pop into my head. I don't know, what was it last week? . Yep. And I have my holiday workshop coming up, which this will be the fifth year now.
So if you haven't signed up yet, it's happening on Thursday, November 6th. , you can find the link in the show notes for this episode if you wanna check it out, but I, I really wanna pull back the curtain and share a behind the scenes story of.
What the holidays look like in my life, how they've changed over the years. And I always think it's more fun to do this in conversation with someone else. And Colleen's face popped into my mind because Colleen, I think has been with me through every, yes, I think so. She's nodding yes. Every one of these workshops back when.
I guess the first one would've been in 2020. Mm-hmm. Yep. We were all like, how do we do the holidays in the midst of a pandemic? We're all overwhelmed. We're all working from home. I started it because I needed it, and I thought, well, if anybody wants to come along and plan with me, by all means, and it has grown into this thing that I think there's a core group of us that really rely on this each year as our jumpstart, as our kickoff to this season to prepare ourselves for what is coming. So we're gonna get into all of that, what the holidays look like, some of our tips and hacks, the things that we've learned over the years and the iterations that have happened for the holidays for each of us. So that's what you're in for today.
And full disclosure, before I let Colleen introduce herself, we are recording this two days before Halloween, so you will likely hear it after Halloween. But I think that's important because as I am stepping into this conversation, I'm thinking about last minute costume adjustments and I still don't have trick or treat candy.
And I know on the other side of Friday is. The last two months of the year, it's gonna be November, and it's coming at me, and there's still this disconnect of, I can't believe it's already here. So, all right. I've said enough. , Colleen, why don't
you introduce yourself? Thanks. Yeah, Colleen Haffner. , I live in St.
Louis. I am married with two kids. , my oldest is eight, almost nine. My youngest is five and a half. , my husband owns a small business, , and I work in nonprofit management. , and the funny thing is, as I was thinking about this discussion. As a mom, I have momed through 10, , Christmas holidays, even though my oldest is still eight.
, she's a December 15th birthday. So, , this'll be my 10th Christmas in mom land. , so glad to be here and it's super excited to talk about, , the program.
Yes, I love it. And. We should talk about that as well, because you and I have that in common, that we both have family birthdays that also happen in this season where we're celebrating lots of other things.
Right, right. Just one more, put it on, put it on the list. Yes. Yes. I would love for you to share, what do you celebrate? So you have a birthday in December. Mm-hmm. When you think of November and December, what are the anchors?
What are the big things, holidays or other things that happen that you are accounting for as you head into planning for this season?
Yeah, great question. , so for us, Thanksgiving is really big. , both of our families are largely here in town and we both come from big families and so Thanksgiving is just kind of a core, , family day.
, and we cram everything into one day. , we also celebrate Christmas, and 10 days prior is our oldest daughter's birthday. Day. , and then we do celebrate New Year's, , both with my husband's business and then, just with my friends. That's always kind of a, we acknowledge it and so, , it does feel like a rollercoaster whirlwind, like you said, starting Saturday.
, but yeah, that's us. We are not, , particularly religious, , but we do hold a lot of the common traditions that go come with Christmas too.
Hmm,
that's
a great point to make. So similar to you, our family celebrates Thanksgiving and Christmas. I love New Year's. It's one of my favorites, actually, Halloween is my top favorite holiday happening this week, so I'm very jazzed about that.
, my middle child, my daughter's birthday is actually on Thanksgiving this year, so that's interesting and fun. . And we can talk about this too, but in recent years I have started to think about ways to also honor the solstice. I love to do that, which is just before Christmas typically on, I think it's the 21st, always.
, so we have those things and I will share just to color. Or provide some context for some of my challenges when it comes to the holidays that my husband and I come from families where our parents are divorced and remarried. So my children have four sets of grandparents as well as the aunts and uncles, cousins that come with that.
And we have only one set that lives in town, so we're also navigating. Who do we see and when and who's traveling here and are we traveling, and all of that, which if I am honest, is the biggest stressor for me.
Yeah. I feel like that is a great reason to do this planning to zoom out and step back because it is those family dynamics I think that can really temper how you ultimately feel at the end of the holidays and the stress and just getting ahead of it and just.
Owning what it is you decide on early on. Just that clarity is such a gift so that you can be more present. Yeah.
Yeah. What do you find is most, like if that's my top stressor, A among other things I could list as well, but what are the things that you angst over or maybe you don't anymore, but you remember always being a challenge.
The one thing that has really impacted our family since we became parents is that my husband does work in hospitality industry. And as everyone can imagine, that is a busy season. , so in addition to just it being a. Busier and at a time when he wants to be present. After our, you know, normal business hours, he's at the brewery.
They have a pub and also he's got events, to help celebrate the season and bring in business and celebrate with cus. So it's navigating the increased, , load on both of our schedules from a work standpoint. , I have a lot of year end holiday events to attend. , things that require babysitters because he is not home.
, and so that , has. In the past been a big stressor. , and over the years evolved into, something that we just know is happening, know is coming, and that we can get ahead of, , when we zoom out. So, yeah, I love the calendar. I love looking, I ahead, so, yeah, , that really helps us just plan for what support that we need to get through our work season.
Yeah. Okay. You teed it up so perfectly. You said, coming into these seasons. Now, how do we just expect that and anticipate that? And one of the best things that I have done for my family over the years, and I talk about this in the workshop as well, is to take notes.
And so whether that's , you have printed there in front of you. If you're listening, you can't see this, but Colleen has her recent years workbooks from Stressless, this holiday from the workshop. So whether you're saving those and pulling those out to reference or, you know, I keep all of our family's notes in OneNote to have that
memory for yourself that, oh yeah. Typically there's this event at the brewery and this and this and there's this performance or this school thing that typically happens, or, oh, last year, in my case, we spent a. Thanksgiving with this family. So this year we should probably spread the love and spend it with somebody else to be able to pull up a note and just jog your memory.
Because 365 days is a long time and we just forget. We think we'll remember, but we don't. And so anything that you can do. To take a note for next year is so helpful. Yeah, I mean, I even wrote down how much Halloween candy I bought last year and I have a note that says you bought too much.
Same, same. I think the best hack has been thinking through what do I need to know for the next time in the moment when you're experiencing, whether it's just a quantity of something or a date of.
Something, , where it's very helpful to get it done by and then reflecting back. That is a recurring reminder on my phone too, and it definitely saves me and also feels just like a gift, from my past self to my future self.
Yeah.
Yeah. So how do you think your approach then has changed and evolved over the years?
I, I have some memories of you, like in these workshops. I can probably pull out a few, but I'm curious what you would say.
Yes. Oh, huge change. Huge change. I mean, you know, I think a lot of folks, , do struggle with the mental load that comes with the holiday season, right? I think that's the thing that we walk in with, and, and the pressure from external factors to create holiday magic,
as soon as you become a parent, the algorithms feed you so much.
Yes.
And you can do so. So much, right? There is a wide range of possibility and I think early on it was drinking from the fire hose and it was this fear of, not doing it right or not. Creating the memories and traditions, the fond things that we all remember from our childhood.
And then. Balancing that with being a working parent. , and there just being so much less available time, to really take on everything. The world just, , offers way too much for any one person no matter what their constraints are. But in particular, working parents,
So I need to be really efficient with the time that I'm setting aside. And I think having the clarity, , that I've been able to develop over the years, going through the planning exercise upfront really does buy me so much more time to be present. And I think that's, , continues to evolve.
And it also allows me to be very clear with what it is I need support in and what it is I'm gonna not. Do and just saying no, , upfront and then letting it go.
Yes, I
there are so many options. Yeah. A million things you can do. And you could look not just to your feed, but to your peers, to other parents at school, at daycare, family members to see all of the things you could do. But I think a piece that so many people skip is , we do think about our kids first, which is great.
We love our kids. We wanna make magic for them. We want this time of year to be fun and and memorable, and we forget that what we enjoy matters just as much. Yeah.
It resonates so much.
And I think it comes from a similar place of recognizing that, , when I feel stressed or pressured or obligated, then I'm not showing up for my family in a way that's very pleasant. And that's. Memorable and that's cheerful and embracing the kind of joy and the purpose of this season. And that's what I know my family and I will remember years from now,
and really the biggest impact comes from just how I feel day in and day out. And I, I think it makes so much sense to identify the thing you wanna let go of or just say no to, and give yourself that release to find what does bring you joy, , and what really will make you feel like you are experiencing holidays.
, and pull us a little bit away from that. Like, I'm doing it just for my kids. Hmm. It's, you know, these are our holidays too.
Yes. Yes. I, I could think of though a different example that supports also, in case this is helpful for you listening, that you can also change your mind. Hmm. And I think we put a lot of pressure to do something and maintain it.
And when we are talking about magical creatures, you know, there is some nuance there and we have to, there is a bit of a story that a, a thread that we need to maintain, but.
You can change your mind and you could be in a season where something is not feasible, you do not have the capacity for it. And then maybe in a later season you do. My example of that is my sister would wrap up 25 books, Christmas books, and they would open them every night and read a different book books that they already owned. Mm-hmm. And I thought, oh my gosh, that's so cool. And there's no way I can get my act together and get that done.
But about three years ago, my was out of the baby stage. I was sleeping through the night I thought. I could do that. I could do that now, and I can think about it ahead of time, set myself up so it's not something I'm doing November 1st or December 1st, rambling to wrap 25 books, and so I changed my mind on that.
I thought I do have the capacity. I do wanna do this now. We do have these really cool Christmas books that I'd love to read with my children every night and make it an event. Mm-hmm. And so you can also change your mind.
Yeah. Yeah. what's coming up for me when I think about that is how a tradition by its nature does not have to mean every single year and.
The value of a tradition is that grounding and that sense of expectation and anticipation and fun, right? And so as soon as it stops being fun, as soon as it stops being something that you anticipate. With pleasure. I think there's a lot of, , reason to reassess, and again, tradition not having to be every year.
I, I couldn't tell you if the things that I remember as a child happened every year or not. Did I go see Santa every year? I'm not actually sure. It feels like a tradition that I went and saw Santa, however,
yes. You know,
they, there's no score keeping in this.
Mm. I love that point that it doesn't have to be every year,
I love the phrase that for any part of life, you don't have to do things the way you've always done them. Mm-hmm. And I think it's so applicable to the holidays. And oftentimes we do do things because we tell ourselves it's a tradition and we have to do it every year and really you can reinvent things whenever you want and you can change your mind and you can bring back traditions. Maybe you didn't do it for a year and you really missed it. Well, that's great data to have.
Yes. Yes, exactly. Yeah. It helps you prioritize for the coming years. , if you've missed it, there's a reason to go back , and figure out a way to make it work and, and also make that informed decision around what you're gonna let go.
Yeah.
Hmm. Is there anything else that you can think of that, you know, you say no to? Uh, there is. Okay.
I do not bake cookies. Oh, I do. And I enjoy baking, , however, in a prior life, , I did enjoy baking. I baked a lot before having kids, a lot being relative.
, but I enjoyed it. I liked reading recipes and. As a parent, it just stresses me out. It's just not something I'm super comfortable with. The mess and the risk and I would so much rather decorate cookies that are already made , and make a mess that way. So my alternative, I've noticed that my kids just get such a hoot out of doing a gingerbread house.
Doesn't matter if it's the. $10, one from Aldi or the $40 one from Target, they don't care. It is so fun for them. They will eat the stale candy and they will pick off of it all season. And I'm like, that is totally my speed. I can figure that out. And then it just brings everyone joy.
, if they bake cookies somewhere else, if somebody bakes me cookies, I will accept with pleasure. But in this season for now, it's just not something that I even put on the list anymore. , yeah. The obligation just isn't there. Yeah. Yeah.
I love that. What else? Anything else?
, you know, to make a big deal about, , gatherings with , with friends.
, I think everybody has so much going on and especially around the new year. , and so for me, we kind of get an easy button. My husband does what we call the UK New Year's, so, 6:00 PM Central Time, it's 12:00 AM , in the uk Greenwich, me. And so we watch the ball drop, he puts on the screens. It's a big party and it really frees us from having to coordinate anything socially.
'cause anytime someone asks us, Hey, what are you doing? We're not going anywhere else. You can meet us up at his business or. We'll see you in the new year. Right? Yeah. And so combining things and finding ways to layer on without adding to, , has been a way to keep that connection.
But no, recognize that everybody is so, so busy. Yeah. Um, yeah. I love those, those are
great examples. I did not know that you didn't bake. Which is,
which is
totally fine. I'll
again, I'm sure, yeah,
I do bake, but I have scaled it back since having kids, and now that my kids are at an age where they have opinions and thoughts about things, I let everyone submit one cookie to the list of cookies that I will make.
So aside from the multiple families that we have to see throughout the next couple of months, my biggest challenge is just making decisions. And I know that I talk about that a lot and I coach my clients on it. I'm just here to normalize that I'm not perfect at it either. And so my question to myself as I look at anything that's coming up.
That I have to do or buy or bake or schedule is how can I make the decision process easier for me? Because I know that's where I struggle. Once the decision's made, like I can execute, I'll go get it done. And so for me, cookies for example, looking through pages of recipes or seeing the New York Times, their cookie spread that they always do, of course I wanna make them all, how could I ever choose?
So I just don't. Each of my three kids, my husband sometimes suggests, and I make my favorite cookie. So I have five types of cookies done. That's what I make. Nothing else.
That's great. That's great. You're reminding me. , I've also let go of, , complicated neighbor gifts. , so we keep it simple and we do a bottle of wine and like mulling spices and it's one of those things where I think.
, the kind of guilt can rise up when you have this beautiful box of homemade cookies dropped on your doorstep. And it's that comparison and the expectation, but remembering that the joy is in the giving. , and it doesn't necessarily really matter what it is, it's just the acknowledgement and shortening that list.
, I know that that's been a huge help to me is. Thinking through what our real list is, and that's been a part of the exercise in the planning workshop that I don't think I ever would've figured out on my own. I think I would've just kept. Letting my list grow and grow as people popped into my mind, who, aren't the usual suspects,
and so getting ahead of that and just making peace, make the decision and letting it go, , that. Offers so much more space, in this busy season for sure.
Yeah.
And you're so right that. When we don't make some of these decisions in advance, it is so easy to just add more, more cookies, more food, more activities, more gifts, more whatever.
Because we feel like we should, we see that somebody else is doing, we receive a gift and we didn't have one for them. Right? All of these, so many opportunities for that and. If you don't have your vision, your enough list, whatever you can use as a litmus test or a filter. I mean, I just picture, so, yeah, someone just buried underneath the weight of everything that they tried to fit into this season, and you just cannot make those decisions once you're in the thick of it.
I mean, you can, but they won't be informed. They won't be intentional. They will be very reactive, and so I don't know any other way to do it than to get in front of it and decide in advance.
Yeah, it really lets you hold a boundary for yourself and with outside voices. Yes. , so as things pop up in the moment, Hey, we're gonna go to this, , light walk.
Oh, we're gonna, meet and get together On this day, I already know, Hey, my kids are gonna see lights. We've already got the tickets. This is the time. We're just gonna say no. Everybody needs to get rest this night. Or Oh yeah. You know, we hadn't. Planned it and there's an open night and I can say yes without feeling like I'm pushing something else off the, the other kind of big Yes.
That I get out of planning in this way and have seen. Some significant change from, early years in parenting where not only did I feel a bit like a Grinch and a grouch, was that I was so stressed about the money. And I think everybody knows this is an expensive time of year no matter what you celebrate.
, and in this planning. I'm able to be very intentional about what we will spend money on and what we won't. And then looking back, I'm able to get ahead of it and I'm really proud of the progress that we've made. It's made a really big impact on our family budget and it also just. It takes one stress completely off the table.
I don't have to stress about the budget anymore because I know it's just a lather, rinse, repeat of last year with maybe a tweak here or there, and I've got a sense of the boundary around. You know, the limits on stockings. That's a funny thing. That did change significantly working in the group. And I think maybe it was like one of the chats where we brainstormed, stockings in particular.
And I always just laughed at myself that I would leave 'em to the last minute and then I would just go overboard. Not only busting the budget, but like literally the stocking was stuffed. And Katelyn and I. We have these very cute homemade, hers are made by her knit knit stockings that are just beautiful.
And they stretch and stretch. They do, and I stretch them to the limits and I'm like, this is not what I want outta stockings. It's too much. So that's been a really nice, , exercise for me to go through and just put it down to a formula, limit the budget, and when it's done, it's done.
And. I can let it go and move on. It's been so freeing financially , and from a time standpoint.
Hey there. Just wanted to take a quick break and remind you that Stress Less This Holiday, a holiday planning workshop for busy working moms is coming up on November 6th. Come plan your entire holiday season in advance with me so there's no last minute scrambling and
you can just relax, enjoy, and be present. I'll take you through my four step planning process where you'll set your priorities, make your decisions, create all the lists that you need, and put it on the calendar so you can be sure it actually fits and that it aligns with what you want for the season.
Setting aside these 90 minutes now will save you hours of time, energy, and stress later on. The only thing you need to do is sign up. I will provide everything else the step-by-step instructions, the workbook, and. Accountability. Go to the mother nurture.com / holiday and get your ticket today.
All right, let's get back to the episode.
I love the group chat in this workshop. Not just for the ideas, which are great, but also because you are in a space with other women who want ultimately the same thing as you.
Mm-hmm. Which is a more intentional season, which is a season that you are creating. And I know I say that a lot and I don't know if I'm always clear in what I mean, but it is. Not reactive. It is not keeping up with what everybody else is doing. You are creating, not just the food that you're making, the gifts that you're buying, but you're creating the feeling, you're creating the memories, you're creating the culture, and that you get to choose what that is, and you do that by doing it early and then holding the boundary around it.
Yeah. Yeah, that's been a fun thing to watch too, is how everybody comes up with a different vibe and a different intention that they have for this season, and I really love starting with that because then it helps ground you in those decisions that you have to make. Right? We've said this a number of ways, but it really is about saying no to some things.
When you have that core intention already set, and those key words, and they're gonna change year over year judging by the ages of your kids and you know what the chaos is at work or, , family life, what do you really need from the holidays? And then it's there for you. , if you just let that intention lead.
The rest of the decisions. So, I loved, , working through, what are the core components if you couldn't do anything else like that, yes. Again, it's just, it's such a great reminder that there's so much that doesn't have to be part of it, to still make it a meaningful season. Yeah. It's just, it's freeing.
It's, I just, I've just changed so much and I appreciate you noticing that, , because I think that that is available to anyone. Mm-hmm. , right. And in the early days, I always thought that parenting in the holidays was gonna be hard for me because I had a December 15th baby, and it started out hard when I was pregnant and my mother-in-law was trying to coordinate the date of our holiday party around my due date, and I just didn't want any of it.
Right. I just wanted to have a baby and, you know. Do I bring a 10 day old baby to a family party, you know, all these decisions. And I just was so worried that the holidays were always going to feel hard. Mm-hmm. And you know, I have work to do. My husband and I have a lot of work to do on delegation for sure, but I know that.
What's in my control is setting that intention and setting those boundaries to serve that feeling that I wanna cultivate. , and that's just a huge gift.
Mm. So true. And there is a stereotype out there. I don't appreciate it, but this thought that I think so many.
Moms in particular adopt that the holidays are hard and are stressful. Mm-hmm. And I know I have repeated that story to myself for a long time. Yeah. And there are still parts of it that I know. I tell myself that that is how it is. It's just hard. And I love what you said that this version is available.
And it doesn't have to be hard, right. If you don't want it to be. , right. Yeah. Are there any traditions or things that you have added in because things have changed
for you or
maybe not?
Yeah.
Yeah, no, great question. , definitely adding the, , gingerbread houses and just embracing that is something that we do. , being. Certain that we're going to go on a certain light walk and knowing when we're gonna do it, , instead of debating constantly about can we squeeze it in or not, but just getting right out ahead and just being sure about it.
, we decorate a real tree and we've firmed up exactly when we go get it. It used to be really tricky for me because my husband would go right back to work. 'cause it's the weekend. Yeah. And instead now I spread decorating over three days instead of trying to do it all in one. And I enjoy it so much more.
I always see my girlfriends on New Year's Day and, barring some, unforeseen circumstance.
We get together in the evening and it's just a great time to connect. And I don't feel bad or guilty about leaving. The expectation it's there, it's already on the plan. , and then from a Thanksgiving standpoint, 'cause I know we've talked a lot about Christmas, but I do think there's so much that, , Thanksgiving can be a whirlwind when we have two places to be.
And what I have. Learned to do through zooming out and planning is, I love cooking. I love cooking, and baking is fun. I love cooking and I love food, and my family is a food family. And for so several years I felt like I had to just take a hands off approach and I just, I couldn't possibly manage to get a dish together, let alone two or three.
And now I have the. Strategies in place to really plan ahead and make what feels like the right contribution that I want to make to the family meal. , so I'm cooking more, but it's again, spread out and I've got a plan for how I'm gonna make that happen. Yeah. , without getting so overwhelmed. The other thing that I have added in, logistically is I worked last year to create a running to-do list as things popped in with the intention that this year my husband and I will sit down ahead of time.
So after we go through the workshop, I'll sit down with him and instead of those just being like stream of consciousness add it to the list as they come up, I have like. I'm not gonna say the number, a very large number of tests. 'cause it's not about the number, but it's about recognizing that there's explicit things I can ask him to do and I will do that.
Mm-hmm. So I will add in more support this year.
Yes. I love that. And that is a shift to exactly of what you just said, and this is some of the fair play work that I bring in as well . There's a little piece of that in the workshop but it is just as we're being intentional about our plan and thinking ahead for the holiday season, it is also being intentional with the support that we bring in.
And so. I think so many people could relate to that stream of consciousness where you're just rattling off the ticker of things that are going through your brain. And your partner. Your husband is probably like glassy-eyed, big eyes looking at you like, oh my gosh, what? What am I supposed to, am I supposed to do some of these things?
Or you just wanna say them to me? Right. To come to the table with a. Hey, this is the sketch of what the next couple of months will look like. Here are the things that I am unsure about, or that we need to research and decide together which of these tasks can you own?
Here are the things that I think I can own, in the same way that so many of us would never walk into a business meeting or professional meeting at work with like a, mm-hmm. Oh, Lala, I have all these things on my mind. No, we come with an agenda and we wanna assign tasks out and have accountability and what's our goal and our outcome that we're going for.
We have to run our meetings at home in the same way.
Mm-hmm.
Yep.
Absolutely. It refines that and keeps it manageable, and I am really looking forward to having that conversation ahead of time and not like in the thick of it when. In the past, it has been, in my mind, it's just been filling my brain.
And then that resentment would just explode and. I know I'm not alone because, I've been on a mom thread or two and that's just again, not the holiday that I want to experience as a parent, as a person.
And I take that back, by having those clear conversations. . , it's all iterative, right? I don't have an expectation of perfection, and it's going to be new for both of us to really get out ahead of it this year, and I'm so excited to do it instead of feeling the weight and the resentment already bubbling because I already know what's coming because this is my 10th Christmas as a parent.
Right? Yeah. I feel that too. I. Actually did a couple of holiday things already. I was purchasing a couple of Christmas gifts this week because I saw a sale, and I was like, why not? I already know that I'm gonna get these things. And so for anyone listening who's like, well, I've already got half of my shopping done.
Great. I, that's amazing. Go you. Yeah. And still come and plan. It's not too late to still set your vision. You'll just be a little bit further ahead on your task list. And I do feel a little bit of excitement this year.
Mm. I, I did pat myself on the back to be like, oh, Christmas pajamas that my kids get every year for Christmas Eve, like already purchased, done. And whereas I know in years past, there's been a dread. Coming into the task list, the decision list, the shopping, the meal planning, and there is something about having a framework that can help you feel more capable and confident going into the season, which then just fuels your ability to actually enjoy some of it.
Yeah. And not be so stressed.
Yeah, , the piece that I haven't mentioned that I realize has really changed my experience has been the mindset. Now, when I'm in the moment and we're in those busy weeks and days and weekends, we. My ability to let things go, and to pivot and to shift without so much guilt.
, I might not say no guilt, right? There might be a little bit of sadness or grief that, hey, something's not gonna work out, but. Knowing that hey, people are tired and maybe they've eaten too much sugar, right? That Halloween candy lasts forever. We are just running on fumes on a certain day and we're actually not gonna go do that thing or we're going to leave early.
, just pivoting and being able to hold on to my, understanding that we're still one, doing a great job, and two, having a great holiday season without it having to be this sort of picture perfect Instagram worthy experience. Every single moment in every single day. Yeah. Making space for reality. I love that.
I can say no, I have a busy work. Season most year ends, and again, a kiddo with a birthday. And in the past couple of years I have said no to , bigger birthday parties or birthday parties that I have to coordinate. And I, keep that boundary with my kid, but also. If it happens three weeks after her birthday, it's okay.
If it happens after the holidays, it's okay. , everybody, gets what they need , and none of us , are running on fumes.
Yeah.
Yeah. We just finalized everything for my daughter's birthday because my note to myself last year was celebrate her birthday earlier. So we'll do, of course, cake. On Thanksgiving Day alongside pumpkin pie.
I don't know how this works. I think the first year it's fallen on that holiday, but she has just a couple of friends that she wants to celebrate with. And so we're doing it early in a couple of weeks. Gosh, it's already November. Yeah. So again, I think what makes pivoting possible again, is going back to that.
What are your top most important things? What are the things that really matter? Yeah. And then, yes, of course we'd love to go see lights if that's not in your top three or bake cookies or these other things, but they're just icing on the cake. And so if somebody gets sick. If something happens, if you're just really tired and running on fumes because of all of the things that are happening at work, you can let some of that fall away because you've already identified what is truly important and , this stuff is all just at the cherry on top anyway.
That's right. That's right. Yeah. You can let it go and you can kind of scaffold things up. It's like you can set yourself a note for next year. What would've made this easier next year? Yes, and. Let yourself try again. Yeah. Yes.
So true. Is there anything that we haven't touched on that you think listeners need to know because you've just cracked the code on something that makes your life so much easier?
, you know, it's sometimes it's the small things. I think the experience of the season, , from. Your senses matters as much as what you do. Mm.
And one
thing that a lot of folks again say in the chat and has been something that I realized meant a lot to me was, what does my house smell like? You know, what, what does my house feel like, , during this season?
And so I always buy, a new. Whatever it is, hand soap that has the seasonal scent, or make sure that I have a fresh candle. , and it's those things that I can then build into my daily ritual and routine that now automatically put me into that frame of mind. , so it's this tiny little thing that takes very little money and time, but just puts us right there where we wanna be.
I love that.
I know I'm already. Picturing, I think you and I have talked about these before, the Trader Joe's candles and hand soaps, like seasonal. Just go get 'em. Go get 'em. If that's what matters to you. Yeah, I, I didn't even realize that I did this as well last year. I kind of forgot, but I bought new lights for our Christmas tree.
We also do a live tree, but the previous lights. We had, were not bringing me any joy. And when I would be in someone's home that was decorated and I would feel like, oh, this feels so cozy or magical. Mm-hmm. What is it? It was , the lights on their tree. So I got some new lights and, and you're right, it does make a difference.
And do my kids care about that stuff? No. They're just happy to hang their ornaments in clumps on one side of the tree. Yes. Right. But it matters to me. And so you're right. Lighting a candle, putting hand soap or hand towel somewhere, or having the twinkle lights that feel good to you or putting something in your bedroom, right?
The nostalgia of having yes, some sort of decoration upstairs in your room. I guess all of this to say you matter too in the holidays, and your kids will feel that when you're enjoying it. They will. Not that they won't enjoy it, they will regardless. I guess that's a permission slip. They will enjoy it regardless.
Absolutely. Absolutely. And they'll see how you are showing up and your mood and your joy for the experience will definitely be contagious.
Yeah.
Yeah. I have to share before we close your hack that or tip that you brought to the group years ago. Oh yeah. I think you, yeah. Like your name is now associated with that.
Again, thinking about making decisions in advance and making things easy for yourself. One thing that comes up a lot is like teacher or daycare provider gifts. And so creating a formula like you mentioned for your neighbors bottle of wine and some mulled spices. Well, for a lot of us, we do a gift card for our teachers and daycare providers or nannies.
And you alerted the entire group that, Hey, does everybody know that Target puts their gift cards on sale, typically the first weekend in December? Mm-hmm. Make your list know what number of gift cards and the dollar amount that you need, and then just wait and buy them on that day. And so that is something that you would put on your calendar , exactly as you're thinking about the season.
All right. I've already made the decisions. Gift is done. All I gotta do is wait for them to go on sale.
Exactly. Yep. That's a great one. I also remind myself to go into the store early in the day so I can choose the cute designs before they sell out. And also shopping first thing in the morning in December is the only way to go in store.
So it is, it makes it way more enjoyable.
Yeah.
Just to know.
Yeah. Totally. So many great ideas. I'm sure we could share. Yeah. Many more. And everyone has their own unique spin , and how we do this season. Regardless of what you celebrate, I think it's all applicable. Mm-hmm. We didn't even get into, the.
School performances and the all of the other things that just also happen this time of year at work. A lot of people are doing budget, , reviews and 2026 planning, goal setting, it is just a lot, and so anything you can do to make life easier to draw on your past experiences, to streamline and simplify things so that you can alleviate some stress.
Where possible , and just enjoy the season. It's all about the little things and deciding what is enough. Absolutely. I'm actually looking
forward to the holidays now. , it reminds me that we just, we do have so much in our control and we can get ourselves off of
, the autopilot that maybe sets in because of those expectations. So it's just a great reminder that we can find our joy in the season for sure.
Yeah. Yeah. Thank you so much for joining me and talking all things holidays and planning, and you're right.
I feel excited as well. Thanks, Katelyn.
Thank you for listening and as always, for being a part of this working mom community. You can find everything related to this episode in the show notes at themothernurture.com/podcast.
And don't forget to get your ticket to stress less this holiday, my annual holiday planning workshop that's coming up on November 6th, come plan your entire season with me so you can enjoy a slower, more intentional end to the year. Head to themothernurture.com/holiday to get signed up and I can't wait to plan with you.
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