Why "This Too Shall Pass" Is Not Helpful
I've been sick on and off for the last two months with a variety of allergies/respiratory/strep/sinus issues.
For most of the weeks, it's been the kind of sick where you can still mostly "function", but you just know that compared to how you usually feel, you're operating at less than.
Aside from the physical discomfort and the frustration at the lack of answers and improvement, the most challenging part has been not knowing when it will end.
It's actually a lot like the newborn phase.
When you're deliriously tired and exhausted and all you want to know is when your baby will sleep or go for longer stretches between feeding or be less fussy.
I also remember during that time, hating the reminder from all the seasoned parents that this too shall pass.
Uggh!!!
Of course, we "know" that our babies won't be newborns forever. Just like we "know" that most everyday illnesses don't last forever.
But when you're in those tough, and sometimes dark days, that knowing isn't enough.
What if this is how our life will be from now on? Forever?
I know I've thought that more than a few times over the last couple of months. That I'll feel like this forever. That I'll never experience my full, 100% healthy self again. Even though I "know" better.
What would make these seasons easier, and more believable that they will in fact end - would be an end date!
A countdown that you could display on your wall. A reminder that you can stick it out for 10 more days or 3 more months.
That definitive light at the end of the tunnel gives hope. But TRUSTING that there is an end date but we don't know when it is? Well, that's harder.
So how do you live in the dark?
How do you live while sleep-deprived, while going through a particularly challenging season, while sick indefinitely and still trust?
That's a question I've been asking myself and it's not an easy one to answer without forcing yourself to "see the silver lining" or "find the lesson in the challenge".
But what if trusting it will pass also requires you to lean in?
Lean into the season that you're in.
Instead of focusing on when you'll sleep again or when you'll be through this or when you'll feel healthy again, lean into where you are.
What if this is your only opportunity to experience that newborn sleep deprivation or the way your body requires rest when sick?
With a newborn, that might mean noticing what it's like to be awake in the middle of the night when everyone else is asleep. It might be reading more than you ever have before because you constantly have an audiobook in your ear or an e-book on your phone for all the times you're up or stuck under a baby.
As I've been sick, I've been resting like it's my job. Letting go of all of the bigger projects around the house and for the business and making it my job to rest as much as possible.
I'm noticing what it's like to experience this. And I'm making this my assignment, my purpose, my goal right now.
When my youngest, Wyatt, was a baby, I took this approach to the newborn phase. I LEANED IN. I read, I rocked, and I noticed the middle of the night in a way I hadn't before. I told myself this was my job and my purpose right now. To notice and be present in the middle of the night. I distracted myself from thinking about timelines and end dates and my experience was SO DIFFERENT from my other two kids.
End dates are great when we have them. But true strength is trusting when you don't know how much longer you have.
If you're in a season that feels like you have no end in sight, how can you lean in? How can you make it your purpose to go all in on whatever this season requires of you? And if you read last week's email, how can you track where you are today so that your future self can see how far you've come?
Here's to trusting even when it feels hard!
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