Episode 76: Working Mom on the Move: Lessons from a Seasoned Traveler
ITUNES | SPOTIFY
In this episode, we’re talking about the real-life logistics of being a working mom who travels — and how communication and help make it all possible.
My former manager, who showed me the ropes when it comes to work travel, shares how her career has taken her on the road for years, and what she’s learned about staying connected with her family while she’s away. From managing calendars to planning ahead (and letting go of perfection), we dive into what it really takes to leave your family.
We also talk about how asking for help isn’t a weakness — it’s a strategy. Whether it’s coordinating with your partner, leaning on friends, or being upfront with your employer, clear communication and support are what keep things running smoothly.
If you’ve ever packed a suitcase while double-checking the school lunch menu, this episode will remind you that you’re not alone — and that there’s no one right way to make it all work.
links & resources mentioned in this episode:
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You are listening to the Life Coach for Working Moms podcast, the show where we are talking about what it actually takes to make life work as a working mom. I'm your host, Katelyn Denning, a full time working mom of three and a certified life and executive coach. I'm so glad you're here and I hope you enjoy this week's episode. .
Welcome back to the podcast. I am so excited to introduce this interview to you this week. If you have ever traveled for work, maybe you are in a role currently that requires travel, or even if you have a partner who travels for their work and you are the one holding down the fort at home with the kids.
This is going to be a great conversation for you. Marlene is another one of my former managers, and I reported to her in my corporate days when I was learning how to travel with really young kids at home.
I remember leaving detailed instructions with my nanny, having to pump in airports and in rental cars, and all of the things that you prepare just to be gone. Not to mention the work that you do while you travel and the guilt that can sometimes come up from being away from home.
Marlene has such great advice, a veteran traveler. She and her husband both are on the road a fair bit for their jobs. It's something that they've always done and.
I think that you will absolutely learn something from this episode, as well as just how to manage communication and sharing of responsibilities and ask for help when you cannot be the one to do all of the things all of the time. So without further ado, I will let you get into the episode. I hope you enjoy.
Hi, Marlene. Welcome to the podcast. Hi. Thank you. Thank you. I'm excited to chat with you. So I'll let you introduce yourself, but I want to maybe share for a minute that as I've been having guests on the podcast and thinking about who I wanna chat with, I've been thinking about the women in my life.
Who have taught me something or inspired me in some way or helped me think about me as a parent, as a professional, as a woman in the world, how I could think about things differently. And your, your face, your name popped into my mind right away because Marlene was one of my.
Early managers when I was stepping into a role that felt really uncomfortable for me, and she was also a parent and you just come to mind for me as someone who just got things done, and
it was just , this picture of what a working, mom a professional could look like that I hadn't seen before. Aw, thank you. Yeah. Anyway, that's my intro of you. Why don't you tell us who you are, what you do, your kids, all of that fun stuff.
So, so gracious. Thank you. And I have to say, I learned so much from you all as well, and,
, so the, the feeling is definitely mutual. , but I am, , a vice president. I lead a sales team, , head of sales for a company in the education industry. , I am also the mom to 13-year-old boy girl twins. , I live locally in the suburb of Cincinnati. , and I've been in sales for about almost 20 years now.
19 years I think. So yeah, traveling pretty much that entire time. , there was a, a stint in the middle there where I did some training and development where I didn't travel as much, still traveled, , but yep. Pretty much been traveling, , since the children were born , and prior to as well.
That's definitely one of the things that I wanna talk with you about, and I will never forget, I dunno if you remember this, but it's.
Ingrained in me. We were on a road trip to visit a client with a male colleague of ours, and I don't remember which child, probably my middle, and I was still pumping. And so, you know, when you travel, I had all of my gear and I just gave you these eyes like we have to pull over and get some food because I need a moment in the backseat of this rental car without our male colleagues.
So I can just pump for a second. You were like, Hey. Let's go in. What do you want from Wendy's or wherever we were. We'll be back in 10 and I was like, thank you so much. Yes, yes.
Yeah. Yeah. I think we, there's that unspoken language that moms have that they can like look at each other and Yep. Gotcha. I'll be, I'll be back in a few minutes.
Yep. Absolutely. Absolutely.
Well, before we get into the travel piece, because I have so many questions that comes up a lot, , with the women that I work with, especially if they're new to traveling or being away from children and what that looks like, , can I just ask you some behind the scenes questions of what life looks like even now with 13 year olds, which is wild.
But also feel free to share like what the journey has looked like because with every season of parenting, so much changes. So assume they're in school and Yes. You're working from home these days. Mm-hmm. Like how does the day get started? , what's family life looking like to get everybody where they need to go?
Yeah. , it's interesting. Family life is totally adjusted this year. My, my, , kids started middle school, which means they are in the earliest, , school. , so they get on the bus just before seven now. Oh my gosh. So we are up and. Rolling. , my daughter, God bless her, gets up at 5 45 to make sure she has ample time to get ready.
, and then my son gets up about six 15, , and we do all the school things and then they are out the door by probably 6 55 or so.
Wow. Do they ride a bus or do you take them to school? They do,
yep. They ride the bus. , , on the way home though, they get dropped off around two 30, which is, , the downside of the early, , start is now they are early home.
Yeah.
, so they normally get off the bus, , with a text of all the things that they need to do, , before they do anything else as well as.
What time, who needs to be ready to do what? , and that whatever practice or whatever thing we have going on, , a lot of times I'll do that text actually, at lunch and I just send it at two 10 or two 15. I like send later, , because. Most of the time at that hour, I'm always on calls when they're walking in.
So, , I try to think a little ahead to make sure they know what their schedule is. So that everybody's ready. , so that we can then head out for whatever we have to do , that afternoon and evening.
Yeah. Which is such a shift. For anyone listening who, I mean, you did this, right? Your after work hours look totally different. Yes. No one's in extracurriculars. You're not playing chauffeur. You are getting snacks and sippy cups or bottles, and you are trying to get dinner because everyone's hangry. And then you have such a short turnaround time between when everybody then is getting ready for bed.
So it is. Mm-hmm. It is just so fascinating to think through all of the different stages Yes. Of what this routine has looked like.
Yeah. I remember, and I think, , I was probably working with you still when they were. When they were little, little, , and I was in the office full time.
Yeah.
And
so I would come home at five 30 or 5 45 . And bedtime was seven 30 or eight depending on, what stage of life we were in, but. There wasn't a ton of time, to do all the things you needed to do and wanted to do because , you missed 'em all day.
You weren't there all day. And so the last thing you wanted to do is come home and put a break to bed. So, , you have to be really intentional about your time. ,
but then, yeah, after they went to bed is when I would go for a run or after they went to bed is when I would open my laptop again. , so you just have to adjust. I think with each season you find the way the schedule can work for you, , while still trying to soak in as much as you can. FSH, obviously they need a little less, , but don't let it fool you.
They're still just as needy. It's just different needs. Yeah. So, so yeah.
Yeah. Are you in the mornings getting started working as early as they're getting off the bus? Or do you have a little bit of flexibility in your time, between when they leave and when you're sitting down to start work and what are you doing?
Yeah, so they leave at 6 55 and I try to be in the basement by seven to work out. , and that is like my release, that has been my release for, for forever. , it is just my way of clearing my head. It doesn't even have to be a huge workout. It could be a walk. To be fair. I just like to do something.
Yeah.
So I have a little. Area in my basement that I have now outfitted since COVID. It's actually gotten pretty impressive. But, , yeah, but I do that in the morning. , I'm typically done before eight, so I can be online by eight 30 if I need to be.
But, , I do allow that time there for myself, which has been one blessing of the earlier school day, is that I have to get up. , so that hour is always there.
, yeah. When they were. Getting up a little later. It was myself having to force myself to get up to workout before they would go to school, which is a lot more challenging than it is now. So that's one, one benefit for me.
Yeah, you've always done that. You're right. I remember you always having a workout or doing the different things that you did over the years.
Mm-hmm. You, is that your main thing that you would say that you do for yourself? Are there things that you're doing now, maybe in the evenings or on the weekends that you consider for you? I would imagine with 13 year olds. My oldest is 11 now, so we're starting to get closer, but not quite, you know, the afternoon and evenings now are full of, there's homework or activities or things, and so there's not, I don't find time for me and those windows, so it's still, it's interesting still, like when they were young, it tends to be the bookends of the day, if I'm gonna find time for myself.
Yeah, it's funny. , they go to bed later than me now, so I don't, I don't have that time afterwards. , but they do, like I said, they will retreat a lot. They'll go get on the phone with their friends or they'll do something where there is time. I still think that that. Time that I make to do something for a walk or a run or whatever it is, like that's my time.
That's, that's always been my time. , I wish I had time to watch tv. Everyone always laughs about, you know, Hey, have you seen this show? I haven't watched a show in I probably 13 years. I just, that's not, I never have found the time to do that, given the way that I prioritize my time.
, now I'm actually watching series with my son, so I am back to watching a few series. Oh. But, , it's kind of stuff that I like to do with him, , but yeah, but , it's always been, , that little bit for myself where I can just. Put my headphones in and someone can tell me what I'm supposed to do, and I don't have to think about it.
And, , it's total stress relief for me. It's just my
outlet. Yeah. Yeah. So if the kids are home in the afternoon, are you working pretty traditional hours, like until five? Do you have flexibility?
, I think often when we imagine work from home. There's this flexibility component to it, and I find sometimes that's true and sometimes that's not. What's it like for you?
Yeah, you know, I have amazing flexibility
and they are older now so I can drop them off and get back home. So I can pop out for a half hour and come back and then, I do work then in the evenings a little bit as well, just to keep up. But, , I do have that flexibility to be able to do that. , because as they get older, it's crazy that they will start activities.
, for instance, today race has practice at three 30. So, someone's gotta get her there , and there are definitely ways that you can make it work if you can't. I know people who have, high schoolers or college aged kids that help them , and help shuttle.
, I've been fortunate in that I can take that to about 25 minutes round trip. I can drop her off, , and I can be back, at a good time. And if I have to be on a call while driving, they all know that they can't talk. No matter how many people are I'm carpooling in my car, they all know that they're not allowed to talk.
, yeah. So it, it's worked, it's been great for me. Mm-hmm. , because my husband also travels. So that's something that we've, learned to navigate, , together. Yeah. Because that a lot of time there's only one of us. That has to do it all. , so you become resourceful in terms of how you can, puzzle piece it together , and we can all fit in there.
Yeah. You mentioned, which I'm so glad you did because I talk about this all the time , and it's nice to hear that I'm not the only one thinking about this, that. You know, there are ways we can ask people for a ride. Or I would happy to trade and give your child a ride when they need it.
Or, , finding a high school or college age sitter that can help out. And I, I'm curious if you would describe yourself in this way, but I also think of you, when I think of someone who. Knew how to find , and get the support and the help that you needed when you and your husband were both traveling, even when the kids were really young.
Mm-hmm. Now you're in that challenging part where they have all the places to be, but nobody has a driver's license yet. What would you share when you think about that kind of what help you've had and maybe. How you approach that?
Yeah, I think, I feel like moms for some reason, feel like it's wrong to ask for help.
Like you're a bad mom if you have to ask for help
, and I think that, , the more you ask for help, the more people are relieved that you are asking because they need help too. And so, , I have a great carpool. , my daughter dances and for anyone who has dancers, that's a very, very big commitment.
, and I have an amazing network of moms and I carpool every single day. I'm typically drop off. , and they pick up and, , it's super, super helpful. But then when I am traveling and for instance, my husband's trying to manage it on his own, I can say, Hey, can you do both this time and I'll do both next week, or, something like that.
, and everyone's super amazing in terms of being understanding, , because then they don't feel bad when they need help. And I think. I think I've learned that really, really early on, that , if I ask for help, I'm making it okay for them to ask me for help too. , and I think that type of relationship is critical , for parents just in general.
, my son's harder. , he does baseball. A lot of his teammates don't live near us because it's a, yeah. A travel team and they're coming from all over. So that one's a little bit more challenging. And so I leveraged that network of, of dance moms. All the time because they're all so close to me and they all have that same schedule as me.
So, , I think it's one of those things where when you, it's just like anything. And you know, I went through some challenges with pregnancy and until I started talking about it. You never realize how many other people were going through those same challenges.
And so until I started saying, Hey, like I am really struggling to get hurt to dance, blah, blah, and someone's like, oh my gosh, me too. And I'm like, well, let's, can we help each other? , and I think that's a really easy way to do it where you don't feel like you're like. Can you take my kid?
Can you take my kid? Right. , it just opens the door and , allows people to also feel comfortable asking you, , because you wanna help when you can. , and I think that's what that type of relationship looks like. So I learned early on I had to do that, or it wasn't gonna work, , because I wasn't about to sacrifice my kids being able to do the things they wanted to do because.
Because I chose a job , that had this type of commitment. , and so I was on myself to try and figure out how to make it work. Right. And we've had people that I've hired to help. , and I had a nanny, , all through when I was working with you. She came every day. , and so you just find the support that works best for you.
Yeah. , and I think. It makes all the difference. , but also, you become support to people too, which I think is, is critical.
Yeah. I had a friend ask a group chat, you know, put it in the group chat. Mm-hmm. And she needed some help on Saturday night with her kids who are elementary aged similar to mine, and was really struggling to find a sitter and had this thing, and she was just like, Hey.
My kids hang out at one of your houses. , and at first I was like, oh, you know, I don't know. And I thought. Yeah. Like, why not? They'll probably keep my kids more entertained. It turned out she ended up not needing the help after all. Mm-hmm. Something else came through, but I thought how brave of her to ask and also what a great opportunity for all of us to help out a friend who was in a bind.
I was just curious about your thoughts. Do you have family like grandparents, siblings, aunts and uncles in town that you can lean on?
I do not. So my family is all in Michigan and I'm in Cincinnati. , my husband's family is in northern Kentucky.
They're about 45 minutes to an hour from us. Yeah. , so I will call on them , in a bind. Um, uh, but typically they're not easy ones to be like, oh, can you run so and so to practice tonight? , my sisters have that with my mom, which I'm. Very jealous of Grandma can take them anywhere. Grandma's always the backup plan.
, but I have an agreement with my mom that I get one or two times a year when both my husband and I have to be gone at the same time, that grandma will come save us. So she will come into town and save us , and we are fortunate that we are in positions that. Uh, we sometimes have flexibility with our days or we can sometimes, , dictate the days if we're setting the meetings or whatever.
, but there is inevitably one or two times a year where we both have things that like, it is what it is. These are the days. , and so we will call grandma, grandma will come help us. , but that. That's challenge. I, I can feel for people who are in that situation because I feel very fortunate that my mom's even close enough to come do that.
Yeah. And I think, I wonder right, if you.
Experience that where you don't have that safety net, , like some families do. And again, I, I love that for everyone that does. I did not have that when my kids were young, that mm-hmm. You do just become more accustomed early on to finding the support and the help or hiring, you know, whatever that looks like.
, because there is no other option.
Yeah, and the family has been great. I mean, we did have, , premature twins, so they were very, very available to us very early on, and I am so incredibly grateful for that. But you do try to like increase your network as you go through it. And I think keeping that network diverse and I think.
But one thing I would caution is I had that one nanny who was like, my everything, God love her. I hope she's listening. Anyways, she, she was my everything. And so when I had to find other people, like no one could take her. You know what I mean? Mm-hmm. And so I think I've gotten better about now I don't need it as much, but you know, in those,
Days getting better at , exposing my kids to a lot of different people so that you have a lot of options. Because there was a time there would be like, oh, we only want so and so, well, okay, so and so's busy, so we, we need to find someone else. , so bringing in a couple different people so that there were some options.
Yeah. Is also, I think, a really good thing to do because it makes it easier for you, but also less stressful on the kids because , they have more familiarity with the different group of people.
That's such a good point. We can create these beautiful relationships with our caregivers mm-hmm.
And then almost become codependent on them in some ways, , and they probably don't last forever. Right. We don't need a nanny for forever or a sitter for forever. And so, yeah. That is a good point. Yes. So I would love to talk about the travel piece, if you don't mind sharing and mm-hmm.
And I am thinking, mm-hmm. Not that it isn't challenging now because you're doing the logistics from afar or making sure that everyone has thought through all the steps of the calendar when you're not there. But maybe just overall, when you think about the different seasons of your career and of your parenting journey where you've traveled or where your.
You're both traveling, what is that experience like? And then I, I wanna ask you specific questions about, preparing for it or what you've learned and , what comes up for you when you do have to be away, ,
there's so many things, yeah. Where, where do we start?
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think. So it, there are definitely different seasons, right? So it, it sounds crazy, but it is actually easier when they're younger.
Mm.
Because they don't know, they don't realize what's, you know what I mean? And so I think for me, when they were real, real little, it was actually.
Easier not in terms of you never wanna leave your baby, don't get me wrong. Like I never wanted to leave my babies. , but they didn't realize I was leaving. There was that, a little bit of that. So I think then it gets into that like 3, 4, 5, when they start being like, where are you going and why are you leaving?
And then it like tugs at your heartstrings, right? Mm-hmm. So I think the one thing I will say that I think helped me in the earlier years was that I always did it. It was all they ever knew. Mm. , so from the time I could start working again. I was traveling , and I don't travel every week by any means, but I was traveling.
, so it was all they ever knew. , they knew that I left every once in a while and they knew that I was gonna come back. , so that during that time, you know, we had a pretty good system. It was just kind of how they were raised. , the craziest part is when COVID hit, , and just before COVID, I switched jobs and so.
, the, , the winter before kindergarten, I moved to a new company and, , I was in a different role. I was doing, , sales, learning and development, so I was still traveling, but it's not nearly the extensive travel that would come with a sales role. And so I was home a lot more.
, and that job was from home. And so it was a real big adjustment to the family because I could put them on the bus and in. My previous role that was, I was at the office at seven 30. Like that was not, it was never even a thought. , and I was starting calls at seven 30. That was very demanding.
And then COVID hit and I was home full time. And then I, I transferred back in. So I did that for four years. So in like third or fourth grade, I transferred back into a sales role and that was when it actually was the hardest.
Hmm.
Because. It was very, it like they had forgotten the mom of when they were 4, 5, 6. , and they only remembered the mom who was. There all the time. Literally all the time, all day, every day. Like not able to leave. Right. , and so I, I think a lot of parents dealt with this, and I know even those parents that don't work deal with like the kids and the attachment issues , and what that time in our life has did, but it, it did change it a little bit.
, and , they're in a different stage of life and they need you for different things. And so, , it was a challenge leaving some of those times, going into that , and even just going in the office for a day and when are you gonna be home and what is the, and, and so that, that was a, a little bit more of an adjustment, , than I had anticipated because I'm like, done this your whole life.
Right? , and you forget like. They have no recollection of that time. , and so, , it's been an adjustment back to it. But, , they are now, I think we're in a good space. , for them it's just all about understanding and knowing. They like to know the plan.
They like to know what's gonna happen. , and my husband's great and does a great job, marshaling pigs around. , and, , we take turns doing that. So that's what I've found works the best. , and at this age, my kids text now and so the, the need for immediate response.
, and I'm in a meeting and that can't happen. , and so that types of things, that's like all new that you didn't deal with when they were 6, 7, 8, like Right, right. You never had to deal with that. Like you just called them whenever you called 'em, and they were happy to hear from you. And now they're like, where are you?
Why are you answering mom, mom, mom, mom. You know? And so literally that happens. Um, but I actually, even with my daughter, like I have like two emojis that I will respond. That's like, she knows I got it. She knows I like, and I can't talk like, and that's just because I can do that quick on my phone without, disrupting anything.
Right. If it gets to that point. , so you come up with little tricks to make it work. , but I think we're in a better place. , it was a rough couple go, , as I started getting back into traveling. And just the adjustments that they had to make.
Yeah.
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All right, let's get back to the episode.
I.
Two things stand out to me in what you just shared. The first is that when they are young, they don't, really remember, and I agree with you. I've not thought about that until you said that, but I traveled, not as much as you, but I did do some traveling, like maybe I would say once a month, let's say.
Mm-hmm. I'd be gone for a couple of nights. When Henry, my oldest, was young, and after my daughter was born through like her toddler years before I switched roles and didn't travel as much. And now I'm home all the time. And I don't think they remember a thing about that. I don't think they remember any of it.
, whereas I bet I, I, like I said, I rarely travel now, but if I leave for something, I'm sure it would just completely disrupt everything and I don't know if this is your experience too, but my husband does periodic travel like a couple of days, a conference maybe once every other month.
Mm-hmm.
They also do not like that at all. They miss dad, where is he? I like it better when you're both home. I'm like, I am a capable adult. You have everything you need here. He's fine. We're fine. And still it's like, it feels so weird to them. So that stands out to me that they don't remember.
And if it's all they've known it can be easier than yes. Starting up again. Yes. And the other thing that you said that I think it's worth hearing again that our kids just want to understand what's happening when, when they can understand, right? Mm-hmm. So if they are old enough that not just, here's where I'm going, here's what the plan is, and here's gonna pick who's gonna pick you up, but here's what I'm doing.
I'm going to this conference, or I'm going to meet with this client because we have this really big deal on the table. Or. The one trip I did take in the last however long was to Nashville and I'm gonna present at a conference, and I was like, I'm nervous and I'm really excited. This is a big opportunity for me and here's the organization and where I'm gonna stay and.
Sure. They still, I'm sure, missed me or they miss you when you're gone. Or it does feel a little bit different from normal daily routines, but also just having the context. Mm-hmm. It does matter and it does help, and it's just my encouragement to anybody listening to talk about your work, tell your kids what you're doing, even if you think they don't understand.
Absolutely. Yes. What comes to mind as like a, I'm picturing like a listicle, right? Like top 10 or whatever. What comes to mind for you when you think about maybe what did make it easier or what were some tips or tricks that you learned along the way from all of your travel and from both of you traveling through the years?
Yeah,
I mean
it's communication, right? It's just like you would with anything else. , getting a schedule and getting a schedule that you both maintained. , so for the longest time it would be in my Outlook calendar and we would share. Outlook, invites anytime anything was happening.
, and it was probably a year and a half ago that I actually started using the iCloud calendar.
, and my kids have it on their phone. My husband has it on his phone. I actually send an invite to my work calendar still because I still need to see it. Yeah. Um, but we both manage that and even my daughter will add, if a time changes in something and she knows it, she'll go in and change it. And I think that is literally what has saved us.
, and my team will laugh 'cause my husband and I, we, , call them like outlook wars in that, if I know I'm gonna be traveling somewhere, I'll go in and say, marlene in Phoenix, , and I'll put the dates , and then if he has to leave that week. He will either come to me and say, are you still in Phoenix that week?
And then whoever, overbooks is the one who has to find the help, is, is the game we play. Oh, okay. Um, but it allows us to have those conversations, like Right. Real time as someone saying, Hey, can you go such and such? The week of X? I'll be like, oh, okay. Brian's supposed to be gone.
Let me find out what days he's gonna be gone, and then I can determine. if that's real or not, and , we'll figure it out. Yeah. And so that, that system of being able to manage it , is really, really critical. Mm-hmm. Um, and then even more so, not only just when you're gonna be gone, but then once you start to level in all the activities and everything.
To know, who needs to go where and it just to be on there and I will, even now I'll put so and so picking up, you dropping off, you're picking up so and so and taking them there and that goes right in the calendar. Yeah. So that. So that they know, my kids know.
, 'cause they will ask and then also whoever's doing the driving knows what's going on. So I think that's my number one is mm-hmm. Figure out a system. That works for you and your family in terms of how everyone can understand And when the kids get older, they have to be included in that too.
Yeah.
I think that goes for whether you travel or not, to be fair, I think Sure. Just, just having that type of system when you're trying to manage all this while you're working is, is really, really important. Yeah.
Yeah. Did you do a lot of prep , or do you still, I mean, obviously the calendar is one piece, but I don't know. I hear this a lot and I do remember feeling this myself as well, like. Do I need to choose the meals while we're gone, or do I need to make sure that certain things are ready? And then I catch myself and.
I like, well, no, I'm lucky enough to leave a partner, a another capable adult. I, I don't have to, he's not my child either, but I think that can be a natural tendency to, yes, almost wanna overcompensate. Like, oh, I'm gonna be gone. My family's gonna suffer because I'm not there, so let me work overtime to do all of these things.
And then you're probably exhausted when you leave for your trip, let alone you do actually have to work while you're gone.
Yeah, for some reason I feel like all the laundry has to be done right. And I, I could be going somewhere for two days.
Like the world can survive , for two days, without me doing laundry. But that is something that I will make sure all the laundry is done. I think the kids could run the laundry themselves if they needed to at this point.
Absolutely. But like they could do it and I should enable them to do it. But I think that's kind of the way that I. I take care of myself in that. , and I used to, yes, I would make like lunches ahead now, dad, I can make lunches absolutely. But I would just do it and they'd all be in the fridge and you could just grab 'em and they would be done.
And I think it's my way of like a nod to him. Mm-hmm. Like, I'm gonna take this off your plate, you're managing it alone. I set some stuff up for you. Mm-hmm. , versus like, you can't do it more , how can I help ease the burden of it just being one of us when. There's a lot going on. , yeah. And so those are the types of things that I'll typically do.
, now less so, I might make, a bigger dinner. The night before I leave so that there's leftovers or something like that. Mm-hmm. But that's about it. And typically they just order DoorDash anyways while I'm gone, so it doesn't matter. , they're happy to do that, so, yeah. Uh, I think we're at an age now that it's a little different, but I think.
It's always been all the laundry for whatever reason. Again, and I could be going for a night, but that's the one thing that I've always done.
We all have probably this tendency , and everyone will like fill in the blank with their own thing. I'm not saying that travel makes you feel out of control, but in a way you're stepping out of the control chair when you leave the home and you leave your kids with a nanny or someone else to do drop off and pick up, and so it's probably whatever the thing is for you, it's laundry.
I always joke that my sister says when she feels overwhelmed, she goes around and like fluffs the pillows on her couch. You know, it's not really productive, but it feels like I'm doing something. And I wonder if that comes up for anyone else listening or, I probably It did for me too. Yes. But , what's something I can control because I'm about to step out of the chair in which I can control things.
Well, and I think too, it is also allowing someone else to be in control and that they're not gonna do it the same way as you.
Mm.
And you know me, that was very hard for me because especially when they were little. , they were twins and so I had them on a very strict routine and regimen and , because that's the only way I could manage it.
, and I had to learn to allow people to run those days the way they wanted to run those days, not the way I run those days. And that when I got back, the kids were going to still be fine. Like everything was gonna be fine. , that was a tough lesson for me. , 'cause I would write the schedule all the way out very early on it.
This time you have to do this and at this time you have to do this. And , you have to learn that . Everyone will do it in their own way. And it's actually better for the kids to experience that, the different ways that people do that than it is to live in the world that like I've created.
But, but again, that's that control thing. I've worked so hard to get the system in place, like don't break it. , right. But really it should be broken. Like it needs to be broken every once in a while. And so, , that's a big lesson that I learned early on is . Everyone , will care for them in the way that they think is best for them and for that short of time.
That's, that's the way it should be for them. And that's the way that they're gonna do it best.
, and, and I think that was a big wake up call for me, that I had to
release that. , . Yeah. I heard, I don't remember where I heard this, but I remember it landing with me so strongly. When I was traveling, and then my husband traveled a lot when Henry was young
and essentially the concept was if you're the partner who's at home and you text your partner who's traveling, who's on the road doing a work thing. Whether it's complaining or like, oh, you know, I remember it was the text always. Henry was never, would never sleep.
, and when you're both at home, you have someone to commiserate with. Yep. Yep. And that's what you do because it sucks, right? But when you send a text to someone or you call and you tell them you know how things aren't going well or it's really hard, they can't do anything. From wherever they are, and maybe it feels better for you in the moment, but it actually feels worse for the person who's gone because mm-hmm.
Not only can they not help because they're however many miles away, but. I would imagine, and I think I did experience this, then you feel guilty because you can't be there to help. And then you think about your partner who's having this really hard time or things didn't go according to plan. And I don't remember if the recommendation was to just keep it to yourself or to share it with a friend or someone else, but that that was actually not only not helpful, but then creates this experience for both of you.
That doesn't feel good, and I remember taking that and really having to intentionally practice it and not share if there was nothing they could do. Yeah, I don't know. Did you ever think about that? No. Yeah, it
is hard. It's hard. 'cause I think it, it also comes down to the personalities of the people too, right?
Mm-hmm. So I am a perpetual, how's it going? Texter, Uhhuh. When I'm gone, how's it going? I don't know what I want them to tell me, but I will ask everyone how's it going when I'm traveling? , and I just think I need everyone to like, thumbs up and tell me everything's good and, and then I move on. , but I think, when things , are rocky at home, .
I think it's one of those things where I typically will, will shoot 'em a note, like after the fact, like, oh yeah, it was a little rough, but we made it. We're good. They're at school now. All's good. I'm gonna go take a nap, or whatever. . And, , because I don't want them to feel like I'm not sharing.
, it's my partner, like, that's who I would commiserate with. And then I think it gives them a chance, or it would give me a chance. 'cause I, I also would feel terrible if that was happening and I didn't know, right? Mm-hmm. Like if I was traveling. So , I appreciate knowing and we never made this rule, but I think that's the way we typically.
Have operated, it's normally done when we are sharing about it, like, oh, I'm so sorry you had to do that. , and I at least can express, some sympathy and empathy, I'm sorry I'm not there. And yes, there's a a little guilt I think, but.
It isn't so much so that I feel like a bad person
more than just
if my partner went through something that's crappy and I know it's crappy 'cause I go through it all the time too. And Yeah, that sucks. I'm sorry. Right. Yeah. And so, I dunno that there's a, I have like a, a true rule on that, but I can absolutely see.
Mm-hmm. Um, you know, when you communicate and how you communicate I think is something you have to work out. With your partner as well? Yeah. Like are you people who check in all day every day? Are you just like a nighttime checker in Yeah. I mean, sometimes my husband and I literally go a whole day and it's the next morning before.
We Right. Check in and, and that would be either because I was busy and didn't get to text before I figured he was going to bed or whatever. Yeah. But we've established that kind of how you do that. I think that's important if you were to start traveling is to figure out. So someone isn't expecting and waiting or wondering, just like, okay, I'll call you when I get back to the hotel and if I have time during the day, I'll check in. That type of thing.
But I think that's something that I would, recommend talking through. 'cause I think that could cause angst.
Yeah. That question that you said, , I'm not sure what I want as the response. That as a great question to ask yourself. Like, what is it that I want here? I just wanna thumbs up or I wanna know everybody's alive and they got to where they needed to go.
I love your idea too, of. Yes, share it and maybe share it once you're through, because again, in the moment, there's nothing your partner can do other than commiserate and then be probably worried or thinking about what's happening at home. That's such a great tip. I love that. Can I ask if you ever considered.
A job that didn't, or a role or position that didn't require travel. I'm thinking maybe in the more recent years where it was actually harder than when it was what the kids always knew. Did you ever entertain thoughts about that?
Yeah. You know, and I did. I did that job, , and it was, like I said, there was still a little bit of travel, but, , it was definitely not at the scale that I was.
, and. I joke that there was like other forces , that made that happen at that time because they were starting kindergarten and it was like a time that I was able to really be there as, as much as I would've wanted to be. , and I don't think I knew even what I was missing.
To be fair because it was all I did. It was all I ever knew. , and then yes, there's absolutely times that I think about it. I think the nuance of it for me is I love what I do. I love the type of work that I do, and I'm also very aware that the type of work that I do has to have this with it.
And so. If I were ever look for something else, it would likely not be this type of work. And that's okay too. , but I think that's the trade off that I would have to make. And I think I then have to then trade off. I don't wanna leave my kids at all. I don't wanna do this at all if I'm not doing something I love.
Hmm. So
then, you know what I mean? So I think you go through all of that. Because I mean, everyone always says, why do you do what you do? And why are you where you're at in, in terms of a company? And my answer is always like, I have two children, and if I am going to leave them, or if I'm going to do something for as much as I do hours wise work.
I want it to be something that I love to do with people I enjoy doing it with. Yeah. And if those two things aren't true, then this is not the place for me because I have other things that I would rather be doing with this time. And so, , that's my litmus test. And that's how I've run my life.
If it gets to the point where I don't love it anymore, then there's definitely things that I think are better for me to do with my time.
Mm-hmm. Um, so that's my trade
off. Yeah. I just love hearing the questions that we ask ourselves regularly to chart our course to recommit to what we're doing or to help us make decisions about. What is next? Or is this still where I wanna be? Is this worth it? Mm-hmm. So helpful. Yes. Okay. So as someone who, as I get older, I've become a more anxious traveler and I want to be a great traveler, and I've just not, oh, those years when I did have to travel, didn't help.
. What are your favorite travel hacks or what, like, this sounds so superficial, but I'm like, what's your favorite bag or what's always in your carry on? Or do you have , the best luggage ever? Does that make it easier? These are my questions.
It's really funny. My luggage right now is actually a suitcase that I bought for Dance Nationals, , for my daughter that turned into mine because it holds just a little bit more, , perfect.
So, so, no, I don't have the best luggage ever. , I think the biggest things for me is I always have a set of all the things that , is just there and I just pick it up and put it in. And that's been my whole, existence, always. Like it's just always been there. , and so you don't think about those things. And I, I mean, yes, there are things that I still pack, but like the toiletries type things. Yeah. Ready go. , or just to ready and just like in the bag and I grab the bag out of the linen closet and it goes in the suitcase. Uhhuh, my husband, I think, actually keeps it in his suitcase.
It's the same thing. It just stays in the suitcase. , so, so I think that's a big one. , for me , is that, and then I think it is just trying to like, understand the way that you travel and I think that's what makes it easier and like be okay with the way that you travel. Hmm.
And I think
that will relate some of the anxiousness.
, I am someone who cuts it very close all the time. My whole life I've always been that person. , and I will travel on and travel with a lot of people who do not like that. , and so like I figure my schedule out so that I'm in the airport the least amount of time possible.
And so I think understanding how you travel takes away some of that anxiousness. Like if you need that extra time, then give yourself that extra time and it's okay. And um, I do, I do. Thank you. You think that's Yes. See, I know I many people do. , I think I'm very, one of the very few that that is in this situation that I'm in.
Are your kids good travelers too? Yes, my kids are great. , we have been You've always taken them flying? Yeah, they have been flying since they were about nine months old, was their first flight. They started in car seats. We used to put the car seats on the plane.
Didn't you
have the ones that you would like wheel through the airport? Yes.
Yes. And that is a huge travel parent tip. It's a. It is a car seat that has a handle like a, like a, like a carry-on suitcase. And they would wheel behind you and they face away from you. So , they just kick their feet and they, you just wheel 'em right behind you, just like a suitcase.
And it was , that was fantastic. Especially with two of 'em. Yeah. At that age. , they're strapped in, they know they can't get out of it, and you just wheel 'em around and they wave at everyone. Everyone laughs at 'em and it's great.
Yeah. I love it. I am in awe of people who are what I would call great travelers and I'm constantly watching the people in the airports who I'm like, you look like you know what you're doing.
What are you doing? And I'm taking notes. Yeah. Just not. Yeah, I think it is just,
yeah, it is , just knowing the way, like what you need to be comfortable, right? Yeah. , and being able to do that is the biggest part.
Yeah. I love it. This was so great. I could continue talking with you. Maybe we'll bring you back for more travel questions that people have.
But again, when I think of someone who knows how to do it and gets it done, and. Does it with what appears to be such ease. And I know it's probably not always that behind the scenes. I, I get that. But I was like, we have to, we have to talk about this.
Well, I appreciate it. It gives me an excuse to hang out with you and get catch up with you as well, which has been great.
So fun. Thank you so much for being here. Of course, of course. Thanks for having me.
Thank you for listening and as always, for being a part of this working mom community. You can find everything related to this episode in the show notes at themothernurture.com/podcast.
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