How to Make Date Night Fun Again
I want to talk about date nights (or day dates if that's your jam).
I know. It's a big topic to unpack in a blog post. We could talk about finding childcare, making dating a priority, feeling guilty for leaving your kids even more than you already do with work, delegating the responsibility of planning all of it, and so much more.
But I want to talk about something that sometimes gets forgotten - having fun.
I see so many of you who've made it as far as actually leaving the house, which means you prioritized the time, found the sitter, got over the guilt, and made the reservation.
You get to the restaurant, bar, venue, whatever it is, and womp womp, it kinda feels like you're just checking the box.
Date night? Check.
Spending time with my partner? Check.
Showing the kids that our marriage is important too? Check.
Having fun?? umm... sort of?
Sure it's nice to not be cutting someone else's food, taking kids to the potty, or entertaining them while you wait. But having fun? You're not sure you'd call it that... exactly.
Maybe it's because your conversations still revolve around the kids and logistics.
It makes sense! With so few opportunities to have an uninterrupted conversation, why not leverage date night to actually talk, make decisions, and plan?!
But that's still #adulting. And it's not the highest and best use of your time away with a sitter.
So how do you get out of the habit of just going through the date night motions? Of just talking about your kids and the calendar?
How do you actually have fun, enjoy each other, and experience a pleasurable date?
You do something different!
You shake things up.
Here's what I mean:
What's something you and your partner have never done together or haven't done together in a long time?
Not just what restaurant or bar have you yet to try. But what type of activity would be new to you both?
Articles have been written about how trying or learning new things together strengthens a relationship. It's a new shared experience where you get to experience each other in new ways.
AND you're forced to put your attention on the experience itself. On figuring out or learning this new activity and therefore you're not talking about the kids, or logistics, or work. You're just BEING together.
Here are some of my favorite ideas. Some I've tried personally and some that my clients have tried and enjoyed:
Cooking class
Wine/beer/coffee/tea/cocktail tasting
Bowling
Arcade
Roller/Ice skating
Kayaking/Canoeing
Top Golf or Putt putt golf
Escape room
Dance lessons
Crafting/Art class - pottery, glass blowing, painting
Karaoke
Hiking
There are so many options and probably even more where you live. All you have to do is choose one to start.
So many of you save all the "fun" and "adventures" for your kids. And rightly so! It's FUN to take them places and see them experience things for the first time. I do it too!
But you're allowed to have your own fun too. And I think it's especially important if you're finding yourself simply checking the box when it comes to date nights.
Is this something you're going to try? If yes, I want to hear about it! What fun and new activity or experience will you do for your next date?
Have fun. Enjoy yourself. Do something just because it brings you pleasure.
You might be surprised to learn that the topic of marriage comes up all the time in coaching with my clients. Whether it's about sharing responsibilities at home, reconnecting after having kids, finding time to date, or making that time even more fun, your marriage/partnership is a HUGE part of being a working mom and it deserves attention too. But for most of my clients, they're so overwhelmed with the day-to-day logistics of life and work that there's just no space to think about anything else. Once we get life "under control", the possibilities of where you put your attention next are endless. You might choose to focus on your relationship or you might choose to focus on yourself. Or you might choose to think about your career next steps or those big-picture life goals. We will figure that out when we get there. For now, you just get to know that it's possible and it starts by creating more space.